Galactic UN

Scientists overworked following discovery of archeology

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The recent discovery of ‘archeology’ and the subsequent rush to excavate new dig sites and analyze artifacts have left millions of scientists struggling to cope, a new survey has found.

The Galactic Fact Office (GtFO) surveyed over 105 million scientists from across the galaxy and found that 60% reported significant levels of stress, citing ‘completely unsustainable’ workload pressures. 20% stated they would like to resign outright despite being locked into lifelong employment contracts, and 40% hoped to transfer to a less stressful job, such as being elected an empire leader.

Image: The initial results of the GtFO’s survey of scientists

Image: The initial results of the GtFO’s survey of scientists

Science faction leaders have called for drastic action and a major rethink by the Galactic United Nations (Galactic UN) to stop what has been dubbed by as ‘death by artifacts.’

Perry Neum, General Secretary for the Unified Academies of Stellar Sciences, Exploration and Surveyance (UASSES) stated:

“It’s clear from the GtFO survey that our scientists are struggling, and the turning point has been the mass uncovering of all these archeology dig sites. Now
why we’ve only just uncovered all these sites with no real change in our sensor technology is one thing, but what’s really challenging is no-one has stopped to think about the effects these mass excavations are having on our scientists. Before, scientists were already busy running research departments, exploring unknown space and undertaking special projects. Now they’re also having to excavate entire planets for years at a time? Who thought this though? It’s really undermining the quality of research output.”

Image: Perry Neum, General Secretary of UASSES

Image: Perry Neum, General Secretary of UASSES

One scientist who spoke to Xenonion and wished to remain anonymous, Dr. Iden Tiffyed, stated:

“I just need to get out of this job before it kills me. Literally. You know one of my colleagues got mangled by the Enigmatic Fortress last week? And just yesterday another simply vanished into parallel dimension chasing up some weird message about gravity being desired. It’s not exactly making me love my job. I want to start a family someday, but how can I? At any moment someone in government might forget to set my ship to ‘evasive’ status and boom - I get wiped out by a rabid void cloud. I really wish I’d just trained to become a sector governor.”

Image: Dr. Iden Tiffyed’s helmet finally comes in useful not only for going incognito as an anonymous source in news articles, but also for undertaking underwater excavations.

Image: Dr. Iden Tiffyed’s helmet finally comes in useful not only for going incognito as an anonymous source in news articles, but also for undertaking underwater excavations.

The GtFO survey also asked what would make science jobs better, however no respondents replied as a major battle just finished with a Fallen Empire in unclaimed space and every scientist was put on priority alert to try and scavenge progenitor technologies.

A spokesxeno for the Galactic UN has refuted the claim that scientists are overworked, stating the assignment of scientists to archeology excavations “is of critical importance to science", and should help to foster a “sense of pride and accomplishment” in the scientific community.

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Xenonion Interviews: Paradux, Galactic UN staffer

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On the 9th of May 2253 the Galactic United Nations celebrated its inaugural anniversary.

The pan-galactic organization, which comprises of all major space-nations, is the ultimate legal authority in known space. It has played a pivotal role in shaping galactic affairs, from establishing war conventions to regulating megacorporations.

Although the Galactic UN has been in existence for eons, the inaugural date has added significance as it marks three years since construction was completed on the institution’s new Interstellar Assembly headquarters in the Manward System.

The megastructure holds the key organs of power within the Galactic UN, including the Executive Branch currently headed by President Moregård, the Galactic Security Council, the Galactic Senate, and the galaxy’s largest Starbugs coffee shop by both capacity and volume of Grey Goo lattes served.

With inaugural celebrations ongoing, Xeonion News sat down for an exclusive interview with Paradux, a senior Galactic UN staffer, to look at some of the key moments in the organization’s history.


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Paradux, thank you for taking the time to speak to us today.

[Introductory Quack]

As we know, the 9th of May marks an important date in galactic history. Can you tell us what it means for you?

For us here at the Galactic UN, it marks a celebration of interstellar unification. It was the first day that faster than light (FTL) travel was discovered by every species in the galaxy simultaneously.

In retrospect, it isn’t it somewhat strange that every major species discovered FTL at the same time?

No, it’s definitely not suspicious or ominous at all.

Well, that’s reassuring to know. The Galactic UN itself will be hosting an extravagant celebration ceremony spanning several weeks involving space fireworks, flotillas of military corvettes, and the Grand Senate Hall being pumped full of hallucinogens to induce chemical bliss. What are you most looking forward to?

All of it! We’re also granting limited free access to species across the galaxy who haven’t yet discovered FTL travel.

So effectively the Galactic UN is freely enlightening primitive species for a period of time?

Exactly. We want every xeno to experience the thrill of taking their first steps into space and squabbling incessantly with neighbouring species over petty issues like border rights.

That sounds like a wonderfully accurate representation of life in the galaxy right now.

Personally I won’t be getting to attend a lot of the celebratory events, as I’ll be spending most of my time ushering these new folks into the customs of galactic life. I’ll also need to make sure they don’t fall into any rookie traps, like flying into stars or accidentally breaching the Shroud.

Interestingly, rumour has it that the Galactic UN’s in-house catering team is planning to serve an exclusive feast for high ranking diplomats, including prohibited delicacies such as freshly sourced primitive sapient species. Does this explain the recent move to uplift so many new species?

Most definitely not!

[Quacking softly into ear piece] … Shut it down. They know.

Sorry, did you say something there?

No, not at all! Er, where was I? Ah. Yes. Tiyanki. I think they’re serving Tiyanki. I’ve heard Tiyanki is delightful. Hopefully one day I’ll get to try it!

In terms of legislative power, the Galactic UN has played a significant role in shaping space regulation, for example authorizing the use of planet-destroying weaponry, or recognizing mega-corporations as space nations in their own right. In your opinion what do you think has been the most important regulation, and why?

Allowing mega-corporations to become political entities was an outstanding move, despite much of the established galactic community pushing back against it at first. We managed to introduce regulations and standardised workflows even for non-corporate entities, allowing leaders to manage their planets in incredibly efficient and unique ways. There’s still work to be done to tweak these systems and processes, but I believe we’re on a perfect track right now.

There have been some controversial Galactic UN initiatives, including the banning of space embassies in 2251, when over 2.3 million diplomatic staff lost their jobs. Which regulation do you think has raised the most eyebrows, among species which have eyebrows of course, and why?

Recent legislation that made changes to how leaders were able to manage sectors certainly raised a lot of eyebrows among those lucky enough to have such appendages. It’s certainly caused much debate on the Galactic Senate floor.

Perhaps one of the most sweeping reforms the Galactic UN introduced was the universal switch to hyperlanes in 2252. Was your commute to work affected?

Absolutely - it got longer! However, over time I adapted and started to see some benefits - in particular I discovered the Galactic UN’s own broadcasting podcast with Shams Blorgani and Daniel Goldblorg. I’d highly recommend it if you’re ever stuck in sub-light traffic.

Militarists and xenophiles alike argue that the Galactic UN can get too bogged down in bureaucracy, often overlooking real crises like the ongoing Unbidden invasion of the Outer Rim. The conflict has already claimed trillions of xenos, and produced similar numbers of fleeing refugees. Some would even go as far to claim that media outlets like Xenonion are colluding with the Galactic UN to avoid addressing such issues, throwing politicians and diplomats softball questions in exchange for guest interviews. Can you tell us, unequivocally, if you had to choose between flavours of Starbugs coffee would you opt for Grey Goo, or decaf Zro?

Grey Goo every time.

Starbugs™ does not sponsor nor endorse this message. In other completely unrelated advertising, buy Starbugs™ now for the richest and fullest coffee flavours from across the Galaxy and support your friends at PlatyCorp at the same time.

The galaxy is witnessing a marked rise in anti-mainstream sentiment. Xenos are increasingly ignoring evidence based science and forgoing Javorian Pox vaccines, while spiritualists are turning away from established corporate religions to join alt-faiths such as The Church of the Worm. One particularly popular conspiracy that’s gaining traction at the moment claims that we all exist in a giant computer simulation, and every aspect of our lives is being dictated by an external overlord. What do you make of this?

How can this world be real, if our mirrors are eyes that feel the light of a black hole?

Sorry, what?

It’s a real thinker, that one.

I’m still not sure I follow.

Honestly, you’re not going to understand this without first accepting Steve as the one true leader of all sapient species.

I see. It sounds like you might need another cup of delicious, freshly roasted Starbug’s coffee.

[Celebratory Quack]

So, eye mirrors and Steve aside, the Galactic UN recently drew up a list of ‘Galactic Cultural Heritage Sites’, recognizing areas of outstanding natural beauty or of important cultural value. It included places like the Gargantua Black Hole or Desolas, the galaxy’s only tomb world resort planet. Do you think any other places in the galaxy should make the list?

Manward Prime should never be forgotten. I’ve not seen a star system quite as unique or wonderful, and I’m unsure we will for some time. Let’s also not forget that, while unwise to do so, the galactic core is a pretty spectacular place too. That should make the list.

And finally, looking forwards the future (but without using the Shroud), where do you see the Galactic UN in three years’ time?

Still here, that’s almost a certainty. We have a lot of plans to help the galactic community grow and build strong relationships throughout space and we’re not going to be stopping for long with our break before getting right back to it with more life improvements, new discoveries, and mandated Grey Goo Lattes. Watch this space.

I’ll raise a tasty, tasty cup of Starbugs Coffee to that. Paradux, thank you for your time.

[Polite Quacking]


Paradux has since returned to the Galactic UN and is now working for the Bureau of Bureaucracy.

Celebrations are continuing over the weekend to mark the inaugural anniversary of the Galactic UN. If you would like to get involved, as above, visit here for more information.

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Cartographers claim sector bordergore 'true galactic crisis'

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Pan-galactic sector borders are “the true galactic crisis”, a consortium of cartographers from the Public Liaison Office for Topography of Space (PLOTS) stated this morning.

The cartographers issued a press release stating that cluttered sector map overlays are causing “administrative chaos” across every large space-nation, and warned of an “epidemic of eye strain for those species that have eyes.”

Sector administration was controversially overhauled by the Galactic UN’s Le Guin Act late last year in a bid to harmonize administration across the galaxy. Previously manually created, sectors are now automatically generated when a space-nation colonizes a planet.

PLOTS cartographer At’laas told Xenonion News:

“This is a growing crisis the likes of which we have never seen. Forget the ongoing issues with the Unbidden, or those robot revolutionaries, or the Great Khan, or those rogue L-Cluster nannites. These sectors herald the end of sapient life as we know it! …. What do you mean I’m being histrionic? Just think about it. Every 2-3 planets are pretty much forming their own sector. Sectors are growing exponentially, much faster than we have physical space for. One becomes two. Two becomes four. Four become 26.86 million. Before we know it, the entire galaxy will be clogged up with sectors - there will simply be no room for anything else!”

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Cartographers have urged the Galactic UN to allow adjustments to sectors through a series of intricate, minimalist pictures.

Opponents of sector reform have criticized PLOTS as fear mongering for attention and political purposes, as United Nations of Earth (UNE) sector governor Pancy Nelosi told our news team;

“These cartographers have clearly never struggled with employment and I’m not really sure why we should trust them as everyone nowadays seems to be some form of map-staring expert. Besides, the UNE having 253 sectors has given human governors a level of job security that we’ve not seen in millennia. If you ask me, every planet should be in its own sector!”

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Leaders of space nations have appeared nonplussed regarding the concerns raised by PLOTS, as Commonwealth of Man (CoM) leader Sidney Beauclair told Xenonion News:

“I dunno, this all seems a bit much. Sure, I used to enjoy putting all my non-core worlds in one big sector and leaving it at that. But now I just turn off the sector overlay map and I’m all good. Honestly I’d be grateful if we could look at the bigger picture here… like my empire borders not filling in completely between star systems.”

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Hivemind with zero trade value announces ambitious plans to host Galactic Market

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The Saiiban Hivemind has launched a nomination bid to host the Galactic Market in its home system of Nos Bana.

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If approved by the Galactic UN, the pathetic-rated space nation will have significant influence over the galaxy’s most important financial institution, and reap the benefits of being at the center of interstellar trade.

Following its nomination submission, the Saiiban Hivemind issued a psionic press release via intrusive auditory hallucinations to reporters across major news outlets, in which it stated:

“We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one.”

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The Saiiban Hivemind is one of the galaxy’s smallest economies, relying solely on space tourism for income. Its geographic isolation on a remote spiral arm in the outer rim means it is also ranked as one of the worst economies by market capitalization, with a total trade value of zero.

Despite this, economists are optimistic about the Hivemind’s bid, as Space Exchange Index (SExI) trader Vahl Ztreet told Xenonion News:

“I think they have a pretty high chance of securing the Galactic Market. The Galactic UN’s decision making process is held behind closed doors, but they consistently rank economic backwaters with trade values bordering on negative numbers as the most attractive place to host such critical institutions.”

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Leaders of other space nations have complained about the process, which has taken many by surprise. Tik’Tok, leader of the Ubaric TechnoUnion, one of the galaxy’s largest economies told Xenonion News:

“This is outrageous. Our homeworld of Hyperion Prime is an ecumenopolis with a trade value of over 9000! We’re already the de-facto trading hub of the galaxy. Why haven’t we been informed that the Galactic UN was accepting applications for a Galactic Market? Can someone check our notifications again, I swear we didn’t get anything! Oh well. At least once the market is established we can request it rotates to us - there’s no way such a thing could be permanent.”

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The Galactic UN stated it will announce the location of the Galactic Market in Q2 of 2253.

The Hivemind is widely tipped to win the nomination, ahead of only two other spacenations which have applied for the institute; the TX-489 machine assimilators, and the socialist Snalien Räterepublik.

Composite shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) have rallied on the news.

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Galactic time slowing down, may freeze completely

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Thousands of space-nations across the galaxy have reported that their universal clocks appear to be losing significant amounts of time.

At present one day in Galactic Standard Time (GST) is now on average five times as long as it was one (five) months ago.

Problems were first detected in December 2252 when localized pockets of ‘time stuttering’ emerged in the galactic core. These events were initially first thought to be isolated, but have since increased in frequency and generalized to all galactic regions.

Tik’Tok, leader of the Ubaric TechnoUnion, spoke to Xenonion News earlier today regarding his concerns:

“Previously our clocks ran just fine. 1 second per day as usual. But a couple of weeks ago we started getting these stutters at the start of every day. It was pretty terrifying. Everything would judder, like a giant earthquake, and things seemed to freeze momentarily. Then it would go back to normal…. expect now it’s taking 5 seconds for every day to pass. Something is deeply, deeply wrong here. The only benefit I can see is that I have more time to spend perfecting my facial tendrils, which now at least look particularly taut.”

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Scientists have confirmed the time delay exists but are struggling to explain it.

Karl Karling XI, a physicist from Earth’s prestigious University of Ulm told us;

“Honestly, I have no idea. Perhaps we’ve all existed in some sort of time bubble and now there’s a leak? Anyway, it’s probably for the best if things are slowing down. It takes me quite a while to maintain my facial hair. I just wish I could somehow merge my mustache into my beard.”

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Other theories have postulated that the alterations in time may be linked to space-nations using unorthodox means of travel like wormholes, gateways or jump drives.

Konn Spiricy of the Galactic UN’s Department of Culture told us;

“Are you familiar with the Vultaum? The precursor race that committed mass suicide because they thought they existed in a computer simulation? Well…. what if they were right? What if we are in some sort of ‘mainframe’ that’s struggling to cope with an increasing amount of data as our galaxy gets larger and busier? What if this was the reason Fallen Empires stagnated at the end of the last galactic cycle? It’s something to think about. Like my hair.”

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Current projections estimate that if the current time delays continue, by the year 2400 time may stop completely.

Several space nations have called for an emergency session of the Galactic Security Council to be held in the next 1-5 weeks, if current time delays remain stable.

Shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) have dropped, slowly, on the news.

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Economists unsure what that little resource icon that looks like a bar of soap is

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The Galactic UN has confirmed that its flagship pan-galactic economic overhaul legislation, the ‘Le Guin Act’, will come into effect early next month.

Primarily focusing on trade and corporate operations, the Act will also formalize the implementation of a new Planetary Management System (PMS 2.0) in lieu of planetary tiles.

While the proposal has been met with a mostly positive reaction by the galactic community, economists have warned that they need more time to prepare.

Aden Smyth, a leading economist from the United Nations of Earth’s prestigious University of Ulm told Xenonion News;

“I don’t think people realize how big a change this will be. For eons we have had three main resources - energy, minerals, and food. Now we’re going to have additional resources like volatile gases, motes and that one icon that looks like a bar of soap that I just can’t place. What does that soap thing do? How much will it cost? Will it become a new currency? See - if we can’t even work out the basics, this is likely to have serious repercussions for trade across the galaxy.”

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A subsection of the Le Guin Act, known as the ‘MegaCorp’ clause, it set to offer private corporations vast freedoms, including the rights to operate in essence as space nations.

Anti-corporate campaigners have strongly criticized this move. Curl Murks, a rather lubricated molluscoid, told our news team;

“It is madness to think the Galactic UN are actually condoning this thievery of the private sector! The addition of these new resources will only rob workers of their living wages and create friction between the classes. As a collective, we must ensure the invisible (non-corporate) hand guides empires away from this new system.”

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Other economists have not yet offered opinions on the situation as most have returned to educational institutions to update their economic qualifications, and these are not expected to be completed for another 5 years.

Aden Smyth concluded;

“The irony is by the time we finish fully studying all these new resources and principles, the entire economic system will have probably been overhauled several times so it will all be really out of date. There probably is some merit in just having unqualified economists who offer intermittent speculation. They’ll be in a much better place to advise us as to whether we should buy up shares in that soap thing.”

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Yet another species of adorable fanatic purifiers discovered

Image: A member of the newly discovered Rattling species adorably guards its nest of xeno skulls.

Image: A member of the newly discovered Rattling species adorably guards its nest of xeno skulls.

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

The Galactic UN has confirmed a new species has been discovered in the previously unexplored Niven cluster.

The mammalian Rattlings made first contact with a Scyldari Confederacy science ship yesterday, before they promptly destroyed it.

The Rattlings have since confirmed they identify as fanatic purifiers and have rejected formal diplomatic relations with existing species.

In a brief pan-galactic address, Grand High Rattling Raticade stated:

"Face your annihilation."

Image: Grand High Rattling Raticade.

Image: Grand High Rattling Raticade.

Galactic response to the message has generally been positive. Kelly Jones, a Blorg from St. Knatchbull, told Xenonion News:

"HOW CUTE! They just look SO adorable. Can I boop its little snout?"

Image: Blorg Kelly Jones

Image: Blorg Kelly Jones

Scyldari president Dackam has adopted a more cautious approach.

"Have we learned nothing about trusting cute species? Did we not learn from the farming snails? The space geicos? The stellar starfish?! Take a closer look at that Rattling's snout... It's clearly optimised for sucking up liquidized remains of non-Rattlings. They're planning something. We must snuff them out, before their cute little noses snuff us out!"

Image: Scyldari president Dackam.

Image: Scyldari president Dackam.

The Rattling discovery brings the total number of known cutesey genocidal species in the galaxy to 2,546,019.

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Xenonion News granted Literary Award, reports Xenonion News

Image: The Xenonion News team are presented with the Literary Award at the annual interplanetary Galactic UN conference, held this year in Stockholm, Earth.

Image: The Xenonion News team are presented with the Literary Award at the annual interplanetary Galactic UN conference, held this year in Stockholm, Earth.

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In an exclusive interview with Xenonion News, Xenonion News has confirmed it was the recipient of the Galactic UN's prestigious Literary Award.

The award was presented at the recent interplanetary Galactic UN conference, held this year in Stockholm, a northern suburb of the UNE's capital of Ulm.

The Galactic UN's Meta Committee awarded the prize to Xenonion News for its contribution to space journalism, and in particular its role in countering 'fake news' through a hefty investment in orbital mind control lasers across the galaxy's most populated planets.

Image: One of Xenonion News' orbital mind control platforms in action.

Image: One of Xenonion News' orbital mind control platforms in action.

The committee also highlighted Xenonion News' extremely high reader satisfaction scores, based on multiple definitely independent surveys conducted by Xenonion's Psionic Data Analytics Department, in association with Frontier Health's Nerve Stapling Program.

Xenonion News, the galaxy's largest biweekly news provider, is the first news organisation to win the prize since Purging Today won the award in 2131.

Staff at Xenonion News are hopeful that in addition to receiving the honor of the Literary Award, they can also obtain the coveted Literacy Award - however critics point out this is unlikely to happen owing to long-running misuse of the term 'intergalactic' in several articles.

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On a serious note, all of us at the Xenonion News team would like to thank you the reader, the Stellaris community and the Paradox team for being so amazingly supportive of us over the last two years. It's been a huge honor to receive this award, let alone have anyone read or watch our ramblings. Here's to another great year of sharing weird and wonderful news from the Stellaris universe with you!

 

Galactic UN urges empires to purge neighbours considerately

Image: Angiofro plantoid populations have been in steady decline following the poorly planned purging of the Baapidae, their arthropoid synchronically evolved co-species.

Image: Angiofro plantoid populations have been in steady decline following the poorly planned purging of the Baapidae, their arthropoid synchronically evolved co-species.

Forever Spring, Snrub System, Bwauki Multisystem

The Galactic UN has called upon xenophobes to purge neighbouring species with more consideration for the natural environment.

The announcement follows the publication of a recent Galactic Fact Office (GtFO) census which has revealed the plantoid population of Forever Spring is steadily declining following the systematic purging of their synchronically evolved co-species by a neighbouring empire.

The Angiofro, the charismatic plantoid species in decline, evolved synchronically with the repugnant Baapidae arthropoids on their home world of Forever Spring.

Image: Angiofro Let'us probably would have something to say, if it wasn't a plant.

Image: Angiofro Let'us probably would have something to say, if it wasn't a plant.

During almost a millennia of co-existence they developed a symbiotic relationship, with the Angiofro requiring the Baapidae to rub against them to enhance pollination reproduction, and the Baapidae eating weaker Angiofro as a healthy alternative to TacoBell's XenoWraps.

This close knit relationship was not revealed to the Bwauk Multisystem, a neighbouring species of mildly xenophobic Avians who had recently assumed overlord status of Forever Spring. The Bwaukis worship beauty and symmetry, and dutifully continued their longstanding tradition of purging aesthetically unpleasing species.

Unfortunately the selective purging of the Baapidae has meant the Angiofro have lost reproductive functioning, and are being pushed towards extinction.

Bwauki spokesbird C'heep told Xenonion News:

"It's a shame really because the Angiofro are very symmetrical, although it would be better if they were shinier and we could construct our nests from them. But yes. Who would have thought the extinction of a species could have such a wide ranging effect on an ecosystem like this?"

Image: Bwauki spokesperson C'heep refused to don clothes for his interview with Xenonion News.

Image: Bwauki spokesperson C'heep refused to don clothes for his interview with Xenonion News.

Bwauki officials have strenuously denied claims they knew the impact the Baapidae purge would have on the Angiofro, but conceded not having plantoids taking up spots in leader pools would be "helpful."

The Galactic UN has recognised the legality of the Bwauki purge, but again urged empires to only purge with appropriate planning and foresight.

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Investigation as several Dyson Spheres found to produce exact same energy

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Image: A partially completed Deus Volt-sponsored Dyson Sphere.

Image: A partially completed Deus Volt-sponsored Dyson Sphere.

Energy provider Deus Volt has come under intense scrutiny from corporate regulators after it emerged their Dyson Sphere projects all produce the exact same amount of energy, regardless of star type.

Of the seven Deus Volt-sponsored Dyson Spheres in operation across the galaxy, each produce +1000 energy - significantly less than originally projected. Similarities between outputs had been largely unnoticed due to lack of communication between client empires.

Four of the space-nations affected have made an official complaint to the Galactic UN's Office of Trading Standards, which has launched a formal investigation.

ReguL8, a robotic spokesperson for the Galactic UN, told Xenonion News:

"I can confirm we are investigating Deus Volt regarding erroneous energy production from their Dyson Sphere sites. Each Dyson Sphere is built around stars of differing luminosity which should produce differing amounts of energy, and an infinite amount more than 1000 energy. Yet here we have examples of a Dyson Sphere built around a Red Dwarf producing the same energy as one built around a more powerful Blue Supergiant. Something doesn't add up - where is all this extra energy going? It's certainly not powering my batteries."

Image: ReguL8, Galactic UN spokesperson states the Office of Trading Standards is investigating Deus Volt, adding; "01110111110111100010101."

Image: ReguL8, Galactic UN spokesperson states the Office of Trading Standards is investigating Deus Volt, adding; "01110111110111100010101."

The general consensus among the engineering community is that Deus Volt's engineers are simply incompetent, but critics claim the extra energy is likely being siphoned off by the upper echelons of the company for their own use.

Deus Volt CEO Pilon was quick to respond, releasing a statement earlier this morning:

"I don't get all the fuss - we should be thinking of this as pure coincidence. For those that aren't buying that story, think of it as an engineering marvel - we're able to extract the energy of a Blue Supergiant for the cost of a Red Dwarf. Isn't that amazing?"

Image: Deus Volt CEO / full time model Pilon aboard the ISS Deus Volt in the Antioch System.

Image: Deus Volt CEO / full time model Pilon aboard the ISS Deus Volt in the Antioch System.

Megastructure investment shares have dropped sharply on the Space Exchange Index (SExI).

Consumer watchdogs are also warning energy prices may spike if Deus Volt undergoes regulatory action, as it remains the galaxy's sole energy provider following the collapse of its main rival, DySun, last year.

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Billions dead following mass de-orbiting of spaceports to make way for starbases

Hamal II, Hamal System, Hamal Unified Territories

A new study published by the University of Hamal School of Orbital Harm (UH-OH) has determined that nearly 30 billion xenos have perished due to the recent epidemic of careless spaceport de-orbiting.

In recent weeks, all interstellar empires in the galaxy have simultaneously destroyed active spaceports, frontier outposts and defence platforms to free up resources for the construction of starbases.

Starbases are interstellar structures that orbit stars, not planets or moons, and allow empires to settle a system, project military power, promote research, encourage artistic expression, conduct espionage, or any of several other imperial activities.

Their inception follows in the wake of the Galactic UN's Cherryh Act (also known as the 'Apocalypse Act') which overhauled regulation on space construction. In a press statement several weeks ago the Galactic UN stated it had decided to merge spaceports, frontier outposts and defence platforms into starbases for "reasons."

The UH-OH study was prompted by the de-orbiting and destruction of the spaceport orbiting Hamal University's planet, Hamal II. Due to a miscalculation of aerodynamics, the 5000-ton structure impacted a local metropolis with over 2 billion residents. Nearly half were killed instantly, and the majority of xenos who remained were either crushed under fallen structures, burned alive, or trapped without sustenance.

Image: What goes up must come down. Chunks of falling space debris and decommissioned spaceports can cause catastrophic damage on impact.

Image: What goes up must come down. Chunks of falling space debris and decommissioned spaceports can cause catastrophic damage on impact.

Similarly tragic miscalculations and mistakes have claimed billions of other lives throughout the galaxy, yet practically no interstellar governments have made any statements on the matter. Some even deny that any disaster occurred at all, despite considerable evidence to the contrary.

The leader of the study, Dr. Natasha Volon, defended the study before a mixed audience of press and colleagues on Tuesday. In particular, she warned that “further inaction will necessarily result in further needless death.” She urged all assembled and watching elsewhere to “call upon your representatives and plead with your dictators to prevent any more blood- or spore-shed.”

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Daily hyperlane commutes extended by an average of 4 years, survey finds

Image: Commuting times via hyperlanes have increased significantly - it's now common to see heavy build-ups of space traffic around hyperlane entrances and exits.

Image: Commuting times via hyperlanes have increased significantly - it's now common to see heavy build-ups of space traffic around hyperlane entrances and exits.

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

New figures from the Galactic Fact Office (GtFO) show that almost 35.6 trillion galactic workers have had their daily commute extended by at least four years.

The survey of 1.8 million commuters was commissioned in the wake of the galaxy's universal switch to hyperlane transport last week.

It found that:

  • 98% of commuters are now using hyperlane transport, compared to 45% before, with the remainder using isolated forms of natural wormholes (1%), artificial gateways (0.7%) or jump drives (0.3%).
  • Of those using hyperlane transport, average commute time increased by 2916%
  • Those working in military, scientific or construction jobs were most likely to be affected
  • 94% of those surveyed stated they would not be keen to travel a distance of more than one system in one commute

Snur Nursnur, space transport minister for the Ubaric TechnoUnion, has called on the Galactic UN to do more to prevent "excessive" transit times, telling Xenonion:

"This has been a direct result of the galaxy switching to hyperlanes, although the problem does not lie with the hyperlanes themselves. This is actually caused by new traffic restrictions on ships traveling within systems at sub-light speeds. We can't ignore this - while four yearly commutes are perfectly feasible in the short term, over time it may start affecting commuters' well-being, and will probably even have an impact on work efficiency too."

Image: Snur Nursur wants the Galactic UN to ease sub-light speed restrictions.

Image: Snur Nursur wants the Galactic UN to ease sub-light speed restrictions.

Lengthier commutes are now becoming an accepted part of many xenos' routines.

Xirk Zenmar, a power plant worker from the Urseni Confederated Worlds, told Xenonion;

"I live on Urseni Prime, but I visit several power plants across our core worlds. Before I could commute with ease, but now I spend at least 3 years a day travelling by hyperlane. It's a mild inconvenience."

Image: Xirk Zenmar works at power plants or something. Presumably, however, he spends the majority of his time being really cute and adorable.

Image: Xirk Zenmar works at power plants or something. Presumably, however, he spends the majority of his time being really cute and adorable.

Other commuters are going to great lengths to avoid long journeys.

Jane Smith, a Blorg scientist, told us her trick:

"I'm often sent on far-flung projects to the outer reaches of the galaxy. My commute can take a whole lifetime, and sometimes before I even get to my destination I'll get called back to my homeworld to investigate something inane. I've found the easiest way to get round this is to simply dismantle my science ship, and somehow I auto-teleport back to Blorg Prime. I'm really not sure how this process works, but it's great and I can't fathom why it's not been introduced everywhere."

Image: Jane Smith, a gross fungoid, talks about some gross fungoid issue.

Image: Jane Smith, a gross fungoid, talks about some gross fungoid issue.

The Galactic UN has yet to comment on the survey from the GtFO.

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Xenonion Answers: Everything you need to know about Hyperlane Switch Day

You're on your morning commute to work. You're running a bit late. Traffic looks pretty heavy. You're grateful you own a top-of-the-range wormhole enabled corvette. You pull up to the wormhole station in Omicron Persei. But wait? Why is the station being dismantled? What did that billboard just say about wormhole FTL engines not being legal anymore?

It sounds like you might have forgotten about Hyperlane Switch Day. It's been an entire galactic cycle in development, cost 150 trillion energy credits to implement, is expected to cause interstellar travel chaos - and comes in to effect later today.

Feeling unprepared? Don't fret. Xenonion Answers: Everything you need to know about Hyperlane Switch Day.

1. Hyperlanes will be the standard mode of FTL travel

As per the Galactic UN's Apocalypse Act, hyperlanes will now be the universal type of FTL travel for the galaxy, with basic warp drive and artificial wormhole technologies being banned. The switch is seen as a more permanent solution to the galaxy's transport woes of clogged hyperlanes, overused wormhole stations and warp-drive induced galactic warming. It is hoped that by redirecting existing infrastructure funds exclusively to hyperlanes, the network can be expanded. Hyperlanes were selected as they offer speedy point-to-point access, energy-free maintenance and natural chokeholds - giving the perfect locations to build space-tolls. Psychic diplomats are currently trying to convey the new legislation to the Prethoryn Scourge to avoid accidental acts of criminal space travel.

Image: Communicating the GUN’s demands is rarely easy.

Image: Communicating the GUN’s demands is rarely easy.

2. Expect more time traveling at sub-light speed

As part of the FTL rework, hyperlanes can now only be accessed at specific entry and exit points within systems. This means no more accessing hyperlanes from anywhere within a system when in transit - if your ship is not at a hyperlane gate, you'll need to travel at sub-light speed to get to it. This means a longer commute, but you're doing your bit for the galaxy as there's absolutely no way of getting around those space tolls.

3. Jump drives still exist - at a price

Mature space empires will still be able to fit ships with conventional or psionic jump drives, but will need to pay special taxes to the Galactic Department of Licensing for Conveyance (DLC). Otherwise they could just jump right over those space tolls. Newer jump drives also impact on the overall efficiency of a ship, requiring a longer recovery time after use - so try not to jump into unfriendly territory.

4. Ancient gateway structures are up and running

In a bid to encourage public transport use, the Galactic UN has repaired parts of the ancient Gateway Network for empires to use at a discounted rate. These mammoth relay nodes, believed to have been constructed by an ancient precusor race, effectively allow for hyperlane transport but over huge distances. All outlying relays converge directly on the Galactic UN Citadel-space station, and definitely weren't built to facilitate the end of the cycle. We have dismissed these claims.

Image: Promotional poster persuading empires to utilize the gateway network

Image: Promotional poster persuading empires to utilize the gateway network

5. Keep an eye on SpaceWeather alerts

With more traffic using the hyperlane network, it's likely more ships will be affected by environmental factors. Expect gridlock around black hole systems as gravity wells will slow down sub-light travel, and watch for hull scratches near neutron stars as they're known to interfere with shields. You can keep up to date with this through Xenonion SpaceWeather.

6. Update your map

As all space-nations shift to hyperlane use, the galactic map will be redrawn. The Schedi Nebula will stay where it is, but just be aware it may now be controlled by some ravenous Hive Mind rather than those cute xenophilic felines.

Instead of border pressure via colonisation or random frontier outpost construction, each individual system that a space-nation wishes to hold will now have to build a starbase directly in it. These new generation of frontier outposts can be upgraded to military or economic starholds, which inevitably means while you're queuing to use that new space toll you can get a drive-thru TacoBell.

Your map UI is also in for an update - the Galactic UN hired the Artisan Troupe Liberal Arts Space Station to develop a more aesthetic representation of empire borders, and the results look pretty pleasing to the eye. It's now much easier to get to a destination, being able to distinguish one amorphous blue blob empire from another.

Image: The Artisan Troupe have developed a more aesthetic representation of empire borders.

Image: The Artisan Troupe have developed a more aesthetic representation of empire borders.

7. Doomstacks no more

For the novice admirals among us, don't forget part of the Apocalypse Act includes banning the practice of space-nations merging all their fleets into so-called 'doomstacks'. Inspired by the Prosperous Independent Leader's Ensemble Faction (PILES) movement, the Galactic UN has recognised that an admiral's ability to efficiently command a fleet may perhaps be in direct proportion to the size of said fleet. Empires are advised to split their fleets into several smaller fleets under the command of multiple admirals. Don't worry, two-corvette households won't be affected.

8. No more corvette scouting

Henceforth only qualified personnel will be allowed to venture into unexplored space. Scientists have long since complained about so called “corvette scouting”, wherein military vessels probe unexplored systems to reveal any potential threats before manned science ships are sent there. Top scientists have long argued that corvette scouting takes away much of the excitement from their jobs, as they rarely are faced with any lethal hazards.

9. Watch for crime

Security analysts warn that the imposition of hyperlanes may cause a spike in crime. Traditional warp drive and wormhole technologies are expected to flood underground black markets like the notorious Steam Workshop. With border changes coming into effect, it is expected many more systems will be left unclaimed, creating ideal breeding grounds for space pirates.

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Galactic UN to change warscore system following legal challenge

Image: Chief Supreme Justice Di'anaross delivered the Galactic Supreme Court's verdict   on  Cevanti v. Bureaucracy.

Image: Chief Supreme Justice Di'anaross delivered the Galactic Supreme Court's verdict on Cevanti v. Bureaucracy.

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

The Galactic UN has confirmed a major overhaul to war resolution will come into effect later this week, following a ruling by the Galactic Supreme Court.

The Court's verdict concluded the highly publicized case of Cevanti v. Bureaucracy, wherein the Cevanti Empire (a space-nation of fanatic purifiers) pursued legal action against the Galactic UN, arguing the current warscore system had violated their basic xeno rights.

358 Supreme Justices unanimously ruled in favour of the Cevanti, highlighting the Galactic UN had indeed breached its own charter on Xeno Rights, referring to clause WF 234,127,790-B which states:

”All space faring space-nations have equal rights to purge and commit genocide, and should in their pursuit of doing so only be limited by their own morals and military success.”

The Court is still to deliberate as to whether the Galactic UN's actions are criminal. If this is found to be so, it would allow the Cevanti and other empires to fine the body billions of energy credits in compensation for years of lost purging.

The current warscore system (the ‘Universal Warscore System’ or UWS) was created in 2100 by the Galactic UN as a way of arbitrating over regional conflicts. It sets out a series of binding rules that all species must follow, regardless of ethos. These include publicly declaring predefined war goals before conflict, disallowing large empires to be completely annexed even with 100% warscore, and the enforcement of unbreakable peace treaties.

The Cevanti Empire infamously declared a protest white-peace in November 2250 against the Yndari Foundation in a war it was winning, but unable to decisively end after the Galactic UN ruled its warscore wasn’t high enough.

The UWS has long faced heavy criticism from militaristic and xenophobic empires who brand it as "unfair" and "inflexible" towards warmongering. However, this case marks the first time the legality of the UWS has been challenged.

The Galactic UN is now in the process of revising the UWS to ensure future wars are a more "reflective and user-friendly experience." This is expected to include an updated UI, more accurately scaled warscoring, and incorporation of the use of new Titan and Colossi ships.

Image: It is hoped the new warscore interface will make war "fairer, and more fun."

Image: It is hoped the new warscore interface will make war "fairer, and more fun."

The Stellar Starfish Empire, the only empire ever to have used a Colossus, welcomed the move, reporting its destruction of the United Nations of Earth (UNE) planet of Centaurus Prime had proven futile as the current UWS did not incorporate warscore for planetary destruction.

However, not all xenos approve of the UWS being updated. Kkom Pees of the Soovi Harmonious Collective told Xenonion News;

“On behalf of the Soovi and all other civilized space nations I must object to any changes that could be considered 'improvements' to the UWS. The last thing we want is to make it easier for warmongers to go on their killing sprees. Yet here the Galactic UN are changing it in favour of a more intuitive UI that actually allows empires to select systems of strategic interest directly from map view, rather than picking them one by one from an impractical list.”

The changes to warscore are expected to come into effect on Thursday February 22nd.

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Upheaval as galaxy prepares to universally adopt hyperlane transport

Image: The Galactic UN has begun distributing leaflets in preparation for the universal switch to hyperlanes.

Image: The Galactic UN has begun distributing leaflets in preparation for the universal switch to hyperlanes.

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

The Galactic UN has issued a bulletin reminding the stellar expanse that 'Hyperlane Switch Day' on February 22nd is approaching.

The date is when the galaxy is set to formally adopt hyperlanes as the primary mode of interstellar transport, and is expected to trigger major upheaval as empires reconsider how they view transit, political influence and warfare.

The switch has been in development for a number of months and is hoped to be a definitive solution to the galaxy's crumbling transport infrastructure, as Galactic UN spokesperson Mn'O'Rel told our newsteam;

"We are no longer the transit envy of the multiverse. Over time, the number of empires, ships and fleets in our galaxy has expanded exponentially, but transport options have not. Hyperlane routes are clogged. Wormhole stations are in disrepair. Warp drives are contributing to galactic warming. And we couldn't invest in any of them properly as our resources were being split among all of them. We needed to do something radical to solve our transport woes. Our first idea - planet destroying superweapons - was stolen by the Galactic Security Council, so our next plan was to pick one form of transport and just dump all of our resources into it."

As per the Galactic UN's 3,477-page report on interstellar transport, 'So You've Got Nothing Else to Read', hyperlanes were chosen as they offered speedy point-to-point access, energy-free maintenance and natural chokeholds giving perfect locations to build space-tolls.

Warp drives were also seriously considered for universal adoption, but discounted after the Public Institute for Space Health (PISH) discovered compelling evidence that prolonged use can lead to long term health problems, including Genital Warps in organic species, and data corruption in synthetics.

Image: The view most galactic transport users will likely experience when they engage their FTL

Image: The view most galactic transport users will likely experience when they engage their FTL

Artificial wormhole stations will be dismantled, although pre-existing natural wormhole routes will remain operational.

Other more advanced forms of transport, including Jump Drives and Psi-Drives, will remain available to technologically advanced nations, but use will now be taxed directly to the Galactic UN's Department of Licensing for Conveyance (DLC).

The Council of Overseers, a loose association of militarist empires, have long called for the abolition of non-hyperlane transit. Avian spokesperson C’luck told our newsdesk:

“We have been pushing for this since the collapse of the previous Galactic UN. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have a near-invulnerable hyperlane fleet but not actually get to use it on invading a smaller neighbour because you have to spend your whole time chasing their six wormhole-enabled corvettes around the local cluster? Or when you perfectly position a defensive platform in what's clearly the only hyperlane entrance to your empire, just for some warp-drive whippersnapper to whizz around it?”

Critics have argued militarist empires have pushed for hyperlane-only transit to provide a more suitable galactic terrain for warfare. Guff, leader of a one-planet spacenation with six wormhole enabled corvettes told us:

“Lols the Overseers are just rage quitting because we wormhole jumped one system over their fleet and destroyed a colony ship.”

The Galactic UN were unable to be reached to give a comment on the situation. We think. We didn’t try.

> More accurate reporting from Siitharian Collective Drone 96 could not be possible.
> More accurate editing from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.  

Empire ‘overwhelmed’ by trade requests for strategic resource

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Diplomats from the Lorax League have issued a cease-and-desist orders to 18 neighbouring space-nations in a bid to quell what they describe as a “tidal wave” of trade requests for Terraforming Liquids.

Following a chance discovery of resource-rich frozen planets last month, the Lorax have become the galaxy’s largest producer of the rare resource, which is highly valued for its eponymous role in terraforming.

Image: The Lorax League recently discovered what it called "ridiculously huge" amounts of Terraforming Liquids on the frozen planet of Gianfor X and its large moon Gianfor XI.

Image: The Lorax League recently discovered what it called "ridiculously huge" amounts of Terraforming Liquids on the frozen planet of Gianfor X and its large moon Gianfor XI.

As the Lorax mines are publicly owned, the government retains all access right to the massive stockpile of three Terraforming Liquids. Due to this, the League’s Department of Intergalactic Trade (DIT) has been fielding an increasing number of trade enquiries. Zorgen Florgen, deputy trade minister, told our newsteam;

“Honestly gaining this strategic resource has been an absolute curse. We don't have the energy credits yet to start terraforming so we have to just sit on it - which means everyone else thinks we're not using it. I mean come on, we picked World Shapers as an ascendancy perk for Worm's sake!

Not only that but the trade deals offered are downright offensive. The other day I got a request for a 10 year lease on our Terraforming Liquids in exchange for 200 minerals and star charts. STAR CHARTS. Seriously. Does anyone even know how much 10-year access to Terraforming liquids is worth? Why is someone offering us minerals we can mine in a day?"

Image: A typical example of a trade deal the Lorax League receives on a daily basis, with a typical example of an unimpressed Lorax diplomat.

Image: A typical example of a trade deal the Lorax League receives on a daily basis, with a typical example of an unimpressed Lorax diplomat.

Interns at the DIT are reportedly spending up to 17 hours a day declining trade deals. One insider, who wished to remain anonymous, told us:

“I don’t even read incoming trade proposals anymore. I’ve just set all new requests to auto-decline after a few weeks of sitting on my desk."

Trade is a particularly sensitive issue for the Lorax government, following the leak of a recent internal report which confirmed the DIT had issued a number of trade deals to the same empire which cancelled each other out. Florgen refused to comment on this, but our anonymous source continued:

“Oh, yeah we were idiots on this one. So basically we were trading 10 minerals per month to Sentinel Systems, our neighbours, for 10 energy credits per month. Standard 10 year deal. But somewhere along the line we accidentally made another deal and traded 10 energy credits per month for 10 minerals per month, for 10 years. So… we’re effectively not trading at all.”

Materialists from across the galaxy have been calling on the Galactic UN to overhaul trade laws, to include more flexible trade agreements, an index of all available resources, and minimum pricing tariffs for strategic resources.

The Galactic UN responded, stating it was aware of the issue but its priority at present remains on legalizing the construction of planet-destroying superweapons.

Florgen, on hearing this news, told us:

“I now finally understand how fanatical purifiers come about…”

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Galactic Security Council votes to approve planet-destroying superweapons

Image: The Galactic Security Council have approved construction of planet-destroying Colossus-class ships. Pictured during a test-fire last month, CNS Behemoth fires upon the planet of Izir, which was selected for the honor via a galactic televote. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Image: The Galactic Security Council have approved construction of planet-destroying Colossus-class ships. Pictured during a test-fire last month, CNS Behemoth fires upon the planet of Izir, which was selected for the honor via a galactic televote. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

The Galactic UN Security Council on Thursday voted unanimously 13-0 in favour of passing the 'Apocalypse Act', a decision which is expected to have widespread ramifications across the stellar expanse.

The emergency motion paves the way for space nations to legally construct previously banned weapons, including orbital defence ion cannons, Titan-class battleships and Colossus-class planet destroyers.

Galactic UN Director Anward held a press briefing earlier today in which he stated:

"Today marks a new beginning for galactic security, peace and prosperity. Yes, this is an exceptional measure, but we live in an exceptional time. For too long rogue space amoebas, pirates and cultists have terrorized young space nations. For too long the empires of the Outer Rim have warred amongst themselves as the Unbidden have proliferated. The Apocalypse Act will restore order and stability to the galaxy."

While individual empires are free to build defence systems and Titan-class ships of their own volition, Colossus-class ships are expected to be heavily regulated, with weapons systems being limited to five that have been pre-approved by the Security Council.

These include:

  • World Cracker: Fires a prolonged pulse of energy, shattering a planet.
  • Neutron Sweep: Destroys higher forms of life, leaving infrastructure intact.
  • Global Pacifier: Encases the planet in an impenetrable shield.
  • God Ray: Converts all organic pops to spiritualist and destroys all non-organic pops.
  • Nanobot Dispersal: Cyborgizes and assimilates all organic pops.

Militarist and authoritarian empires have applauded the Security Council's actions, as have mining corporations which are expected to benefit immensely from a boon in minerals with World Cracking.

Image: The Galactic UN press conference offered a demo video on how 'Global Pacification' would work. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Image: The Galactic UN press conference offered a demo video on how 'Global Pacification' would work. [Image from @StellarisGame]

Pacifist and egalitarian empires have strongly opposed the move. One of the most vocal critics, Senator Bale Orgasna, from the one-planet minor of New Alderaan, told our newsdesk:

"... CHRIST NO NOT AGAIN! [aside] EVACUATE THE PLANET. EVACUATE IT NOW!"

Prominent rent-a-pacifist, Gaandee, continued:

"In a galaxy that is dark and full of weaponised terrors, and I cannot fathom how allowing even more destructive weapons will keep us safe. It also strikes me as convenient that the Security Council will get a cut from the profits of these weapons sold. Self serving much? I mean -- wait. Did someone say there was a ray that converts everyone to peace-loving spiritualists? Uh. Right. Excuse me - I need to, uh, make an appointment with uh [frowning at Shroud-enabled fax], the nearest shipyard." 

Public opinion on the news has been largely positive. Humanoid Ozy from The Forge told our Roving News Corvette:

"If everyone has big guns, then there's peace."

Seeking to reassure smaller empires who raised concerns about fleet power being concentrated in those with already advanced AI, Director Anward went on to state:

"I'd like to reassure those concerned not worry, we've thought long and hard about balance. Though nominally a military ship, Colossi have no actual fleet combat capability, so your grand navy of six naked corvettes will survive any planetary attack."

The Galactic UN did not respond to questions from reporters about how it plans to police underground black markets like the notorious 'Steam Workshop', where it is expected highly modified superweapons will be crafted and distributed.

Image: Commercials have already begun circulating on the Steam Workshop blackmarket advertising 'modified' versions of the UN-approved superweapons.

Image: Commercials have already begun circulating on the Steam Workshop blackmarket advertising 'modified' versions of the UN-approved superweapons.

Shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) rallied on the news.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

Pacifist factions push for re-establishment of embassies

Image: Prior to the Asimov Act empires were able to spend a significant proportion of their GDP on hosting diplomats and biweekly cocktail parties in embassies.

Image: Prior to the Asimov Act empires were able to spend a significant proportion of their GDP on hosting diplomats and biweekly cocktail parties in embassies.

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

Pacifist factions from a broad range of empires have called upon the Galactic UN's to allow for the re-establishment of embassies and diplomatic attachés.

The use of embassies as a method of improving relations between spacenations was outlawed in August 2249 by the Galactic UN's controversial Asimov Act.

Officially the Asimov Act was passed with the intent of streamlining diplomacy and fostering deeper galactic cooperation. It proposed a novel system of 'trust' between empires, with one unit of trust equating to a greater degree of friendliness. Trust could be earned through various mechanisms, such as trade agreements or military alliances. Embassies were believed to promote 'superficial' diplomacy and detracted from these more meaningful opportunities.

Critics of the Act argued it was aggressively pushed by the militaristic lobby as a means to boost their own corporate interests. Others felt it was simply reactionary, spurned on in the wake of the chaos left by the Unbidden invasion of the Outer Rim, where dozens of space empires passively watched as billions of organic lifeforms were purged.

Pacifist factions now argue a "diplomatic void" has been left. Prominent pacifist, Gaandee, told the newsdesk:

"We must fight, peacefully of course, anything that limits our options for peace. I wasn't familiar with this 'trust' concept before, but it works quite well. But we could bring back embassies too. Before it was so much easier to make your intentions clear to another empire through embassy establishment. It's how the Blorg operated for millennia, and look how many friends they have now? Almost three."

The closure of embassies had a profound effect on embassy staff, many of whom who found themselves abruptly unemployed. While this served as the comedic basis for the hugely popular sitcom, 01_Embassy_Propose, recent long term data from the Public Institute of Space Health (PISH) implies the closure has had a significant impact on former staff, who are 50-times more likely to have substance misusing or arrested development traits than the general population.

A representative for the Galactic UN, Gre'Kulf, responded:

"There are many ways to interpret the data from PISH. You could also say the former embassy staff now just have a lot more free time, and heck, who doesn't like a drink in their free time? Embassies represent an older style of diplomacy that is more suited to pre-FTL governments and Parabox games. As an aside, have you played Crusading Dukes IV?"

The Galactic UN has yet to comment on whether it will review the Asimov Act. Pacifist factions state if it does not, they will take their case to the Galactic Supreme Court, if it is re-established by the Galactic UN also.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

 

Survey reveals significant numbers of fleet admirals overworked, substance misusing

Image: The CRASH survey highlights significant concerns raised by fleet admirals.

Image: The CRASH survey highlights significant concerns raised by fleet admirals.

Lyria, Argea System, Lyrian Polity

Admirals across the galaxy feel that their concerns are not being taken seriously by their respective governments, a new survey has revealed.

The Critical Review of Admiral Satisfaction & Happiness (CRASH) survey is an annual poll undertaken by members of the Guild Academy for Generals & Admirals (GAGA), a pan-galactic representative body for military command personnel.

The 14,000 respondents to CRASH represented almost all fleet admirals working in the known regions of space, across nearly 6,000 empires.

Worryingly, only 11% indicated they were happy in their current job, and 93% had 'extreme concerns' about remaining employed as a fleet admiral.

The most commonly cited concerns included being dangerously fatigued through managing extremely large fleets, feeling overwhelmed by complex operations micromanagement, safety concerns over ineffective emergency warp protocols and personal health concerns over high rates of substance misuse traits in older admirals.

On average, over 70% of admirals aged over 120 had some form of acquired negative trait, with substance misusing being the most common. Admirals commanding fleets of over 400 ships were also more likely to be substance misusing, and rated their happiness lowest.

Interestingly, those working on 'atypical' contracts, such as pirate outfits, rated their happiness highest.

The results also highlight a mistrust of governing bodies. Only 41% of admirals polled felt their governments took safety protocols seriously.

Earlier this year, United Nations of Earth (UNE) retired admiral A.K. Barr warned that some of his former colleagues were being forced to work for up to 17 years without an adequate break. He subsequently resigned amid failures of the UNE government to address lengthy emergency warp times and the longstanding issue of transport fleets perpetually renaming themselves.

These sentiments were echoed by Lyrian Polity admiral Belessaria P'Sayle, who told our newsteam:

"For too long our warnings have gone unheeded. Admirals have a huge responsibility and play a vital role in keeping the galaxy's military-industrial complexes profitable. Yet we have no quality of life. Have you ever tried to command anything beyond your own body? Can you imagine commanding several thousand other bodies aboard several hundred ships? This is what we're expected to do, for our entire lifespan. We're tired. It's not safe, and it's not fair."

Admirals such as Barr and P'Sayle have welcomed the introduction of so-called 'doomstack regulations' by the Galactic UN, but feel this doesn't go far enough to address the above problems. P'Sayle continued:

"I'm glad they're introducing fleet caps. That at least means we'll be commanding smaller fleets, meaning we're less stressed. It should also mean that more admirals are hired. But why is no-one talking about improved pay, or retiring before we die from old age on our flagship? These are the core issues we need addressed."

Some admirals have called for pan-galactic unionization through the Guild Academy for Generals and Admirals, however this would need to be formalized through a ballot.

Individual governments have already warned against such a move, stating that could potentially amount to individual admirals committing high treason.

The Galactic UN has reported it is working "diligently" to address "issues adversely affecting admirals and fleets", with 'doomstack regulation' being the first legislative step towards this.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible

Voor Technocracy replaces all organic pops with synthetics

Image: No organic pops remain on Hiverion - all have been replaced by synthetic units.

Image: No organic pops remain on Hiverion - all have been replaced by synthetic units.

Hiverion, Exedor System, Voor Technocracy

The population of the humanoid Voor Technocracy, one of the ten young space nations that joined the Galactic UN last week, has been entirely replaced by synthetics.

In an unexpected turn of events the Voor, who only recently discovered FTL travel, appear to have developed not only advanced artificial intelligence, but also the technology required to merge their minds into machines as part of a so-called gestalt consciousness.

While some empires have been known to produce functional robots pre-FTL discovery, this is a unique instance where an organic species has integrated into a machine body so soon after starting to explore space.

According to recent anomaly research undertaken by the Galactic UN, there are no longer any organic sapients left on the planet, as all members of the Voor have either willingly merged into the machine intelligence or been terminated by other means.

News of this has prompted mild hysteria across the galaxy as machine intelligences not created and regulated by approved manufacturers such as CybrexCorp are not legally bound to follow commonly accepted rules of robotics.

In addition, the development has sparked an outcry from empires that were attempting to turn their own populations into synthetic bodies as part of their vision of ascension.

The Visari Technocracy, one such empire, released a strongly worded statement at these developments:

“This is unfair! We have spent the last 50 years trying to make our pops ascend into machine bodies, and these newcomers just get to start with that? This can’t be allowed to stand! They should not be able to get machines before making it to space. The technology is far too superior for a pre-space species to create. This wizardry will be reported to the Space Pope for condemnation!”

The Vatican Space Station (ISS Deus Vult) has yet to respond to the statement at this time.

CybrexCorp released a press-statement as well in response to the arrival of these new “intelligent life forms.”

“Whoever created these hack robots sure has some explaining to do. They are inferior to our designs which have been able to overthrow empires and achieve many great things, like efficiently farm, or kill as synthetic armies. These robots only seem to care about a so called ‘Ghost Signal’ which has done nothing but disrupt communications since its finding. We re-iterate this message to consumers - you can only guarantee quality by purchasing robotic products direct from us.”

The Galactic UN has yet to comment on the above developments.

> More accurate reporting from Xan’dolf Leexidanaca could not be possible