The inhabitants of Blorg Prime have been left perplexed after the Raxar Despoilers, a notoriously aggressive raiding clan, abandoned an attempt to abduct pops only moments after arriving on the planet.
The Raxar initiated the surprise raid in the early hours of this morning, however withdrew after their dropships were deluged with Blorg volunteering for abduction. The raiders then reportedly released the handful of Blorg they had captured, telling them: “Sorry, we have to go, something else suddenly came up.”
Image: Raxar raiding parties rapidly withdraw on sighting the Blorg.
Raxar Warlord Ludramok issued a rare apology to the Blorg via Xenonion this afternoon, stating: “We’re really sorry. The raid on Blorg Prime sounded great, but when we got there we suddenly remembered we had this other really important thing to go to. We’d promised this other species we were going to raid them, and we didn’t want to let them down. It’s nothing against the Blorg, they hosted a great raid, honestly.”
Footage from the attack showed the ferocious Raxar troops disembarking from their ships before immediately recoiling with shock and disgust after physically sighting the multi-tendrilled Blorg, who had prepared complementary gift-baskets complete with freshly harvested fungoid cheese.
Blorg administrator Cindy Crawford voiced her disappointment at the Raxar’s sudden departure, telling Xenonion: “We were so excited for this raid. We’d been planning it all week, sending out invitations to any despoilers we could find. As soon as we picked up the Raxar hyperdrive signatures we couldn’t wait to host some new friends. My sister was so upset as she’d put a lot of effort into making a homegrown batch of fungoid cheese, but I guess we’ll save it for another time.”
Ludramok responded to this in his interview, stating with uncharacteristic claw-wringing: “The cheese looked delicious, really! It’s just our species has really bad irritable bowel syndrome, and honestly we didn’t want to risk it while being away from our homeworld.”
The Blorg have been quick to offer a further potential raiding date next week, however the Raxar have politely declined, stating the species is collectively washing its hair that day, and then probably needs to swing by the Gene Clinic to visit a sick relative.
