Luuhma Combine

Fanatic xenophobes have a soft spot for charismatic species

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Scythaa, Klandethu, Scythaan Systems

A recent survey of the highly xenophobic Scythaan arthropods found that despite their universal hatred of other species, they are remarkably tolerant towards an unassuming race of Avians, known as the Ciran, because of their natural charisma. 

Since the Scythaans typically purge or enslave outsiders on sight, an undercover Xenonion News interview team cunningly disguised themselves as Scythaans to conduct the study safely.

In one notable encounter, the following was able to be translated from Scythaan clicking noises:

“On a scale of 0 to -1000, I’d put the Ciran around a -975. Like, I still hate them, obviously. But something about them is just... less despicable, you know what I mean? Whoa, are you ok? Your antenna looks a little... droopy.”

Image: The recorded Scythaan, who our investigative team named Sir Clicks-A-Lot, had interesting opinions about the Ciran.

Image: The recorded Scythaan, who our investigative team named Sir Clicks-A-Lot, had interesting opinions about the Ciran.

When asked to choose among several species to enslave, all Scythaan pops interviewed responded that owning a Ciran slave would make them up to 5% happier. In addition, most respondents ranked the Ciran as last for the question, 'What order would you purge these species in?'

Most Ciran individuals live in the eponymous Ciran Kingdom, a small vassal of the neighboring Luuhma Combine on the other side of the galaxy. While the kingdom has generally positive relationships with its neighbors, it has virtually zero contact with the Scythaans, so the results of the survey came as a surprise to many Ciran pops.

Tyudelek, a citizen of the Ciran Kingdom, told Xenonion News:

“Who are these creeps and how do they know about us? We don’t even know them, they’re one of our contacts’ contacts... I knew I shouldn't have left my FaceBlorg profile on public."

Image: Tyudelek is 'strongly considering' deleting his FaceBlorg page for up to one week, possibly even two.

Image: Tyudelek is 'strongly considering' deleting his FaceBlorg page for up to one week, possibly even two.

In unrelated news, a Xenonion News investigative team was found dead in the Scythaan Systems after masquerading as Scythaan pops. A Xenonion News internal investigation has concluded that "such tragedy could never have been predicted."

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Area empire develops Xenomorph armies despite safety concerns

LSS Nostromos Science Ship, Zunar J-5 System, Luuhma Combine

The Luuhma Combine, an empire of militarist-materialist humanoids, today confirmed it has successfully completed development of a controversial new biological weapons program.

The weapons, called 'Xenomorphs' are in essence a novel species of arthropods that have been genetically engineered as ferocious warriors.

While not yet fully battle-tested, it is hoped Xenomorphs can be utilised in both offensive and defensive Luuhma armies by 2252.

Dr. Reedlay Scoot, chief military researcher on the project told our newsteam:

"For decades we've been looking for a way to enhance our army's capabilities. We've tried adding attachments to armies, but that was too time consuming. We tried cybernetically enhancing or cloning our soldiers, but public opinion turned against that. So effectively all we were left with was bioweapons - and that's how we came up with this project."

Xenomorphs are based on DNA Luuhma scientists harvested surreptitiously from Scythaans, a neighbouring species of hyper-aggressive, fanatic purifier arthropods. Desirable traits that the Scythaans lack, such as intelligence and obedience, were added later in the Xenomorph's development. Dr. Scoot explained:

"Obviously I can't tell you too much, but basically we designed the Xenomorph to undergo several metamorphoses during its life-cycle that would provide opportune moments to refine its development. Xenomorph eggs are developed in a lab and implanted orally into volunteer Luuhmas from our criminal justice system. Don't worry, it's very safe and they're reimbursed with a voucher for a free meal at TacoBell. Anyway, once the Xenomorph develops into a larvae, its gains genetic traits by devouring the Luuhma from within. The clawed abomination then usually bursts through the hosts chest and begins its grotesque career as an adult. It's the adult form that's very, very dangerous and makes a perfect weapon!"

Image: A fully developed xenomorph displayed in a biocontainment tank.

Image: A fully developed xenomorph displayed in a biocontainment tank.

Developed on a secure research vessel in the Zunar J-5 System, Xenomorphs can grow to 3m tall and weigh up to 300kg. They are equipped with hundreds of teeth, several large claws, a long muscular tail and acidic blood.

While combat data has yet to be generated, Luuhma officials are confident the creatures will be efficient and obedient warriors. Several uninhabited planets in the region, such as LV-462, have been identified for battle trials.

However, multiple military personnel, and indeed the Galactic UN, have expressed concern regarding the Luuhma's bioweapon's project.

Kane Gutscäre, head of the Galactic UN's Department of Mild-To-Moderate Concern told us;

"To say we're mildly or moderately concerned would be accurate. While bioweapons aren't strictly prohibited by galactic law, and the Luuhma are doing their best to keep development on a secure lab aboard the LSS Nostromo, these Xenomorphs are still a complete unknown, and we really don't know what will happen when they're operational. You only have to look at the fatality rate of 100% for Xenomorph hosts, and the high rate of staff on the research vessel being mutilated to confirm that."

Dr. Scoot has dismissed these claims, stating:

"This is outrageous. If this new technology was dangerous it would have been clearly flagged as that when we began research. It's not like we're doing something wild like making jump drives here or anything. All our data suggests these Xenomorphs will be just as obedient as if we had cloned our soliders. The simulations suggest there would be minimal collateral damage if they were released into a civilian population. The staff that have been severely disfigured by Xenomorph bites were due to initial teething problems - no pun intended. And anyway - we included an ingenious fail-sail to prevent them from reproducing - all specimens are female!'

Luuhma's research partners have applauded the new technology for its originality as well as its potential in combat. They are expected to soon develop similar technologies pending the outcome of battle-testing.

> More accurate reporting from Heuknaize could not be possible

High Queen not informed about native rebellion on sector-governed world

Image: Two Linneaus natives and a squadron of drones conduct a raid on a Luuhma mining network.

Image: Two Linneaus natives and a squadron of drones conduct a raid on a Luuhma mining network.

Linneaus World, Olimar System, Luuhma Combine

After months of strikes and protests, the native plantoid population of Linneaus has taken up arms and besieged the planet’s administration facilities early Wednesday morning. The natives, which call themselves ‘Dussin’, have struggled with stellar culture shock since their integration into the Luuhma Combine began three years ago. Over the last six months there have been a total of five strikes and three demonstrations in the name of vegetable rights.

Unfortunately for the protesters, their planet is located in a sector and governed mostly through sector management. Thus, word of the rioting plantoids never reached the High Queen, Ehdr den Luuhma.

However, this may have changed since yesterday, when several Dussin rebels armed themselves with stolen Hunter-Killer Drones and marched on the planetary capital. The Queen has yet to make a statements regarding the rebellion, but the rebels are convinced that they will have soon gained enough notoriety to catch her attention.

The infamous Buttercup Huckleberry, esteemed leader of the rebels, explained the motivation of the rebels in an exclusive interview with our newsteam:

"We didn't want it to turn out this violent, we never did. But the government just wouldn't listen. We knew we had to do something drastic to get their attention.

For years we have demanded new legislation to put an end to the oppression of genetically-enhanced vegetables. Our peaceful protests proved to be insufficient, so now we have taken up arms against the oppressors! Personally, I consider it to be our duty to fight for all the plants who can not fight for themselves."

Huckleberry’s enthusiasm was repeatedly reaffirmed by her continuous shaking of her leaves, but she answered the questions calmly and with little hesitation.

"Our long term goal is to have vegetables accepted as leaders, but we understand that is a big change. For now, we will settle for full citizenship for all GMO-plants, just like they [the government] were considering for Artificial Intelligence."

When asked how the rebels plan to make this happen, Huckleberry sat silent for a moment before answering.

"I'm not very well-read in politics and stuff but I guess some government officials will take up this matter with the Queen. Or perhaps they can change that policy without asking the Queen… It doesn't really matter; all I know is that we’ll keep the capital under siege until new legislation has been passed. We will never give up on our cause!"

When contacted by our newsteam, representatives from the Luuhma Combine denied that a rebellion was occurring on Linneaus. No further response has been issued by the Luuhma Combine or Queen.

> More accurate reporting from Heuknaize could not be possible.