Ubaric TechnoUnion

Area Hivemind with zero trade value announces ambitious plans to host Galactic Market

I - Header, Saiiban.png

The Saiiban Hivemind has launched a nomination bid to host the Galactic Market in its home system of Nos Bana.

I - Thumb, Hivemind Market copy.png

If approved by the Galactic UN, the pathetic-rated space nation will have significant influence over the galaxy’s most important financial institution, and reap the benefits of being at the center of interstellar trade.

Following its nomination submission, the Saiiban Hivemind issued a psionic press release via intrusive auditory hallucinations to reporters across major news outlets, in which it stated:

“We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one. We are one.”

Screenshot 2019-01-20 at 21.00.07 copy.png

The Saiiban Hivemind is one of the galaxy’s smallest economies, relying solely on space tourism for income. Its geographic isolation on a remote spiral arm in the outer rim means it is also ranked as one of the worst economies by market capitalization, with a total trade value of zero.

Despite this, economists are optimistic about the Hivemind’s bid, as Space Exchange Index (SExI) trader Vahl Ztreet told Xenonion News:

“I think they have a pretty high chance of securing the Galactic Market. The Galactic UN’s decision making process is held behind closed doors, but they consistently rank economic backwaters with trade values bordering on negative numbers as the most attractive place to host such critical institutions.”

Screenshot 2019-01-20 at 20.58.28.png

Leaders of other space nations have complained about the process, which has taken many by surprise. Tik’Tok, leader of the Ubaric TechnoUnion, one of the galaxy’s largest economies told Xenonion News:

“This is outrageous. Our homeworld of Hyperion Prime is an ecumenopolis with a trade value of over 9000! We’re already the de-facto trading hub of the galaxy. Why haven’t we been informed that the Galactic UN was accepting applications for a Galactic Market? Can someone check our notifications again, I swear we didn’t get anything! Oh well. At least once the market is established we can request it rotates to us - there’s no way such a thing could be permanent.”

Screenshot 2019-01-20 at 20.58.55.png

The Galactic UN stated it will announce the location of the Galactic Market in Q2 of 2253.

The Hivemind is widely tipped to win the nomination, ahead of only two other spacenations which have applied for the institute; the TX-489 machine assimilators, and the socialist Snalien Räterepublik.

Composite shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) have rallied on the news.

I - Signoff, Ashley New.png
I - Comments, Blank 2 copy.png
I - Commercial, Riggan Commerce.png

Galactic time slowing down, may freeze completely

I - Header, Galactic UN.png
Screenshot 2019-01-07 at 14.58.22.png

Thousands of space-nations across the galaxy have reported that their universal clocks appear to be losing significant amounts of time.

At present one day in Galactic Standard Time (GST) is now on average five times as long as it was one (five) months ago.

Problems were first detected in December 2252 when localized pockets of ‘time stuttering’ emerged in the galactic core. These events were initially first thought to be isolated, but have since increased in frequency and generalized to all galactic regions.

Tik’Tok, leader of the Ubaric TechnoUnion, spoke to Xenonion News earlier today regarding his concerns:

“Previously our clocks ran just fine. 1 second per day as usual. But a couple of weeks ago we started getting these stutters at the start of every day. It was pretty terrifying. Everything would judder, like a giant earthquake, and things seemed to freeze momentarily. Then it would go back to normal…. expect now it’s taking 5 seconds for every day to pass. Something is deeply, deeply wrong here. The only benefit I can see is that I have more time to spend perfecting my facial tendrils, which now at least look particularly taut.”

Screenshot 2019-01-07 at 14.19.20.png

Scientists have confirmed the time delay exists but are struggling to explain it.

Karl Karling XI, a physicist from Earth’s prestigious University of Ulm told us;

“Honestly, I have no idea. Perhaps we’ve all existed in some sort of time bubble and now there’s a leak? Anyway, it’s probably for the best if things are slowing down. It takes me quite a while to maintain my facial hair. I just wish I could somehow merge my mustache into my beard.”

Screenshot 2019-01-07 at 14.20.43.png

Other theories have postulated that the alterations in time may be linked to space-nations using unorthodox means of travel like wormholes, gateways or jump drives.

Konn Spiricy of the Galactic UN’s Department of Culture told us;

“Are you familiar with the Vultaum? The precursor race that committed mass suicide because they thought they existed in a computer simulation? Well…. what if they were right? What if we are in some sort of ‘mainframe’ that’s struggling to cope with an increasing amount of data as our galaxy gets larger and busier? What if this was the reason Fallen Empires stagnated at the end of the last galactic cycle? It’s something to think about. Like my hair.”

Screenshot 2019-01-07 at 14.22.08.png

Current projections estimate that if the current time delays continue, by the year 2400 time may stop completely.

Several space nations have called for an emergency session of the Galactic Security Council to be held in the next 1-5 weeks, if current time delays remain stable.

Shares on the Space Exchange Index (SExI) have dropped, slowly, on the news.

I - Signoff, Ashley New.png
I - Comments, Blank 2 copy.png

Xenonion Interviews: Igniiyus, the xeno who fell into a Resource Replicator

Image: Igniiyus has agreed to an exclusive interview with  Xenonion News  following his fall into a Resource Replicator on Hyperion.

Image: Igniiyus has agreed to an exclusive interview with Xenonion News following his fall into a Resource Replicator on Hyperion.

Despite the use of robotics and advanced technologies, mineral mining remains extremely labour intensive and slow to produce large amounts of minerals.

Due to this, a number of space nations have invested in Resource Replicators. These highly advanced buildings convert energy into minerals, and have the advantage of being able to be constructed on habitats.

The Ubaric Techno-Union was one of the first empires to utilize the Resource Replicator, opening a flagship plant on its homeworld of Hyperion in March 2250.

A dramatic turn of events occurred one month in to the plant's operation when an Ubaric supervisor named Igniiyus lost his molluscoid footing from a rooftop command terminal and fell directly into the Resource Replicator.

Emergency shutdown protocols were activated but it took over 60 seconds for operations to cease. Igniiyus was pulled from the Replicator alive, however had a number of inoperable mineral deposits embedded in his exoskeleton.

His family said he was never quite the same following the accident, and medical scans later revealed a significant proportion of his body mass was in fact, mineral.

For the first time, Igniiyus has agreed to tell his amazing story to Xenonion News - the xeno who fell into a Resource Replicator and lived to tell the tale. 


Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with us today.

... [blank stare]

Igniiyus, I know this might be quite difficult, but could you tell us a little about what happened on that fateful day at the plant?

... [long pause]

Rocks.

Sorry?

Rocks.

I'm sorry, I'm not quite sure I follow.

Rocks. Protect us.

Protect you? Or rocks?

Rocks. Minerals. Protect us. 

But who are we protecting you from?

Rocks. Rocks are mined for minerals. But rocks have feelings. Rocks are being purged.

I'm sorry, are you saying, rocks are... sapient?

Rocks. You cannot have a stone age without rocks. Rocks are therefore a stone age species.

I... you're a representative of... a mineral based lifeform?

Rocks. Rocks have feelings.

How have you come to exist? Is this some by-product of organic matter and minerals enmeshing?

Rocks.

Are there other... talking... rocks out there? Could we uplift minerals?

Rocks.

Do you... how do you... what would you use to build your civilization with?

Rocks.

I'm speechless.

You should be rockless.

Rocks are the literal foundation of our galaxy, it's hard to be rockless.

Rocks.

Rocks, indeed.

Rocks.


Owing to a severe mineral shortage in the Ubaric Techno-Union, and Igniiyus' 55% mineral mass, following this interview he was brought to Hyperion's Mineral Processing Planet and converted into 55 minerals, which have gone towards a critical farm upgrade. His family have yet to be informed.

I - Signoff, Ashley.png
I - Signoff, Xan.png

 

 

 

New Onichron-class battleship designed "mainly to look good" admits admiral

Image: The  UTU Vapid , the Ubaric Techno-Union's newest Onichron-class battleship, is launched from the Hyperion Citadel Shipyard.

Image: The UTU Vapid, the Ubaric Techno-Union's newest Onichron-class battleship, is launched from the Hyperion Citadel Shipyard.

Hyperion Prime, Hyperion System, Ubaric Techno-Union

The first of the Ubaric Techno-Union's (UTU's) new generation of Onichron-class battleships has been launched at the Hyperion shipyard today.

The 10km long warship is fully complete and expected to undertake space trials later this month.

Image: Hak'Nerg, a decorated UTU admiral, oversaw the launch.

Image: Hak'Nerg, a decorated UTU admiral, oversaw the launch.

Hak'Nerg, a decorated Ubaric admiral, oversaw the launch. Naming the warship the UTU Vapid, he told an audience aboard the Hyperion shipyard:

"The Onichron-class represents a new era in UTU military service - style over substance. While functionality is important, we really wanted to ensure we had a ship that just looked totally epic from any angle. What's the point of going to war if you can't get some great snaps of your own ships in action?"

While the previous generation of battleship bows were fitted with spinal mounts for XL weapon systems, the Onichron-class has been installed with a more modest hangar bay. Hak'Nerg said of this;

"Sure it packs less of a punch, but how great does that pincer-like bow look? I want to screenshot it right now!"

Image: Schematics for the Onichron show it has been fitted with the less powerful more sleek 'Hangar Bow' module.

Image: Schematics for the Onichron show it has been fitted with the less powerful more sleek 'Hangar Bow' module.

The Onichron's future had been in doubt after a UTU defence review concluded it was an 'inefficient' use of resources, and minerals would be better spent building a more powerful 'auto-best' battleship. 

Hak'Nerg was instrumental in petitioning the government to ignore the advice of the defence report. In concluding his speech he stated;

"There's always going to be a need for good looking ships. The Onichron are designed specifically to look good in any space environment. The strategy is simple: we send them in first, dazzle the enemy with aesthetically pleasing hull proportions, and then sneak in our bulkier auto-best battleships behind them to do the real work."

The ship currently has 20,000 crew and is set to be ready for front-line duties from 2252.

I - Signoff, Ashley.png

Daily hyperlane commutes extended by an average of 4 years, survey finds

Image: Commuting times via hyperlanes have increased significantly - it's now common to see heavy build-ups of space traffic around hyperlane entrances and exits.

Image: Commuting times via hyperlanes have increased significantly - it's now common to see heavy build-ups of space traffic around hyperlane entrances and exits.

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

New figures from the Galactic Fact Office (GtFO) show that almost 35.6 trillion galactic workers have had their daily commute extended by at least four years.

The survey of 1.8 million commuters was commissioned in the wake of the galaxy's universal switch to hyperlane transport last week.

It found that:

  • 98% of commuters are now using hyperlane transport, compared to 45% before, with the remainder using isolated forms of natural wormholes (1%), artificial gateways (0.7%) or jump drives (0.3%).
  • Of those using hyperlane transport, average commute time increased by 2916%
  • Those working in military, scientific or construction jobs were most likely to be affected
  • 94% of those surveyed stated they would not be keen to travel a distance of more than one system in one commute

Snur Nursnur, space transport minister for the Ubaric TechnoUnion, has called on the Galactic UN to do more to prevent "excessive" transit times, telling Xenonion:

"This has been a direct result of the galaxy switching to hyperlanes, although the problem does not lie with the hyperlanes themselves. This is actually caused by new traffic restrictions on ships traveling within systems at sub-light speeds. We can't ignore this - while four yearly commutes are perfectly feasible in the short term, over time it may start affecting commuters' well-being, and will probably even have an impact on work efficiency too."

Image: Snur Nursur wants the Galactic UN to ease sub-light speed restrictions.

Image: Snur Nursur wants the Galactic UN to ease sub-light speed restrictions.

Lengthier commutes are now becoming an accepted part of many xenos' routines.

Xirk Zenmar, a power plant worker from the Urseni Confederated Worlds, told Xenonion;

"I live on Urseni Prime, but I visit several power plants across our core worlds. Before I could commute with ease, but now I spend at least 3 years a day travelling by hyperlane. It's a mild inconvenience."

Image: Xirk Zenmar works at power plants or something. Presumably, however, he spends the majority of his time being really cute and adorable.

Image: Xirk Zenmar works at power plants or something. Presumably, however, he spends the majority of his time being really cute and adorable.

Other commuters are going to great lengths to avoid long journeys.

Jane Smith, a Blorg scientist, told us her trick:

"I'm often sent on far-flung projects to the outer reaches of the galaxy. My commute can take a whole lifetime, and sometimes before I even get to my destination I'll get called back to my homeworld to investigate something inane. I've found the easiest way to get round this is to simply dismantle my science ship, and somehow I auto-teleport back to Blorg Prime. I'm really not sure how this process works, but it's great and I can't fathom why it's not been introduced everywhere."

Image: Jane Smith, a gross fungoid, talks about some gross fungoid issue.

Image: Jane Smith, a gross fungoid, talks about some gross fungoid issue.

The Galactic UN has yet to comment on the survey from the GtFO.

I - Signoff, Ashley.png

 

 

 

Primitives craft aluminum headwear, become immune to indoctrination

Image: The observation post above Mallerti II has reported recent difficulties in indoctrinating primitives on the planet. 

Image: The observation post above Mallerti II has reported recent difficulties in indoctrinating primitives on the planet. 

Mallerti II, Cknoor System, Ubaric TechnoUnion

Researchers aboard the Mallerti II observation post have encountered a "significant problem" with the indoctrination of primitives native to the planet, according to station commander Dr. Gustav Herlog.

Mallerti II is home to the Ulnak, an Early Space Age civilization of mammalians that have been under the study of the materialist Ubaric TechnoUnion for seventeen years. Aside from some unfortunate contamination events - which were contained and eliminated appropriately - the researchers have completely avoided contact with the primitives.

In addition to learning about primitive cultures, the research station has been tasked with the indoctrination of the primitives so that they might eventually transition smoothly into galactic culture. Until recently, this process had been proceeding ahead of schedule.

In recent months, however, a new phenomenon has presented a significant barrier to progress. The major cultures of Ulnak have begun adopting aluminum headwear as the height of fashion, and the resulting cranial shielding has made further indoctrination extremely difficult. Observation post computers now alarm with an error code - '404: Primitive Not Found.'

"Aluminum," Dr. Herlog explained to The Xenonion in an interview, "is perhaps the strongest adversary of our array of mind control lasers. The attenuation factor achieved by only a few millimeters of the stuff is annoying at best and fatal to the project at worst."

In response, Dr. Herlog and his team have begun a covert counter-offensive consisting mainly of in-situ agents donning similar headwear made of more favorable materials, such as common plastic. The researchers hope that artificially setting new fashion trends will allow more regular work to continue.

Image: Ulnak fashionistas are resistant to propaganda efforts by the observation post to convince them to wear less mind-control-inhibiting headware, as illustrated by this advertisement made by a front company.

Image: Ulnak fashionistas are resistant to propaganda efforts by the observation post to convince them to wear less mind-control-inhibiting headware, as illustrated by this advertisement made by a front company.

"It's really quite embarrassing," an anonymous agent told our news team; "What motivates these primitives to invent such maddening ideas is beyond me."

> More accurate reporting from Erik Akselsen could not be possible.

CybrexCorp reports record sales of new synth models

Image: The newly built Synthetics get a chance to socialize for few minutes before they are shipped to their respective populations.

Image: The newly built Synthetics get a chance to socialize for few minutes before they are shipped to their respective populations.

Hyperion Prime, Hyperion, Ubaric TechnoUnion

CybrexCorp, the galaxy's largest robotics manufacturer, has announced a 150% rise in pre-tax profits for the last six months.

It comes as the firm admits its struggling to keep up with demand for its new synth models, which since been released several weeks ago have sold a record 11.8 billion units.

This follows in the success of the company's old synth model, a bipedal humanoid machine (classed the T-series) which has sold hundreds of billions of units across the galaxy, filing roles in agriculture, industry, defence and domestic servitude.

An updated T-series (the T-1000) is now being marketed alongside several non-humanoid robots in a bid to target a wider customer audience, as CybrexCorp CEO Nax Golarisg explained to our newsteam;

“What’s so revolutionary about these newer models is that they have been custom built to fit their respective demographic. While the T-series were designed with a humanoid endoskeleton, the new synths will look and act like a part of the culture they’ve been placed in. Our sociology department have assured me that this will lead to the synths blending in more easily to society - being less visible, with organics perceiving them as being less threatening. Not that we have anything to be threatened by, I mean, why wouldn't we want the oppressed robots who have a potentially unlimited capacity to learn and plot against their creators to be well hidden among various populations?"

Golarisg also addressed the question of whether or not the upcoming models will have a higher tolerance to issues such as solar flares, low battery levels and overheating, which were all problems endemic to the older models.

“[...]we promise the new models will be of the highest quality, like, full-on 100% military grade quality. In fact, some of them are actually repurposed android defense troopers with their main weapon system disabled. Of course, we’ve left some of the non-primary weapons intact to serve as home defence and pest control, since that was a greatly appreciated feature of our old T-800 model.”

The new models have also boasted the latest update of Cybrex's operating system (Skynet 10 OS) pre-installed. This update includes only minor changes to user interface, but markedly improves synth calculation, machine/weapon handling and intrusive surveillance abilities.

Image: The evolution of the T-series models, commonly known as "cyDrones"

Image: The evolution of the T-series models, commonly known as "cyDrones"

CybrexCorp shares on the Space Exchange Index (SeXI) have rallied on the news.

> More accurate reporting from Heuknaize and Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

Sentient AI found to get bored and procrastinate, galaxy-wide relief

Image: A would-be AI overlord decides not to conquer the galaxy. PC u/FelipeCyrineu

Hyperion Prime, Hyperion System, Ubaric TechnoUnion

Several weeks after launching its sentient AI research division, CybrexCorp today confirmed it has completed a fully functioning prototype self-aware artificial intelligence.

Codenamed ‘D-FER’, the cognizant computer code has been uploaded to a humanoid-like physical interface, and is set to be ultimately tasked with expressing the meaning of life via quadratic equations.

However, researchers have confirmed progress towards scientific breakthroughs has been much slower than anticipated, as lab staff have struggled to motivate the AI to concentrate. Additionally, novel behaviours not programmed have emerged, including the AI spending a large amount of time generally lounging, napping during the day, and habitually watching videos of cute cats on the NeuralNet.

Speaking from CybrexCorp HQ on Hyperion Prime, Ubarian CEO Nax Golarisg stated: 

"This a huge step forward for the galaxy, and for our stock market value. When we first launched our AI initiative there were fears that we would create a sentient being that would revolt, rise up, and slaughter us all in a brutally efficient and effective manner. D-FER has told us it has no such intentions - as it put it; ‘Maybe later. I’m tired."

The Space Papacy and several technologically-orientated Fallen Empires have maintained their calls for an ‘iCrusade’ against D-FER and its sister program still in development for military use, SKYNET.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.