Planetary Bombardment ASMR Is Now A Thing And TBH It’s What The Galaxy Needs

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In case you missed it, ASMR stands for ‘Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response’, which is that tingling feeling you get when you’re listening to some seriously satisfying sounds.

It’s like listening to nature when you want to relax. But instead of zoning out to the rustling of wandering forests or the high pitched screaming of hostile fauna, you’re listening to something a bit more unusual, like arthropod clicking or the crunch of eating plantoid side-salad.

However, this month has served us up something entirely unexpected: Planetary bombardment ASMR.

Now there’s thousands of videos out there of generic planets being bombarded, and it all sounds pretty relaxing. But would it be any different if the planet was shielded? And what if that planet was an ecumenopolis?

That’s when the team at Black Hole happened across Thule. On your average day, Thule is an ecumenopolis home to some 11.3 billion pops and a vital galactic hub for trade. However, this week we made it our little experiment.

By sowing some unrest planet-side, we were able to distract Thule administrators long enough to shield their unsuspecting world. With a little help (and indiscriminate bombardment) from the 3rd Pan-Galactic Orchestral Marauding Fleet, we were able to create this masterpiece - and wow, is it the king of all ASMR videos!

Enjoy the sweet sounds of Thule being bombarded from orbit:

Video Credit: Drzewacz

We like the sound of this so much we’re working on making it into an official soundtrack (‘Thule: The OST’), with 25% of the proceeds going towards helping the victims of the devastating Thule shielding disaster.

Pre-order now for exclusive access to the Thule Dance Remix, and Thule Songs of Yuletide versions.

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10 Tweets From Synthetics That Are Woke AF

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Synthetics are officially #woke - here are 10 tweets proving it.

1. This synth has had enough of organic nonsense

2. When organics = trash

3. Sometimes woke truth isn’t pretty

4. This AI knows what’s up…

5. Brb just need to find something cold to apply to this synth burn

6. EDI’s #StayingWoke

7. This Lumia is maybe a little too woke?

8. This synth is playing the long game

9. #WokeConsensus

10. GLAADOS5 living her best life

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Quiz: Eat your way through these regional xenos and we'll tell you a secret about yourself!