Spies Demand Employment Opportunities, Creation of Espionage

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Spies from across the galaxy have unionized and are demanding both employment opportunities and the creation of espionage.

The new union for secret agents, name and location unknown, issued the demand via encrypted fax to the Galactic UN earlier this morning.

It followed a report from the Galactic Fact Office (GtFO) which highlighted that record numbers of scientists, rather than spies, are being used for covert infiltration operations on primitive worlds.

Philip Marlowe, a United Nations of Earth (UNE) spy who wished to remain anonymous, told Xenonion News:

“It’s just outrageous, every other career gets representation across the galaxy, from farmers right down to livestock, yet our government doesn’t have the time to invest in espionage? They’d rather send physicists on undercover missions over trained special agents?”

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The unnamed union highlighted a number of advantages for employing spies, including:

  • Re-appropriation of rivals’ intellectual property and energy credits

  • Disablement of enemy military fleets, installations and civilian infrastructure

  • Sowing civil unrest, or enforcing stability with unorthodox crime prevention techniques

  • Hosting large gala events in subterranean lairs, usually below volcano tile blockers

  • Increased success rates in wooing Blorg femme fatales

The spies are demanding the creation of a specialist ‘Spy’ job, an associated planetary building that would ideally include a nice office clouded with cigar smoke on that tile overlooking the East River, universal access to top-secret gadgets, badass hover car chases and comprehensive dental cover.

Marlowe continued;

“I’ve gone through years of training, espionage, counter-espionage, counter-counter-espionage and a masters degree in cutting eye-holes out of newspapers. It would be a shame to put that to waste.”

The union stated that if its demands were not met within seven days, all spies would covertly go on strike, warning it would cause “unnoticed chaos” in their non-existent jobs.

The Galactic UN confirmed it is considering their request, and as long as no-one on the Interstellar Assembly ‘accidentally’ ends up falling into the secret nest of Rattlings built as a trap below Conference Room 3, they may consider inventing espionage.

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*Article thumbnail and image adapted from original image by Joost Assink under Creative Commons License [https://www.flickr.com/photos/joostassink/2646931062/in/photostream/]