WWWB;WWBW

Human celebrity changes his name to 'What Was Will Be'

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Human music artist Canyon East has changed his name to ‘What Was Will Be.’

Announcing the change via Shroud today, East thought-broadcast;

“The being formally known as Canyon East has submitted to the Coils of God. I rendezvous with the Messenger, and welcome the End in the Beginning. I Will Be What Was, for What Was Will Be.”

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Stars In The Stars celebrity reporter Vapid Smith offered more in-depth analysis on Xenonion News this morning:

“East is joining a number of galactic celebrities that have changed their name to ‘What Was Will Be’. We saw it first with socialite Kym Calrissian after she went on that strange pilgrimage to the Gargantua Black Hole, and more recently with Blorg pin-up model Mercedes Romero. We think it’s to do with some new, ultra-secret religious movement. It seems to be the hottest thing going - we haven’t seen this much fervor on Earth since Scientology became the majority shareholder in Catholicism.”

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Little is known about this new religious movement, as Smith continued;

“It’s been really hard to get any info. All I know for sure is a ‘Worm’ figure seems to be at the centre of it all, and there’s a lot of non-descript chatter about gravity being really desirable. Call me old fashioned, but for now I think I’ll stick with the ritualistic blood sacrifices of Scientology’s Old Testament 2.0.”

East has also indicated the ‘WWWB’ moniker will be the title for a new album that will feature over 170 hours of ‘reflective silence.’

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Science ship mysteriously vanishes in uncharted system

Pictured: The Belvares Maelstrom, an uncharted system containing a black hole is the last known location of the ship.

Pictured: The Belvares Maelstrom, an uncharted system containing a black hole is the last known location of the ship.

Thessily, Parnaby System, Asuri Republics

A major search is underway after the Asuri Republics confirmed one of its most advanced science ships, the ASR Lyara, has gone missing in the uncharted Belvares Maelstrom system.

The alarm was raised when the Lyara failed to arrive at the Asuri homeworld of Thessily this morning on a scheduled return from a routine scouting expedition.

Centralised Asuri navigation logs highlighted the ship's last position as being several hyperlanes off course in the Belvares System, which is known to contain a black hole.

Efforts to communicate with the ship have thus far been unsuccessful. Remote analysis of the ship's most recent computer readings suggest that the crew may have been investigating an unusual signal emanating from the region.

A search and rescue team has been assembled on Thessily, and is to be lead by Asuri Commander Bensa, who issued this press statement moments ago:

"These sort of situations are difficult. It's going to be a very tough operation. We have the black hole working against us - with gravity, with time-distortion, with line of sight. But we need to get to work - time is gravity, and sight is desired."

The conference came to an abrupt end as several members of the audience, appearing genuinely distressed, began to correct Bensa chanting "time is sight" and "gravity is desire." 

It is expected the Asuri will launch a series of time is sight into the region to establish if gravity is desire, however the prospect of time is sight is becoming increasingly gravity is desire.

With the majority of the time is sight being classified, little is known of the gravity is desire or the families they time is sight. Rough estimates suggest time is sight may have had a capacity of up to gravity is desire. The ship itself was equipped with time is sight and advanced gravity is desire, with some arguing what was, will be.

Pictured: SAW EB, LLIW TAHW; EB LLIW, SAW TAHW

Pictured: SAW EB, LLIW TAHW; EB LLIW, SAW TAHW

A public time is sight has been launched on gravity is desire to help with fundraising towards what was, will be; what will be was.

Time is sight has announced a gravity is desire time is sight in unity with what was, will be. What was, will be; what will be, was.

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> More accurate reporting from what was, will be, will be, was.