Blorg Commonality

Blorg Commonality declares bankruptcy after undocking fleet from spaceport

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The Blorg Commonality has filed for bankruptcy after undocking its 66-ship strong 1st Friend Fleet from its home spaceport.

The fungoid space-nation is one of the cluster’s largest economies, but has struggled to maintain positive energy credit flow after running out of influence to renew a capacity overload edict last month.

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The 1st Friend Fleet was undocked to assist combating rogue mining drones in outer Blorg systems, but the move immediately incurred the treasury 31,465 energy per day for ship maintenance, more than 2000% of the Commonality’s daily GDP output.

The news casts a shadow over the long term viability of the Blorg Commonality, which is home to a population of roughly 1.3 trillion over-familiar pops.

Speaking earlier today, Blorg finance minister Crystal Smith told a press conference:

“I would like to reassure our populace that we have this situation under control.

We are currently looking into approving an emergency budget, which would include suspending non-essential services such as the military, basic utilities, food distribution, healthcare and education.”

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ANALYSIS
Ashley Easterbrook
The Commonality's energy crisis is bad not just for the local cluster, but also for the galaxy as a whole, as investors get jittery. And as civil unrest continues to grow, questions are rightfully being asked as to how this financial disaster could have happened.
While there are no clear answers, one thing is striking - this isn't just an energy crisis. It's an influence deficit crisis.
The Commonality was extremely reliant on producing extra energy from power plants via the Capacity Overload edict. This is a common form of economic policy pursued by most mid-level space-nations. Unfortunately the edit appears to have expired and the government couldn't afford to replace it.
So, where has all the influence been going? Only time will tell....

The Riggan Commerce Exchange, a trading enclave that forms part of the Galactic Banking Cartel, has stepped in to offer help. Public relations executive Mun'upoli told Xenonion News:

“As a giant, faceless banking conglomerate we have a duty to protect our brand image - which is why we have decided a random act of charity might be helpful.

We are willing to cover the Blorg Commonality's energy deficit for a discounted price of only 20,000 minerals per month for the next 400 months.”

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Image: The Blorg Commonality has started a GoFundMe page to #KeepTheFleetOutOfDock

Image: The Blorg Commonality has started a GoFundMe page to #KeepTheFleetOutOfDock

As civil unrest grows across Blorg systems, the Commonality government has set up a Galactic GoFundMe page to assist with balancing its energy budget.

Stock markets have responded extremely negatively to the news, with the composite Space Exchange Index (SExI) shedding almost 3% of its value before close of trading today.

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Daily hyperlane commutes extended by an average of 4 years, survey finds

Image: Commuting times via hyperlanes have increased significantly - it's now common to see heavy build-ups of space traffic around hyperlane entrances and exits.

Image: Commuting times via hyperlanes have increased significantly - it's now common to see heavy build-ups of space traffic around hyperlane entrances and exits.

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

New figures from the Galactic Fact Office (GtFO) show that almost 35.6 trillion galactic workers have had their daily commute extended by at least four years.

The survey of 1.8 million commuters was commissioned in the wake of the galaxy's universal switch to hyperlane transport last week.

It found that:

  • 98% of commuters are now using hyperlane transport, compared to 45% before, with the remainder using isolated forms of natural wormholes (1%), artificial gateways (0.7%) or jump drives (0.3%).
  • Of those using hyperlane transport, average commute time increased by 2916%
  • Those working in military, scientific or construction jobs were most likely to be affected
  • 94% of those surveyed stated they would not be keen to travel a distance of more than one system in one commute

Snur Nursnur, space transport minister for the Ubaric TechnoUnion, has called on the Galactic UN to do more to prevent "excessive" transit times, telling Xenonion:

"This has been a direct result of the galaxy switching to hyperlanes, although the problem does not lie with the hyperlanes themselves. This is actually caused by new traffic restrictions on ships traveling within systems at sub-light speeds. We can't ignore this - while four yearly commutes are perfectly feasible in the short term, over time it may start affecting commuters' well-being, and will probably even have an impact on work efficiency too."

Image: Snur Nursur wants the Galactic UN to ease sub-light speed restrictions.

Image: Snur Nursur wants the Galactic UN to ease sub-light speed restrictions.

Lengthier commutes are now becoming an accepted part of many xenos' routines.

Xirk Zenmar, a power plant worker from the Urseni Confederated Worlds, told Xenonion;

"I live on Urseni Prime, but I visit several power plants across our core worlds. Before I could commute with ease, but now I spend at least 3 years a day travelling by hyperlane. It's a mild inconvenience."

Image: Xirk Zenmar works at power plants or something. Presumably, however, he spends the majority of his time being really cute and adorable.

Image: Xirk Zenmar works at power plants or something. Presumably, however, he spends the majority of his time being really cute and adorable.

Other commuters are going to great lengths to avoid long journeys.

Jane Smith, a Blorg scientist, told us her trick:

"I'm often sent on far-flung projects to the outer reaches of the galaxy. My commute can take a whole lifetime, and sometimes before I even get to my destination I'll get called back to my homeworld to investigate something inane. I've found the easiest way to get round this is to simply dismantle my science ship, and somehow I auto-teleport back to Blorg Prime. I'm really not sure how this process works, but it's great and I can't fathom why it's not been introduced everywhere."

Image: Jane Smith, a gross fungoid, talks about some gross fungoid issue.

Image: Jane Smith, a gross fungoid, talks about some gross fungoid issue.

The Galactic UN has yet to comment on the survey from the GtFO.

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Blorg Commonality allowed to compete in Earth's 2251 Football Championship

Blorg Prime, Blorg System, Blorg Commonality

The Human Football Authority (HFA) has confirmed the Blorg Commonality will be allowed to participate in the United Nations of Earth's (UNE's) 2251 Football Championship.

The Blorg have had a longstanding and overly attached fascination with human culture since first contact, and for years have petitioned the HFA to allow their species to compete in the human-only pastime.

The HFA previously rejected the Blorgs' request on the grounds they lack feet, which had been deemed as essential to play. However, following the Blorgs' pledge to assist the UNE in the War on the Unbidden, the HFA relaxed this criteria.

Football, also known as soccer or sphere kicking, is a traditional human game in which two opposing teams chase a small, brightly-coloured, gas-filled orb, also known as a 'ball'. The game takes place on a large, flat green-hued fescue field, locally known as 'grass', under Earth-like gravity. The two teams each guard one of two nets standing on opposite sides of the field, and points are scored depending on how often each team can penetrate their opponents nets with the orb. In an unusual twist, each team is only allowed to move the orb with their lower limbs, hence the 'foot' prefix. The team with the most points at the end of the game wins. 

The Football Championship runs annually in Earth's capitol of Ulm, with teams fielded from each UNE planet. FC Earth-Ryukyu and FC Horizon are the best known teams in the local cluster.

Image: The Blorg Commonality has already formed an intragalactic team and is currently in the process of recruiting players.

Image: The Blorg Commonality has already formed an intragalactic team and is currently in the process of recruiting players.

News that the Blorg have been allowed into the championships has stirred a buzz on Blorg Prime, with thousands requesting to participate, like Gunilla Miller, a freelance librarian on St. Knatchbull:

"I'm very excited! Football is so intriguing. I'm very interested in spheres, and I'm very interested in human legs. When the prospect of interacting with these two elements in the form of a game with our human friends came up, I just couldn't resist it."

The reaction among human football fans has generally been positive, as FC Earth-Ryukyu fan Misha Kontarsky told us:

"I think it adds something different to the game, having a team that doesn't have legs and can only slither across the pitch in a slow manner. Plus, it gives those poor human players over at FC Horizon a chance to finally win a match."

The announcement will likely pave the way for other non-human species to apply to compete, which in turn may lead to the creation of the first intergalactic sports association.

Tune in to our sports segment tonight for further coverage on the above developments.

> More accurate reporting from Heuknaize could not be possible.