Terraforming

Planet accidentally terraformed into regular icosahedron

Gygax II, Gygax System, Repsar Empire

The environmental engineering team behind the terraforming of Gygax II has converted the surface of the previously spheroidal planet into a regular icosahedron, known otherwise as a shape with twenty sides.

Most independent observers believe the conversion of Gygax II into the largest example of the fifth Platonic solid was a mistake, not the realization of an intentional design through advanced terraforming techniques. Planetary Mega-Engineering Schemes (PMS) Inc, the engineering firm in charge of the project, has declined to comment on the subject.

Image: One PMS employee highlighted concerns about PMS' terraforming calculations.

Image: One PMS employee highlighted concerns about PMS' terraforming calculations.

Q'Boid, a reptilian mid-level engineer at PMS who wished to remain anonymous, told Xenonion:

"This whole icosahedron thing was definitely not intentional. Someone, somewhere has got their calculations wrong. Worse still, the planet's current form may not be stable. We could see a whole menagerie of exotic and potentially lethal shapes. An icosahedron is a paradise compared to the horrors of toruses, cyclinders, 3D fractals... and we haven't even got started on shapes that extend into higher spatial dimensions beyond our comprehension." 

At present, Gygax II appear stable. Its new twenty sides seem to be supporting the indigenous flora and fauna, but it is not clear how the planet's inherent gravitational forces have not immediately caused the icosahedron to revert back to a spheroid. The Repsar Empire's current mindset seems to be to make the most of the most of the situation, regardless of how short-lived it might turn out to be. 

Image:   Currently, a permanent colony is out of question, but several vacation properties and hotels have already been built along the planets edges. 

Image:  Currently, a permanent colony is out of question, but several vacation properties and hotels have already been built along the planets edges. 

At press time, a small group of private colonists have begun the construction of numerous theme-parks and resorts on Gygax II to accommodate for a suddenly booming tourist industry. The planets first tourist centre is already selling miniature models of the planet as souvenirers, and many colonists had begun numbering the sides for entertainment.

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Post-apocalyptic purifiers laud orbital bombardment terraforming

Image: Speaker Merg Pak presents Hesukar research on terraforming.

Image: Speaker Merg Pak presents Hesukar research on terraforming.

ISS Palaver Science Nexus, Alpha System

The Hesukar Decimators Purification Committee has announced a major breakthrough in novel terraforming technology.

Speaking at this year's Galactic Conference for the Betterment of the Galactic Ecosystem (GCFTBOTGE), Hesukar scientist Merg Pak stated that though "sheer luck" his species had discovered a technique that would make terraforming "cheap and accessible for all."

The announcement came as a surprise to many in the conference as the Hesukar, a post-apocalyptic molloscoid species of fanatic purifiers, have long been considered a technological backwater by more scientifically advanced neighbours.

Snarling at a packed auditorium behind a think pane of protective glass, Merg Pak continued:

"Like many young space-nations eating their way across the galaxy, we have longed to terraform many of our colonies. We yearn to provide our people with perfect environments on which to feast upon the flesh of xenos. We have spent decades trying to research how the terraforming process works to no avail.

But last year, everything we knew changed. It began with our first large-scale genocide campaign against a neighbouring species of plantoids. We placed our ships in orbit above their homeworld, and decided to initiate armageddon bombardment. Millions of plantoid pops perished. It was delightful to see. But as the planet crumbled, our sensors began stirring - habitability readings were going up and up. By the time all life forms had been extinguished, we had created the perfect world for our species - a jewel tomb world. And all for the cost of maintaining a fleet in orbit. That's how we discovered TERRORFORMING."

Pak, in between bouts of furiously salivating at the prospect of devouring his audience, went on to describe how the Hesukar had begun a mass TERRORFORMING™ program on hundreds of developed planets in their local cluster.

Xenophobic factions have applauded the Hesukar's ingenuity, but have criticised how the terraforming technique has been sold as "suitable for all" given how it only applies to those species with post-apocalyptic traits.

Pak responded to this in his speech;

"Sorry - I should have been clear. This is a terraforming process suitable for all ... Hesukar. Silly xeno scum."

Pak finished his keynote delivery by ordering his attachment of guards to seal the conference doors while screaming "DINNER IS SERVED!"

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Empire ‘overwhelmed’ by trade requests for strategic resource

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Diplomats from the Lorax League have issued a cease-and-desist orders to 18 neighbouring space-nations in a bid to quell what they describe as a “tidal wave” of trade requests for Terraforming Liquids.

Following a chance discovery of resource-rich frozen planets last month, the Lorax have become the galaxy’s largest producer of the rare resource, which is highly valued for its eponymous role in terraforming.

Image: The Lorax League recently discovered what it called "ridiculously huge" amounts of Terraforming Liquids on the frozen planet of Gianfor X and its large moon Gianfor XI.

Image: The Lorax League recently discovered what it called "ridiculously huge" amounts of Terraforming Liquids on the frozen planet of Gianfor X and its large moon Gianfor XI.

As the Lorax mines are publicly owned, the government retains all access right to the massive stockpile of three Terraforming Liquids. Due to this, the League’s Department of Intergalactic Trade (DIT) has been fielding an increasing number of trade enquiries. Zorgen Florgen, deputy trade minister, told our newsteam;

“Honestly gaining this strategic resource has been an absolute curse. We don't have the energy credits yet to start terraforming so we have to just sit on it - which means everyone else thinks we're not using it. I mean come on, we picked World Shapers as an ascendancy perk for Worm's sake!

Not only that but the trade deals offered are downright offensive. The other day I got a request for a 10 year lease on our Terraforming Liquids in exchange for 200 minerals and star charts. STAR CHARTS. Seriously. Does anyone even know how much 10-year access to Terraforming liquids is worth? Why is someone offering us minerals we can mine in a day?"

Image: A typical example of a trade deal the Lorax League receives on a daily basis, with a typical example of an unimpressed Lorax diplomat.

Image: A typical example of a trade deal the Lorax League receives on a daily basis, with a typical example of an unimpressed Lorax diplomat.

Interns at the DIT are reportedly spending up to 17 hours a day declining trade deals. One insider, who wished to remain anonymous, told us:

“I don’t even read incoming trade proposals anymore. I’ve just set all new requests to auto-decline after a few weeks of sitting on my desk."

Trade is a particularly sensitive issue for the Lorax government, following the leak of a recent internal report which confirmed the DIT had issued a number of trade deals to the same empire which cancelled each other out. Florgen refused to comment on this, but our anonymous source continued:

“Oh, yeah we were idiots on this one. So basically we were trading 10 minerals per month to Sentinel Systems, our neighbours, for 10 energy credits per month. Standard 10 year deal. But somewhere along the line we accidentally made another deal and traded 10 energy credits per month for 10 minerals per month, for 10 years. So… we’re effectively not trading at all.”

Materialists from across the galaxy have been calling on the Galactic UN to overhaul trade laws, to include more flexible trade agreements, an index of all available resources, and minimum pricing tariffs for strategic resources.

The Galactic UN responded, stating it was aware of the issue but its priority at present remains on legalizing the construction of planet-destroying superweapons.

Florgen, on hearing this news, told us:

“I now finally understand how fanatical purifiers come about…”

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Billions dead after sector governor wrongly terraforms colonized planets

Image: This far the only confirmed survivors are the former workers of the space ports

Image: This far the only confirmed survivors are the former workers of the space ports

Pcuss Prime, Saryara System, Pcuss Star Congress

At least 14.3 billion Pcussian citizens are feared dead after a rogue sector governor terraformed 3 colonized worlds into biomes incompatible with existing life forms.

The multiple terraforming projects took place in the planet heavy system of Zendaya and completed simultaneously this morning, causing cataclysmic ecosystem collapse.

In a press release moments ago, Pcussian president P’Frr stated:

“This is a dark hour for the Pcuss Star Congress. The Zendaya Sector has been completely annihilated following the actions of Governor P’Latt, who has been confirmed dead alongside billions of our fellow citizens.

For reasons we cannot yet comprehend, Governor P’Latt took it upon himself to terraform three pristine continental worlds into arid wastelands. Horrifically, when the terraforming completed, the atmospheres on all of these worlds collapsed, asphyxiating anything organic above ground.

This process began 3 years ago, and was hidden from Central Congress. We had absolutely no indication or notification this was happening, other than P’Latt requesting 50,000 extra energy credits in financial support for the sector every week.

We will rebuild, we will persevere, we will change our government notification system to filter out spam – but for now we must remember those we have lost.”

P’Latt had been appointed to governorship 3 and a half years ago, and was widely rumoured to be inexperienced and substance misusing.

Pcussian rescue teams are currently combing the remains of the former worlds to see if any survivors were able to make it airlocks below ground, but their prognosis remains extremely guarded.

The Pcussian Star Congress has revoked all sector authority, and declared a 70 year period of mourning.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible