Saiiban Prime

Area Hivemind with zero trade value announces ambitious plans to host Galactic Market

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The Saiiban Hivemind has launched a nomination bid to host the Galactic Market in its home system of Nos Bana.

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If approved by the Galactic UN, the pathetic-rated space nation will have significant influence over the galaxy’s most important financial institution, and reap the benefits of being at the center of interstellar trade.

Following its nomination submission, the Saiiban Hivemind issued a psionic press release via intrusive auditory hallucinations to reporters across major news outlets, in which it stated:

“We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one.”

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The Saiiban Hivemind is one of the galaxy’s smallest economies, relying solely on space tourism for income. Its geographic isolation on a remote spiral arm in the outer rim means it is also ranked as one of the worst economies by market capitalization, with a total trade value of zero.

Despite this, economists are optimistic about the Hivemind’s bid, as Space Exchange Index (SExI) trader Vahl Ztreet told Xenonion News:

“I think they have a pretty high chance of securing the Galactic Market. The Galactic UN’s decision making process is held behind closed doors, but they consistently rank economic backwaters with trade values bordering on negative numbers as the most attractive place to host such critical institutions.”

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Leaders of other space nations have complained about the process, which has taken many by surprise. Tik’Tok, leader of the Ubaric TechnoUnion, one of the galaxy’s largest economies told Xenonion News:

“This is outrageous. Our homeworld of Hyperion Prime is an ecumenopolis with a trade value of over 9000! We’re already the de-facto trading hub of the galaxy. Why haven’t we been informed that the Galactic UN was accepting applications for a Galactic Market? Can someone check our notifications again, I swear we didn’t get anything! Oh well. At least once the market is established we can request it rotates to us - there’s no way such a thing could be permanent.”

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The Galactic UN stated it will announce the location of the Galactic Market in Q2 of 2253.

The Hivemind is widely tipped to win the nomination, ahead of only two other spacenations which have applied for the institute; the TX-489 machine assimilators, and the socialist Snalien Räterepublik.

Composite shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) have rallied on the news.

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Opinion: Top 5 tips for visiting the Saiiban Hive Mind

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Image: A recent promotional poster for the 'Visit Saiiban' tourism campaign. A Saiiban drone is pictured with Saiiban Prime in the background.

Image: A recent promotional poster for the 'Visit Saiiban' tourism campaign. A Saiiban drone is pictured with Saiiban Prime in the background.

Many xenos dream of visiting the Saiiban Hive Mind but are off-put when they hear about the reputation of 'rude' expressionless drones or huge crowds of organic pops being processed for assimilation.

While some of this may be based in truth, it shouldn't stop you from experiencing one of the most culturally unique locations in the galaxy!

Whether you prefer a short city-break to Urban Cluster A1 on Saiiban Prime, or a quiet nature retreat lounging by the irradiated shores of Nest 11, Saiiban has something for every xeno.

Here are our top five tips for getting the most out of your trip to the Saiiban Hive Mind:

1. Do your research in advance 

Make a list of all the places you want to visit, and prioritise accordingly as you'll probably not have time to see them all.

If you're heading to Saiiban Prime, the Visitor Center should definitely be your first destination. Info booths provide a great overview on what's happening in and around the Hive Mind, and staff drones will issue you travel permits to help you get around (more on that below). Beware though, it's famed for it's +5% migration attraction, so it's likely to be super busy. 

While we've tried to avoid simply listing places to visit, if you're going to see one thing and one thing only you have to visit the DNA Splicing Bio-Assimilation Centre, conveniently located right beside the Saiiban Prime Visitor Centre. This mammoth structure is so large it can be seen from space. What exactly happens here is a closely guarded secret, but it must be doing something right as it's the highest rated galactic tourist attraction on TripInformer since last year. Be sure to get your tickets in advance, as queues can stretch for several miles.

Image: A Xenonion U-Poll earlier this year asked xenos what they thought of Saiiban's DNA Splicing Bio-Assimilation Centre winning TripInformer's prestigious title.

Image: A Xenonion U-Poll earlier this year asked xenos what they thought of Saiiban's DNA Splicing Bio-Assimilation Centre winning TripInformer's prestigious title.

2. Hassle free transit

A travel pass is an absolute must if you want to get around easily. In fact, in some places you're restricted on where you can go without one.

Thankfully they're free and really easy to come by - just drop in at any Saiiban Visitor Centre.

They will hook you up to the Natural Neural Network where the travel pass will be delivered into your central nervous system through a penetrating tendril.

Don't worry - it's fast and pain free, and as an added bonus you get permanent access to the entire Hive Mind. It's like having an entire social network in your head, except everyone speaks in unison. Awesome!

Fun fact: The travel pass grants free admission to the DNA Splicing Bio-Assimilation Centre. Continuous and intrusive auditory hallucinations from the Natural Neural Network remind tourists of this on a regular basis - how neat is that?

3. Try an authentic ascetic experience

If you want to really see how the locals live, you need to try ascetism, the local custom by which Saiiban drones live by.

It's a lifestyle characterised by complete abstinence from sensual pleasure and common social interactions, with complete rejection of material possessions and an unquestioning embrace of the Hive.

You're probably thinking - why would I do that? Well, Saiiban research has shown that 100% of drones who adopt ascetism are "completely satisfied" with their lives. Maybe we should be having more of what they're having?!

4. Don't talk politics to the drones

This one is well known but worth re-iterating. Saiiban drones are not political, at all. They don't form factions, and most of the time they don't talk unless the Hive Mind wills it - and then they all talk. It's a whole Hive Mind thing, you'll get the hang of it.

Anyway - avoid any social awkwardness by simply not voicing your opinion on any topics at all. A number of topics are especially taboo, including democracy, individualism or the Galactic UN's 1st Amendment on Universal Free Speech.

5. Don't waste money on a return ticket home!

"But I have a job, hatchlings, a nice Corvette!" you protest.

Don't say we didn't try to warn you, the statistics say it all: 99.8% of tourists who visit Saiiban love it so much they stay - forever! (The other 0.2% can't be accounted for, but they're clearly in the minority)

So save yourself the hassle and just book a one-way ticket.

In fact, if you head on over to your nearest spaceport right now you'll find that the Saiiban Tourism Board is running an amazing deal on what are effectively free flights direct to Saiiban Prime for xenos and their immediate friends and family- it almost sounds too good to be true!

Commercial: Fly direct to Saiiban and 5 other exciting new routes with Earthport, Earth's gateway to the galaxy.

Commercial: Fly direct to Saiiban and 5 other exciting new routes with Earthport, Earth's gateway to the galaxy.

So that rounds up our Top 5 tips for travelling to Saiiban. I hope you found this article useful, and I take it we'll be seeing you there soon!

This article was paid for by the Saiiban Hive Mind Tourism Board.

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Record breaking election victory for area Hivemind

Image: The Saiiban Hivemind wins 100% of the electoral vote in a stunning victory

Image: The Saiiban Hivemind wins 100% of the electoral vote in a stunning victory

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The Saiiban Hivemind has secured a 53rd consecutive term in power, following a stunning election victory on its homeworld of Saiiban Prime.

Setting a galactic record, the election was completed after only ten microseconds. 100% of Saiiban population drones voted unanimously for the only candidate on the telepathic ballot.

Broadcasting via intrusive visual hallucinations to all sentient creatures in the local cluster, the Hivemind elect declared:

"We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one."

Jubilant scenes were reported across Saiiban Prime, with millions of drones clapping slowly, and somewhat menacingly, in unison. 

Local drone 3929 was eager to explain to our newsteam why he had voted for the Hivemind:

"We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one."

The Galactic UN, previously sceptical of the legitimacy of the election due to the lack of viable candidates, applauded the exceedingly high voter turnout and is now officially encouraging all democratic nations to consider adopting Hivemind protocols to foster further interstellar democracy.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.