Scyldaria

Notification spam prompts area pacifists to consider becoming fanatical purifiers

I - Header, Scyldaria : Scyldari Confederacy.png

Scyldari leadership is tonight considering completely ditching the space nation’s longstanding ethos of pacifism and xenophilia in favor of becoming fanatical purifiers, after having received a record-breaking 3.7 trillion inane diplomatic notifications in the last 24 hours.

The outward-looking Scyldari have historically had high levels of contact with other species from across the galaxy, and as such they have often fielded a substantial number of diplomatic notifications.

However, recent reports from the Scyldari Foreign Office indicate both diplomats and computer systems alike are struggling to cope with an increasing flurry of notifications as hundreds of space-nations simultaneously expand and interact with each other.

Image: Scyldari Foreign Office computers are struggling to cope with high levels of inane diplomatic notifications.

Image: Scyldari Foreign Office computers are struggling to cope with high levels of inane diplomatic notifications.

Scyldari diplomat Cali J’Bassim told Xenonion News:

“Here at the Foreign Office on Scyldaria, we have relied on diplomatic notifications to keep us abreast of important developments in our local cluster, as every species does.

At first these notifications were important, like ‘FYI the hegemonic imperialists next door have declared war on you’, or ‘another six scientists were pointlessly lost at that archeology site.’ But as our xeno contact has increased, so too have the notifications… exponentially.

We’re now getting hundreds of notifications that two empires we never really interact with are repeatedly opening and closing borders to each other, or that irrelevant MegaCorp on the other side of the galaxy has entered into a commercial pact with a backwater we don’t care about. And that’s only the tip of the metaphorical iceberg. It just got too much.”

Screenshot 2019-08-04 at 22.25.18.png

The Scyldari Foreign office highlights that over the last three months it has been fielding an average of 1.2 trillion diplomatic notifications per day.

Common messages include:

  • Borders opened

  • That species you interacted once with has entered a research agreement with that other species that look a bit funny

  • Borders closed

  • Two space nations have formed a laughably small federation

  • Borders opened again, but then quickly closed

  • The laughably small federation has given some irrelevant species association status

With no option to filter or mute messages, the Scyldari Foreign Office has had to employ 233 million Scyldari pops to manually sift through notifications until an automated system can be implemented.

The Scyldari Prosperity Faction estimates that the cost of employing the entire population of Scyldaria as interns and terraforming the planet into a Foreign Office ecumenopolis will cripple the space nation’s budget by 2260. As such, leaders are now seriously considering switching to xenophobic and militaristic ethos in a bid to quell the diplomatic spam.

Scyldari president Dackam addressed the issue in a press conference earlier today. He stated:

“Scyldari philosophy is one of balance and moderation in all things. Sadly, there is no balance and moderation in diplomatic notifications.

We cannot stem the tide of these notifications. As such, we must address the root of the problem. We must destroy their very source… the other xenos.”

Screenshot 2019-08-04 at 22.34.51.png

His speech was met with universal approval across Scyldari society, and indeed from most other space nations who are grappling with similar problems.

However, the proposed switch from polar opposite ethos would be unprecedented in modern space history. In his closing remarks at the press conference, Dackam acknowledged this, stating; “I guess first we just need to figure out how to actually switch ethos. Anyone?”

Shares in Colossus-grade weapons on the Space Exchange Index (SEXI) rose dramatically on the news.

I - Signoff, Ashley.png
I - Comments, Blank copy.png

I - Commercial, 5 A Day.png

Pacifist empire declares war every ten years to enforce truces

Image: Scyldari President Dackam announced the war declarations this morning live via eyeStream.

Image: Scyldari President Dackam announced the war declarations this morning live via eyeStream.

Scyldaria, Scyldaron System, Scyldari Confederacy

The pacifistic Scyldari Confederacy has this morning declared liberation wars on fourteen neighbouring space-nations.

Scyldari President Dackam hailed the declarations of war as "the beginning of another chapter for galactic peace and prosperity."

The move was hotly anticipated by galactic observers such as J'Khanna, a political commentator on Scyldaria, who told Xenonion News:

"This is definitely no surprise to anyone who's been watching Scyldari diplomacy in action. Over the last 30 years they have followed a very rigid pattern of declaring liberation wars on neighbours, immediately settling for status quo without any actual hostilities, and then enforcing a 10 year truce period which guarantees peace. As soon as the truces expire - the process is repeated."

Each of the fourteen space-nations which had war declared upon them all individually had existing truces with the Scyldari which expired today.

Proponents of the war declarations highlight that the resulting peace accords, which are unbreakable as per Galactic UN law, have heralded an era of unprecedented development in the region.

Image: Rhi'Kass, leader of the Vhemm Ardent, reptilian spiritual slaving despots.

Image: Rhi'Kass, leader of the Vhemm Ardent, reptilian spiritual slaving despots.

Rhi'Kass, leader of the Vhemm Ardent, one of the fourteen space-nations to be attacked, told Xenonion News;

"These 10-year truce periods have actually been pretty beneficial to us. Initially we were forced into it because the Scyldari were way more powerful than us, but now we're on technological parity, we still agree to it immediately. Why? Well no-one in the region is really thinking about war, so we can focus on the economy and science. Open borders are enforced so we actually have to interact with our neighbours... On a personal level this has really changed my perspective on things."

Reports indicate Scyldari diplomats are currently in the process of drawing up a new set of status-quo peace treaties to cover the next 10-years. Insider sources indicate that the higher levels of government are optimistic that after this tranche of war declarations, the region will federate.

Image: An example of previous peace treaties offered by the Scyldari Confederacy.

Image: An example of previous peace treaties offered by the Scyldari Confederacy.

The Galactic UN and xenophilic Fallen Empires have praised the Scyldari's war declarations as "a wonderful overture to peace" and are said to be considering nominating the space-nation for the 2251 Galactic Nobel Peace Prize award.

I - Signoff, Ashley.png

Scyldari pops specifically avoid growing in developed areas

I - Header, Scyldaria.png
Image: Scyldari pops tend to settle on undeveloped areas with few opportunities instead of in developed urban areas, much to the frustration of government planners.

Image: Scyldari pops tend to settle on undeveloped areas with few opportunities instead of in developed urban areas, much to the frustration of government planners.

The Scyldari government has expressed frustration at residents on their eponymous homeworld of Scyldaria, who have been noted to avoid populating areas of the planet where infrastructure had been built, instead opting to live in areas with no infrastructure at all.

The most recent example of this unusual behavior came when 1 unit of Scyldari population settled in an undeveloped area immediately north of a newly constructed power plant. As the newly unemployed pops protested a lack of jobs, the nearby power plant lay unused, leaving millions on the planet without power.

Digbe Thornt, the local planetary executive, was perhaps the most confused, telling our newsteam;

"I just don't understand it. We spent lots of resources over several months to construct that power plant, and yet the fools settle to the north. There's nothing there! We're going to have to look at forcible resettlement - it's going to take months and a lot of influence to move everyone, but then at least we'll have an optimal arrangement."

In response to recent settlement difficulties, the Scyldari Senate, the legislative body for the Scyldari Confederacy, is considering new legislation to restrict the movement of pops in the empire. Currently, all Scyldari pops are free to move wherever they choose in the empire, though forced resettlement has occurred in the past. This new bill would end that policy and limit movement to government-approved resettlement only.

Many pops have already voiced dissenting opinions on the issue, and political analysts almost universally agree that the bill will be voted down if it comes to a vote at all.

> More accurate reporting from Erik Akselsen & Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

I - Signoff, Erik.png
I - Signoff, Ashley.png