Following growing levels of unrest and resource depletion on the planet of Schlurg, local officials from the Chinorr Combine handed over governance to an automated colony management computer system, which promptly decided the most efficient thing to do was to annihilate the world.
Sources inside the Chinorr government report the computer system inherited a precarious economic situation, with the overpopulated planet running deficits on almost every resource,
Records obtained from the computer’s final log show that after several microseconds of calculation, the system concluded planetary output could be maximized quite literally by rupturing the planet’s core to allow orbital mineral harvest.
Image: Local officials were reportedly surprised at the computer’s conclusion.
The machine also concluded this outcome was the most effective way to permanently address colonists’ needs. However, in a series of frantic distress calls transmitted seconds before the planet was vaporized, locals highlighted their concern.
“Where was the public consultation on this?” one local pop was heard on video-link shouting over an approaching pyroclastic cloud, adding “my local representative will be receiving a strongly worded letter—” before the feed was abruptly cut.
Officials from Chinorr’s Bureau of Bureaucracy, who approved the computer’s auto-generated plan, released a written statement apologizing for the matter, stating it would be happy to take any further questions from the citizens of Schlurg in due course.
At present the remains of the planet are projected to produce six minerals per month indefinitely, almost 300% higher than the usual collective output of the previous three million colonists.
