Crisis

Cartographers warn that sector bordergore is 'the true galactic crisis'

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Pan-galactic sector borders are “the true galactic crisis”, a consortium of cartographers from the Public Liaison Office for Topography of Space (PLOTS) stated this morning.

The cartographers issued a press release stating that cluttered sector map overlays are causing “administrative chaos” across every large space-nation, and warned of an “epidemic of eye strain for those species that have eyes.”

Sector administration was controversially overhauled by the Galactic UN’s Le Guin Act late last year in a bid to harmonize administration across the galaxy. Previously manually created, sectors are now automatically generated when a space-nation colonizes a planet.

PLOTS cartographer At’laas told Xenonion News:

“This is a growing crisis the likes of which we have never seen. Forget the ongoing issues with the Unbidden, or those robot revolutionaries, or the Great Khan, or those rogue L-Cluster nannites. These sectors herald the end of sapient life as we know it! …. What do you mean I’m being histrionic? Just think about it. Every 2-3 planets are pretty much forming their own sector. Sectors are growing exponentially, much faster than we have physical space for. One becomes two. Two becomes four. Four become 26.86 million. Before we know it, the entire galaxy will be clogged up with sectors - there will simply be no room for anything else!”

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Cartographers have urged the Galactic UN to allow adjustments to sectors through a series of intricate, minimalist pictures.

Opponents of sector reform have criticized PLOTS as fear mongering for attention and political purposes, as United Nations of Earth (UNE) sector governor Pancy Nelosi told our news team;

“These cartographers have clearly never struggled with employment and I’m not really sure why we should trust them as everyone nowadays seems to be some form of map-staring expert. Besides, the UNE having 253 sectors has given human governors a level of job security that we’ve not seen in millennia. If you ask me, every planet should be in its own sector!”

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Leaders of space nations have appeared nonplussed regarding the concerns raised by PLOTS, as Commonwealth of Man (CoM) leader Sidney Beauclair told Xenonion News:

“I dunno, this all seems a bit much. Sure, I used to enjoy putting all my non-core worlds in one big sector and leaving it at that. But now I just turn off the sector overlay map and I’m all good. Honestly I’d be grateful if we could look at the bigger picture here… like my empire borders not filling in completely between star systems.”

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Crime rates at record high following introduction of crime rate monitoring

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Levels of recorded crime have increased dramatically, according to newly released data from the Galactic Fact Office (GtFO).

The GtFO’s collated crime metrics show space nations registered a total of almost one trillion offenses in the last month, compared to zero in the entirety of recorded space history. The data includes deviancies observed in robotic and drone populations.

Figures show sharp increases in the rates of both petty and serious crimes since December 2252.

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Fraud and space piracy are among the most common types of crime reported, followed by xenophobic violence and Zro misuse.

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The results have been unsurprising to many interstellar government officials. Chancellor Meeeep, leader of the Stellar Starfish Empire (SSE) told Xenonion News earlier today;

“This white collar crime has been prevalent for some time now, particularly relating to individuals manipulating buying and selling of commodities on the stock market to make infinite energy credits.”

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Sociologists theorize that current crime levels are linked to pop unhappiness and poor living standards. They also warn that if crime levels continue at current rates, it is likely to be highly damaging to space nations in the long term.

Professional criminals have branded these warnings as “inflammatory.” Speaking to Xenonion News, Human Crime Lord Hans Olo defended his contributions to the galactic economy;

“This misperception of criminality being dangerous is dangerous. We do great things for our local communities. We provide jobs. For those planets that aren’t able to host the galactic market, we allow them to become unrivalled centres for drug trade. And really, mob rule is really no different to most forms of currently acceptable government anyway. Most of you would do well to have a smuggler’s port or wildcat mining operation in your vicinity.”

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Criminal heritage mega-corporations such as the Galactic Banking Cartel and Weyland-Yakuza have backed local syndicate operations, describing them as “very legal, and very cool.” The commercial entities have warned governments that any reduction in crime could impact on their profits, and in turn, planetary employment.

Criminal enforcers have been quick to publicly rebuke these statements. One such officer, human ‘Supreme Justice’ D. Redd, told Xenonion News:

Our worlds are in upheaval! Mega-cities are subjected to roving bands of savages who have created violence that justice systems are just not controlling. Law as we know it is collapsing. The criminals are winning. We need a new order. One where the police force is officer, jury, judge and executioner.”

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Many sector governors have expressed concern over crime impacting planetary stability. Some have announced plans to recruit more enforcers, while others have vowed to stop monitoring crime altogether, arguing it was never a problem until measurements began.

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Galactic time slowing down, may freeze completely

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Thousands of space-nations across the galaxy have reported that their universal clocks appear to be losing significant amounts of time.

At present one day in Galactic Standard Time (GST) is now on average five times as long as it was one (five) months ago.

Problems were first detected in December 2252 when localized pockets of ‘time stuttering’ emerged in the galactic core. These events were initially first thought to be isolated, but have since increased in frequency and generalized to all galactic regions.

Tik’Tok, leader of the Ubaric TechnoUnion, spoke to Xenonion News earlier today regarding his concerns:

“Previously our clocks ran just fine. 1 second per day as usual. But a couple of weeks ago we started getting these stutters at the start of every day. It was pretty terrifying. Everything would judder, like a giant earthquake, and things seemed to freeze momentarily. Then it would go back to normal…. expect now it’s taking 5 seconds for every day to pass. Something is deeply, deeply wrong here. The only benefit I can see is that I have more time to spend perfecting my facial tendrils, which now at least look particularly taut.”

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Scientists have confirmed the time delay exists but are struggling to explain it.

Karl Karling XI, a physicist from Earth’s prestigious University of Ulm told us;

“Honestly, I have no idea. Perhaps we’ve all existed in some sort of time bubble and now there’s a leak? Anyway, it’s probably for the best if things are slowing down. It takes me quite a while to maintain my facial hair. I just wish I could somehow merge my mustache into my beard.”

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Other theories have postulated that the alterations in time may be linked to space-nations using unorthodox means of travel like wormholes, gateways or jump drives.

Konn Spiricy of the Galactic UN’s Department of Culture told us;

“Are you familiar with the Vultaum? The precursor race that committed mass suicide because they thought they existed in a computer simulation? Well…. what if they were right? What if we are in some sort of ‘mainframe’ that’s struggling to cope with an increasing amount of data as our galaxy gets larger and busier? What if this was the reason Fallen Empires stagnated at the end of the last galactic cycle? It’s something to think about. Like my hair.”

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Current projections estimate that if the current time delays continue, by the year 2400 time may stop completely.

Several space nations have called for an emergency session of the Galactic Security Council to be held in the next 1-5 weeks, if current time delays remain stable.

Shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) have dropped, slowly, on the news.

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Awakened Fallen Empire tired, might re-stagnate

The Core, Fellnoll System, Fellnoll Restorers

The Fellnoll Restorers have announced they are “seriously reconsidering” their dramatic return to the galactic stage.

The fanatically xenophobic fallen empire surprised the galactic community last month when it awoke unexpectedly and adopted a doctrine of jingoistic reclamation, immediately annexing neighbouring unclaimed terrority and three smaller space nations.

As the Galactic UN Security Council debated emergency countermeasures this week, the Fellnoll suddenly halted all expansion and began to abandon newly conquered territory.

In a pan-galactic Shroud broadcast, Fellnoll leader Rem'Zz made this announcement;

“We awakened in response to our neighbours becoming more powerful - several of them were approaching 50k fleet power. We had to act. However, as we have begun to conquer and subjugate, we remembered why we became a Fallen Empire in the first place… we just can’t be bothered.

Do you know how much effort it takes to build and maintain a powerful fleet? Expand while balancing influence? Process and purge all of our new xeno prisoners? Honestly… it’s making being stagnant look quite appealing right now. We just want to go back to that.”

Image: Fellnoll leader Rem'Zz, between heavy bouts of yawning.

Image: Fellnoll leader Rem'Zz, between heavy bouts of yawning.

The broadcast was cut short as Rem'Zz demanded a three-day break to "just lie down."

The Fellnoll are a large, ancient and powerful empire. Details on their origins are limited, but galactic historians estimate they have existed for 1,000 years, reaching the peak of their power around 500 years ago. Following this, for reasons unknown although possibly owing to over-extension, their empire collapsed until only their core systems were left. Since then they have been highly isolationist and passive in their interactions towards others.

Neighbouring empires, and indeed Fallen Empires have reported relief at the Fellnoll’s announcement.

Lethorgy, leader of the Zantarim Holy Watchers Fallen Empire, told Xenonion News:

“Praise the Worm! If they remained awoken for another few weeks, chances were we would have to do the same and start the War in Heaven. No-one wants that. We’re still sleeping off the last 600 years of decadence, and although I can’t speak for the Fellnoll, we’re enjoying the warm, cosy fug of staying in our home system, turning off all the borders, and having a nice long slumber.”

Image: Lethorgy, leader of the Zantarim Holy Watchers.

Image: Lethorgy, leader of the Zantarim Holy Watchers.

The galactic stock market has jittered on the Fellnoll announcement.

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Mothoids banned from space travel after repeatedly flying ships into sun

Image: The mothoid colony ship LER Lumia, pictured moments before flying directly into the K-class Kibbith star.

Image: The mothoid colony ship LER Lumia, pictured moments before flying directly into the K-class Kibbith star.

Lepido Jor, Kibbith, Lepido Foundation

The Asuri Republics has introduced an emergency space-travel ban for its newly formed one planet minor client state, the Lepido Foundation.

The Lepido, a species of pre-sapient mothoids, were discovered serendipitously last month by the xenophilic Asuri, who promptly uplifted them and granted them protectorate status. 

However, since discovering sublight travel, the Lepido have repeatedly launched all of their civilian and military spaceships into Kibbith, the K-class star of their home system.

The doomed voyages made pan-galactic headlines last week after the Lepido's first colony ship carrying 100,000 mothoid pioneers was piloted directly into Kibbith, with all souls on board lost, presumed incinerated.

The Asuri government, spurned by pressure from internal xenophilic factions, has intervened in a bid to prevent domestic unrest.

Asuri matriarch Pelessarya told Xenonion News:

"The travel ban may seem extreme but at this point we have exhausted all other options. We spent 200 thousand energy credits on an education campaign for the Lepido trying to explain why flying into stars may not be a viable long term behaviour. Unfortunately it seems  that during the uplift process the Lepido gained slow learning, fleeting and non-adaptive traits, which has left them... not very receptive to much."

Image: Asuri matriarch Pelessarya wonders if xenophilia may have gone too far with regards to uplifting the Lepido.

Image: Asuri matriarch Pelessarya wonders if xenophilia may have gone too far with regards to uplifting the Lepido.

Asuri naval forces have now surrounded the Lepido's only planet, their homeworld of Lepido Jor, and offensive armies have occupied primary spaceports to ensure no mothoids are allowed to pilot ships.

Lepido pops have reacted angrily to the news of the blockage. Citizen Ir Vak told Xenonion News:

"This treatment is degrading! We are quite capable of taking -- oooo -- shiny light...."

Image: Lepido everymoth Ir Vak was outraged at various things that are expanded upon if you read the rest of the article and not the image subdescriptions.

Image: Lepido everymoth Ir Vak was outraged at various things that are expanded upon if you read the rest of the article and not the image subdescriptions.

The interview was cut short as Ir Vak became entranced by appearance of a bright light from one of Xenonion's floating eyeCameras.

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Billions dead following mass de-orbiting of spaceports to make way for starbases

Hamal II, Hamal System, Hamal Unified Territories

A new study published by the University of Hamal School of Orbital Harm (UH-OH) has determined that nearly 30 billion xenos have perished due to the recent epidemic of careless spaceport de-orbiting.

In recent weeks, all interstellar empires in the galaxy have simultaneously destroyed active spaceports, frontier outposts and defence platforms to free up resources for the construction of starbases.

Starbases are interstellar structures that orbit stars, not planets or moons, and allow empires to settle a system, project military power, promote research, encourage artistic expression, conduct espionage, or any of several other imperial activities.

Their inception follows in the wake of the Galactic UN's Cherryh Act (also known as the 'Apocalypse Act') which overhauled regulation on space construction. In a press statement several weeks ago the Galactic UN stated it had decided to merge spaceports, frontier outposts and defence platforms into starbases for "reasons."

The UH-OH study was prompted by the de-orbiting and destruction of the spaceport orbiting Hamal University's planet, Hamal II. Due to a miscalculation of aerodynamics, the 5000-ton structure impacted a local metropolis with over 2 billion residents. Nearly half were killed instantly, and the majority of xenos who remained were either crushed under fallen structures, burned alive, or trapped without sustenance.

Image: What goes up must come down. Chunks of falling space debris and decommissioned spaceports can cause catastrophic damage on impact.

Image: What goes up must come down. Chunks of falling space debris and decommissioned spaceports can cause catastrophic damage on impact.

Similarly tragic miscalculations and mistakes have claimed billions of other lives throughout the galaxy, yet practically no interstellar governments have made any statements on the matter. Some even deny that any disaster occurred at all, despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

The leader of the study, Dr. Natasha Volon, defended the study before a mixed audience of press and colleagues on Tuesday. In particular, she warned that “further inaction will necessarily result in further needless death.” She urged all assembled and watching elsewhere to “call upon your representatives and plead with your dictators to prevent any more blood- or spore-shed.”

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Area empire colonizes Prophet’s Retreat in move experts call “extremely reckless”

Image: The beautiful gaia world of Prophet's Retreat in the Acrux System has long been regarded as a Holy World by the Vool Crusaders, even though the planet does not lie within their borders.

Image: The beautiful gaia world of Prophet's Retreat in the Acrux System has long been regarded as a Holy World by the Vool Crusaders, even though the planet does not lie within their borders.

Prophet’s Retreat, Acrux System, Glaxanon-Vool Border

Leaders of the Glaxanon Republic have made the daring move of colonizing Prophet’s Retreat, one of the most beloved and precious holy worlds of the Vool Crusaders, a notoriously fervid spiritualist stagnant ascendancy.

Politicians from neighbouring spacenations were reportedly shifting uncomfortably in their seats as they watched live neural streams of Glaxanon colonists assembling remnants of their battered ship into a temporary shelter on the gaia world.

Experts in intergalactic relations have called the move “extremely reckless.” One such critic, Professor Charles Charlemagne XXI of Earth’s University of Ulm, told our newsteam;

“The Glaxanonians must be pre-sapient. They’re either going to have to leave, or they’re going to wind up in a serious war. I mean, the planet’s name is Prophet’s Retreat. Not Boldaruun II, or Iaxa Prime, or some other bland, boring name. It’s called P-r-o-p-h-e-t-’s R-e-t-r-e-a-t. Can you put clapping emojis between those letters when this is written down? No? Ok. Well. Could it be any more obvious that planet is off limits? Holy Guardians aren’t hard to keep happy. You can squish up against their borders all you want, you can colonize tomb worlds, just leave their holy planets alone.”

Ghorgax B’Kak, leader of the Glaxanon Republic, thinks the galactic community’s response has been melodramatic, stating;

“Look, it’s a pristine jewel of a planet. It doesn’t have any dangerous wildlife or difficult terrain to clear, and orbits a perfect star. It’s absolute perfection. What’s so special about it to the Vool? Surely if it was *that* important to them they would have built a frontier outpost near it or something. It's their own fault, really.”

We attempted to contact the Vool’s religious leader for comment, but his advisor went on a tangential tirade about immature materialist fools and threatened to sacrifice our reporter to the Gargantua Black Hole. After composing himself, he was able to give the short statement outlined below.

Image: A statement from the Vool Crusaders on the news of the colonization.

Image: A statement from the Vool Crusaders on the news of the colonization.

This situation has also torn a rift between the Glaxanon Republic and their federation ally, the Iferyx Amalgamated Planets. The two allies have already been at odds with each other in the past over their divergent attitudes toward spirituality and materialism, but were united in their love and passion for crushing dissent and free speech.

Iferyxi President, Lokar X’blasa fears this may be the end of their partnership, telling our reporters;

“Look, it’s not our holy world, but we can empathise with the Vool, being spiritualists ourselves. But that’s not the biggest issue here. Let’s be frank: this is going to turn into a gigantic s***show and we don’t want to get annihilated by an angry superpower. As it is, they’ve been sending us some really nasty psi-mails and we know this is going to lead to war soon. We aren’t going to let this be our ruination.”

The Yondarim Forerunners, a materialist stagnant ascendancy and longtime rival to the Vool Crusaders, were one of the few spacenations to welcome Glaxanon’s colonization effort. Verner, a member of the executive ruling council, told us:

“You can’t expect a young nation like the Glaxanon to not take such an opportunity presented in front of them. I’d also like to take this moment to preemptively strenuously deny that we put any pressure on Glaxanon leadership to colonise Prophet's Retreat. Any assertion that we threatened them with war unless they did that is hearsay and slander, and reasonable casus belli for war.”

Image: Glaxanon colonists begin planetary colonization of Prophet's Retreat, seemingly ignoring warnings about its religious heritage.

Image: Glaxanon colonists begin planetary colonization of Prophet's Retreat, seemingly ignoring warnings about its religious heritage.

A consortium of spiritualist nations have appealed to the Galactic UN to intervene in the colonisation. B’Kak however, remains unwilling to vacate the planet, concluding;

“It would lead to our humiliation if we left the planet now. We’re staying there no matter what. And then, we’re going to begin the process of putting our populations’ minds into synthetic bodies. We’ll be unstoppable.

> More accurate reporting from Spagruum Yu'll could not be possible.

> More accurate editing from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

UNE reels from devastating molluscoid attack, Centaurus obliterated

Image: Breaking news of the attack on Xenonion eyeStreams.

Image: Breaking news of the attack on Xenonion eyeStreams.

Earth, Sol System, United Nations of the Earth

The United Nations of Earth (UNE) has been left reeling from a devastating attack by the Stellar Starfish Empire (SSE) on Friday, which saw the human planet of Centaurus Prime obliterated.

The brutal surprise offensive from the militaristic-xenophobic molluscoids began at around 17.00 GST, when several large fleets were detected on sensors entering the UNE's sparsely defended outer Centaurus sector.

The UNE's 3rd and 4th Rapid Response Fleets, on patrol in the region, reacted immediately to the incursion but were quickly overwhelmed and forced to take evasive action, sustaining significant losses in the process.

Emboldened by an initial swift victory, the SSE set a direct course to the Centaurus Sector's eponymous capitol, Centaurus Prime - a world of critical importance to humanity as it straddles a direct hyperlane gateway to UNE core worlds.

The remnants of the 3rd and 4th Fleets regrouped with reinforcements from the 2nd Fleet, and a defensive line was drawn at Centauri Prime in a bid to buy time for the UNE's primary 1st Fleet to arrive from Earth.

Image: A Xenonion News corvette captures the moment the 3rd and 4th Fleets depart from Centaurus Prime to engage the unknown molluscoid threat.

Image: A Xenonion News corvette captures the moment the 3rd and 4th Fleets depart from Centaurus Prime to engage the unknown molluscoid threat.

Counter-defensive measures provided futile however, as once again UNE fleets were overpowered by the SSE, which reportedly had access to novel 'Titan battleships' fitted with powerful perdition beams. Molluscoid ships sustained minimal damage in the ensuing battle, while the UNE fleets were decimated. Current figures estimate up to 15,000 human crew are dead or missing in action.

As Centaurus braced for planetary invasion, the SSE unexpectedly fired on the planet with a prototype Colossus-class planet destroyer, a weapon which has recently been controversially approved by the Galactic UN for military use.

Planetary damage was cataclysmic and absolute, with an estimated 2.3 billion xenos dead, the majority being human.

Image: A departing shuttle pictures the horrifying moment the SSE fired a planet-destroying weapon on Centaurus Prime. Moments later, the planet was shattered.

Image: A departing shuttle pictures the horrifying moment the SSE fired a planet-destroying weapon on Centaurus Prime. Moments later, the planet was shattered.

The SSE has since refused humanity's request for peace, and its ships have since been lost from sensors. Mandatory evacuations orders across all UNE outer worlds have been issued, and martial law is now in effect in core worlds. The 1st Fleet has drawn secondary defensive lines in Procyon.

The UNE General Assembly in Ulm has been suspended, with temporary emergency executive power being transferred to President Jeffrey Rossario.

Addressing the UNE on an all-net broadcast on Friday evening from a secure off-world location, Rossario stated:

"I send this message out to all those watching from Earth and beyond. Whether you're a farmer on New Eden, a scientist working on an research station or a soldier aboard a troop transport ship - do not waver. We will never forget Centaurus Prime, and we will never forgive.

In this time of need, remember our Human Oath. We solemnly swear to devote our lives and abilities to the United Nations of Earth. We will defend the Constitution of Man and further the universal rights of all sentient life, no matter the threat. From the depths of the Pacific, to the outer reaches of Centaurus, humanity will prevail."

Image: President Rossario delivers an address to the UNE following the attack.

Image: President Rossario delivers an address to the UNE following the attack.

The speech received rapturous applause from public broadcasts across human territories.

The attack has been roundly condemned by empires from across the galactic political spectrum, barring xenophobic species. Several xenophilic nations, including the Asuri Republics, Lyrian Polity, T'Valdra Allied Stars and Ubaric Techno-Union have pledged economic assistance to the UNE.

Perhaps most surprisingly the Commonwealth of Man (CoM), which was briefly known as the 'Imperium of Man' for a short period of time before a copyright suit from a parallel universe was filed, declared war on the SSE in "solidarity with humanity." The fellow human spacenation had previously been a longstanding rival of the UNE.

CoM leader Sidney Beauclair stated on Friday evening:

"We may not agree with the United Nations of Earth, but they are our brethren. These molluscoids are a threat to all humans, UNE or Commonwealth. We put aside our petty differences, and unity in the purity and supremacy of our species. Those space crabs aren't going to know what's purged them."

Image: Sidney Beauclair of the Commonweath of Man issued a rare statement of solidarity with the UNE.

Image: Sidney Beauclair of the Commonweath of Man issued a rare statement of solidarity with the UNE.

The Galactic UN's Security Council, which recently approved the use of planet-destroying weapons, held an emergency session on Saturday. It has urged "restraint" on all sides, and encouraged the UNE to invest in its own Colossus-class planet destroyer as a priority for "future deterrence."

Shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) have dropped sharply, and trading has been temporarily suspended.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

Galactic Security Council votes to approve planet-destroying superweapons

Image: The Galactic Security Council have approved construction of planet-destroying Colossus-class ships. Pictured during a test-fire last month, CNS Behemoth fires upon the planet of Izir, which was selected for the honor via a galactic televote. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Image: The Galactic Security Council have approved construction of planet-destroying Colossus-class ships. Pictured during a test-fire last month, CNS Behemoth fires upon the planet of Izir, which was selected for the honor via a galactic televote. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

The Galactic UN Security Council on Thursday voted unanimously 13-0 in favour of passing the 'Apocalypse Act', a decision which is expected to have widespread ramifications across the stellar expanse.

The emergency motion paves the way for space nations to legally construct previously banned weapons, including orbital defence ion cannons, Titan-class battleships and Colossus-class planet destroyers.

Galactic UN Director Anward held a press briefing earlier today in which he stated:

"Today marks a new beginning for galactic security, peace and prosperity. Yes, this is an exceptional measure, but we live in an exceptional time. For too long rogue space amoebas, pirates and cultists have terrorized young space nations. For too long the empires of the Outer Rim have warred amongst themselves as the Unbidden have proliferated. The Apocalypse Act will restore order and stability to the galaxy."

While individual empires are free to build defence systems and Titan-class ships of their own volition, Colossus-class ships are expected to be heavily regulated, with weapons systems being limited to five that have been pre-approved by the Security Council.

These include:

  • World Cracker: Fires a prolonged pulse of energy, shattering a planet.
  • Neutron Sweep: Destroys higher forms of life, leaving infrastructure intact.
  • Global Pacifier: Encases the planet in an impenetrable shield.
  • God Ray: Converts all organic pops to spiritualist and destroys all non-organic pops.
  • Nanobot Dispersal: Cyborgizes and assimilates all organic pops.

Militarist and authoritarian empires have applauded the Security Council's actions, as have mining corporations which are expected to benefit immensely from a boon in minerals with World Cracking.

Image: The Galactic UN press conference offered a demo video on how 'Global Pacification' would work. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Image: The Galactic UN press conference offered a demo video on how 'Global Pacification' would work. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Pacifist and egalitarian empires have strongly opposed the move. One of the most vocal critics, Senator Bale Orgasna, from the one-planet minor of New Alderaan, told our newsdesk:

"... CHRIST NO NOT AGAIN! [aside] EVACUATE THE PLANET. EVACUATE IT NOW!"

Prominent rent-a-pacifist, Gaandee, continued:

"In a galaxy that is dark and full of weaponised terrors, and I cannot fathom how allowing even more destructive weapons will keep us safe. It also strikes me as convenient that the Security Council will get a cut from the profits of these weapons sold. Self serving much? I mean -- wait. Did someone say there was a ray that converts everyone to peace-loving spiritualists? Uh. Right. Excuse me - I need to, uh, make an appointment with uh [frowning at Shroud-enabled fax], the nearest shipyard." 

Public opinion on the news has been largely positive. Humanoid Ozy from The Forge told our Roving News Corvette:

"If everyone has big guns, then there's peace."

Seeking to reassure smaller empires who raised concerns about fleet power being concentrated in those with already advanced AI, Director Anward went on to state:

"I'd like to reassure those concerned not worry, we've thought long and hard about balance. Though nominally a military ship, Colossi have no actual fleet combat capability, so your grand navy of six naked corvettes will survive any planetary attack."

The Galactic UN did not respond to questions from reporters about how it plans to police underground black markets like the notorious 'Steam Workshop', where it is expected highly modified superweapons will be crafted and distributed.

Image: Commercials have already begun circulating on the Steam Workshop blackmarket advertising 'modified' versions of the UN-approved superweapons.

Image: Commercials have already begun circulating on the Steam Workshop blackmarket advertising 'modified' versions of the UN-approved superweapons.

Shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) rallied on the news.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

Area xenophile unexpectedly closes borders, rejects refugees

Image: The Polity Matriarch Posing on a poster advertising the empire’s new stance on immigration.

Image: The Polity Matriarch Posing on a poster advertising the empire’s new stance on immigration.

Lyria, Argea System, Lyrian Polity

The Lyrian Polity has unexpectedly closed their borders to all non-allied empires.

Eleven years ago, the fanatically xenophilic empire vowed to give shelter to more refugees than any other nation, a goal which has been generally successful.

However, ongoing conflicts such as the outbreak of war in neighbouring Cevanti systems and the ongoing Unbidden invasion of the Outer Rim has dramatically increased the number of pops seeking shelter on Lyrian plaents, which are struggling to integrate the refugee influx. Lyria has also been weakened politically after the Unbidden declined an invitation to join its federation last month after disintegrating a diplomatic attache sent to its home portal.

Leader of the Polity, Matriarch Athaea, explains the situation:

"We realize this [the immigration] is at least partly a problem because we chose the "Free Haven" civic, and that changing this would reduce the problem. However, we can currently not afford the influence cost of a government reformation, as we spent so much in the last election in order to ensure my 7th term as ruler.”

In order to gain the time needed to develop a more efficient way to integrate aliens and make alien-friendly adaptations to all habitable zones, the Lyrian Polity has broken twelve migration treaties, set their immigration policy to "citizen species only", demolished a tourist centre and closed their borders completely to all empires except the members of the Harmonious Axis federation. But the Polity Matriarch empathizes that the actions taken temporary solutions, and the current policies will only remain active for a minimum of ten years.

Response from citizens in the Lyrian Polity has been mixed. In particular, the dominant Xeno Freedom Society has been upset by the move. Faction leaders told The Xenonion that the refugees have been nothing but helpful, as the influx of happy, industrious pops have boosted mineral production in planets suffering from slow growth. On the ground, unrest has arisen in many sectors with a strong Xeno Freedom presence, even driving production to a halt on some planets. A common battle cry among protesters has been "Not my Matriarch!"

The effects can already be felt across the galactic community and the Galactic UN has called an emergency meeting of the ruling council.

The Xenonion interviewed Damm Eylee'ens, diplomatic representative from the xenophobic Xenda'ar Conglomerate.

"Hypocrisy,  that's what it is. First the Lyrians lecture every single member of Galactic UN about the importance of "helping your neighbour". Then, at the first sign of trouble, they close their borders like a xenophobic Fallen Empire. At least we were honest about our opinion that all alien life is a sickness that we must get rid of."

Among the few empires to view this as a positive development is Saiiban Flock, a Hive Mind who generously invites refugees of all social castes to come and visit their empire.

> More accurate reporting from Heuknaize could not be possible

Science ship mysteriously vanishes in uncharted system

Pictured: The Belvares Maelstrom, an uncharted system containing a black hole is the last known location of the ship.

Pictured: The Belvares Maelstrom, an uncharted system containing a black hole is the last known location of the ship.

Thessily, Parnaby System, Asuri Republics

A major search is underway after the Asuri Republics confirmed one of its most advanced science ships, the ASR Lyara, has gone missing in the uncharted Belvares Maelstrom system.

The alarm was raised when the Lyara failed to arrive at the Asuri homeworld of Thessily this morning on a scheduled return from a routine scouting expedition.

Centralised Asuri navigation logs highlighted the ship's last position as being several hyperlanes off course in the Belvares System, which is known to contain a black hole.

Efforts to communicate with the ship have thus far been unsuccessful. Remote analysis of the ship's most recent computer readings suggest that the crew may have been investigating an unusual signal emanating from the region.

A search and rescue team has been assembled on Thessily, and is to be lead by Asuri Commander Bensa, who issued this press statement moments ago:

"These sort of situations are difficult. It's going to be a very tough operation. We have the black hole working against us - with gravity, with time-distortion, with line of sight. But we need to get to work - time is gravity, and sight is desired."

The conference came to an abrupt end as several members of the audience, appearing genuinely distressed, began to correct Bensa chanting "time is sight" and "gravity is desire." 

It is expected the Asuri will launch a series of time is sight into the region to establish if gravity is desire, however the prospect of time is sight is becoming increasingly gravity is desire.

With the majority of the time is sight being classified, little is known of the gravity is desire or the families they time is sight. Rough estimates suggest time is sight may have had a capacity of up to gravity is desire. The ship itself was equipped with time is sight and advanced gravity is desire, with some arguing what was, will be.

Pictured: SAW EB, LLIW TAHW; EB LLIW, SAW TAHW

Pictured: SAW EB, LLIW TAHW; EB LLIW, SAW TAHW

A public time is sight has been launched on gravity is desire to help with fundraising towards what was, will be; what will be was.

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> More accurate reporting from what was, will be, will be, was.

Billions dead after sector governor wrongly terraforms colonized planets

Image: This far the only confirmed survivors are the former workers of the space ports

Image: This far the only confirmed survivors are the former workers of the space ports

Pcuss Prime, Saryara System, Pcuss Star Congress

At least 14.3 billion Pcussian citizens are feared dead after a rogue sector governor terraformed 3 colonized worlds into biomes incompatible with existing life forms.

The multiple terraforming projects took place in the planet heavy system of Zendaya and completed simultaneously this morning, causing cataclysmic ecosystem collapse.

In a press release moments ago, Pcussian president P’Frr stated:

“This is a dark hour for the Pcuss Star Congress. The Zendaya Sector has been completely annihilated following the actions of Governor P’Latt, who has been confirmed dead alongside billions of our fellow citizens.

For reasons we cannot yet comprehend, Governor P’Latt took it upon himself to terraform three pristine continental worlds into arid wastelands. Horrifically, when the terraforming completed, the atmospheres on all of these worlds collapsed, asphyxiating anything organic above ground.

This process began 3 years ago, and was hidden from Central Congress. We had absolutely no indication or notification this was happening, other than P’Latt requesting 50,000 extra energy credits in financial support for the sector every week.

We will rebuild, we will persevere, we will change our government notification system to filter out spam – but for now we must remember those we have lost.”

P’Latt had been appointed to governorship 3 and a half years ago, and was widely rumoured to be inexperienced and substance misusing.

Pcussian rescue teams are currently combing the remains of the former worlds to see if any survivors were able to make it airlocks below ground, but their prognosis remains extremely guarded.

The Pcussian Star Congress has revoked all sector authority, and declared a 70 year period of mourning.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible