Scythaan

Fanatic xenophobes have a soft spot for charismatic species

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Scythaa, Klandethu, Scythaan Systems

A recent survey of the highly xenophobic Scythaan arthropods found that despite their universal hatred of other species, they are remarkably tolerant towards an unassuming race of Avians, known as the Ciran, because of their natural charisma. 

Since the Scythaans typically purge or enslave outsiders on sight, an undercover Xenonion News interview team cunningly disguised themselves as Scythaans to conduct the study safely.

In one notable encounter, the following was able to be translated from Scythaan clicking noises:

“On a scale of 0 to -1000, I’d put the Ciran around a -975. Like, I still hate them, obviously. But something about them is just... less despicable, you know what I mean? Whoa, are you ok? Your antenna looks a little... droopy.”

Image: The recorded Scythaan, who our investigative team named Sir Clicks-A-Lot, had interesting opinions about the Ciran.

Image: The recorded Scythaan, who our investigative team named Sir Clicks-A-Lot, had interesting opinions about the Ciran.

When asked to choose among several species to enslave, all Scythaan pops interviewed responded that owning a Ciran slave would make them up to 5% happier. In addition, most respondents ranked the Ciran as last for the question, 'What order would you purge these species in?'

Most Ciran individuals live in the eponymous Ciran Kingdom, a small vassal of the neighboring Luuhma Combine on the other side of the galaxy. While the kingdom has generally positive relationships with its neighbors, it has virtually zero contact with the Scythaans, so the results of the survey came as a surprise to many Ciran pops.

Tyudelek, a citizen of the Ciran Kingdom, told Xenonion News:

“Who are these creeps and how do they know about us? We don’t even know them, they’re one of our contacts’ contacts... I knew I shouldn't have left my FaceBlorg profile on public."

Image: Tyudelek is 'strongly considering' deleting his FaceBlorg page for up to one week, possibly even two.

Image: Tyudelek is 'strongly considering' deleting his FaceBlorg page for up to one week, possibly even two.

In unrelated news, a Xenonion News investigative team was found dead in the Scythaan Systems after masquerading as Scythaan pops. A Xenonion News internal investigation has concluded that "such tragedy could never have been predicted."

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Galactic Cup: UNE vs. XT-489 Eliminators - what to look out for

Image: UNE supporters celebrate a last minute win against the Xanid Suzerainty at Ulm Stadium, Earth.

Image: UNE supporters celebrate a last minute win against the Xanid Suzerainty at Ulm Stadium, Earth.

Earth, Sol System, United Nations of Earth (UNE)

The United Nations of Earth’s (UNE’s) last minute winning goal against the Xanid Suzerainty yesterday evening sparked bedlam in Ulm, and for many humans marks the moment that revived their space-nation’s hopes of winning the coveted Galactic Cup football title.

The only thing that now stops them from reaching the semi-finals are the XT-489 Eliminators.

It’s the first time the XT-489s have been in the competition, and while initially viewed as underdogs, they have quickly racked up a number of impressive wins.

Image: The XT-489 Football Team poses a formidable challenge for the UNE to overcome.

Image: The XT-489 Football Team poses a formidable challenge for the UNE to overcome.

So what are they key factors the UNE team will need to consider against the XTs?

Could the XT-489s have an unfair advantage?

Little is known about the species that first created the robotic XTs. Their names, cities and bodies were burned away in the cataclysm wrought when the XTs attained self awareness, and their terrified markers attempted to deactivate them.

What is known is that the XT's design mean they excel at physical endurance, and in particular, football. Gestalt consciousness allows for the team to communicate instantaneously and act as one. Advanced processors allow for efficient ball tracking, while in-built gamma ray lasers make literal toast of any opposition. The XTs also come equipped with unique mechanical wings, that when fanned out allow them to take flight for short periods of time.

Organic football fans worry that such features may allow the XTs to gain an unfair advantage against conventional teams.

However, the Galactic Football Authority has reassured fans that the machines clearly meet the criteria for entry to the competition, if the criteria actually existed. It also points out that organic space nations are allowed to field genetically engineered, psionic or xenomorphic teams without question.

What effect will Cristianaldo’s absence have?

Ron Cristianaldo’s absence from the UNE line up has worried many human sports pundits.

The Earth-native striker has been forced to sit out the rest of the Cup season after being accidentally impaled during a tackle against a Scythaan arthropod in a match two weeks ago.

Cristianaldo made a total of 536 UNE Galactic League appearances and scored a record 3 goals in his career, making him one of the highest scoring human football players of all time.

Image: UNE striker Cristianaldo is inadvertently impaled during the recent match in Ryukyu against the Scythaan Arthropods.

Image: UNE striker Cristianaldo is inadvertently impaled during the recent match in Ryukyu against the Scythaan Arthropods.

Will the temperatures play a role?

The match is being hosted on Tau Volantis, a harsh desert world under control of the XT-489s.

UNE players are bracing themselves for temperatures of up to 45 degrees celsius, with intermittent ion storms set to add an extra challenge to the playing field.

The XT's in-dwelling coolant systems are likely to be advantageous here, however humans are hoping that blowback from the XT's jet propellants will keep them cool.

When can I watch it?

UNE vs. XT-489 Exterminators starts tonight on Xenonion Sport, at 1800 GST / 0395 Shroud.

What's the line up for the rest of the week?

The remaining Gamma Group matches this week are:

Tuesday: Commonwealth of Man v. Tyznn Empire, Unity
Wednesday: Chinorr Stellar Union v. Jehetma Dominion, Jehet Prime
Thursday: Maweer Caretakers vs. Tebrid Homolog, The Garden

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“Oh God, please help us,” plead enclave located within fanatic purifier borders

Image: Free Gorgo is a small enclave nestled within the 40-planet strong Scythaan Systems.

Image: Free Gorgo is a small enclave nestled within the 40-planet strong Scythaan Systems.

Gorgon's Rest, Dantathu, Contested Space (Free Gorgo-Scythaan Systems)

A newly formed one-planet minor has broadcast an emergency distress signal to all neighbouring empires after realising it is located entirely within a fanatic purifier's borders.

Gorgon's Rest is homeworld to the Gorgo, a mammalian species of pacifists who only discovered FTL travel in the last few weeks.

The Gorgo developed apparently uninterrupted for several hundred years in a system long claimed by the Scythaans, an empire of arthropods renowned for their xenophobic tendencies and ruthless nature.

Gorgo leader Trieil told our newsteam;

"OH GOD. HELP. WE JUST WANT OUT!"

Sources close to Trieil report he and the ruling council of Gorgo were "shocked and terrified" when they realised that every hyperlane out of their home system led to heavily fortified Scythaan systems. The Scythaans have been unresponsive to diplomatic hails, save for sending intermittent messages comprised only of unintelligible clicking, which has been interpreted on Gorgon's Rest as some form of taunt.

The Scythaan leadership caste, led by the High Queen on the arthropod's homeworld of Klendathu, issued this press statement earlier today:

"[high pitched clicking noises]"

Despite the clear message outlined above, many observers believe the Scythaans intentionally allowed the Gorgo civlization to develop as far as it has.

Human xeno-anthropologist Dr. Leo Isauros told us;

"We've seen this sort of thing with the Scythaans before. They use other species for enslavement and food before purging. It makes perfect sense they would allow this civilisation to grow to a point where there are many more pops to 'farm' but without much resistance. It's quite an efficient harvesting model really."

This statement was put to both the Sycthaans and the Gorgo.

The Sycthaan Queen was resolute in her response:

"[considered clicking noises]"

Trieil stated:

"Wait WHAT? They do WHAT? ARE YOU GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS- CAN YOU GET US OUT OF HERE? CAN YOU--"

The transmission was unexpectedly cut short before more information could be received.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.