Tensions appeared to boil over when delegates in support of the motion saw the vote shift in their favor, at which point they began incoherently screaming “I AM THE SENATE” at each other.
Separatists Secede From Separatists
A new separatist movement on the small colony world of Jordana has declared independence from separatists who seceded the planet only hours ago from the Commonwealth of Man (CoM).
The People’s Front of Jordana (PFJ) stated it did not accept the legitimacy of the Jordana People’s Front (JPF), the original separatist faction.
With all three factions now in conflict with each other, this new separatist movement marks the galaxy’s 38th civil war this week.
“We will finally be able to self-govern in a way that reflects our true values,” PFJ representative Bryan Cohen told Xenonion, adding “we’re here for good vibes only.”
The PFJ have outlined their plan to rule using the ethos of fanatic egalitarianism and militarism, which their manifesto states is “at odds” with the JPF’s ethos of fanatic militarism and egalitarianism.
Analysts are unclear how the PFJ or JPF could resolve the situation diplomatically, given both share the planet of Jordana.
“If it comes to it we’ll have to rent a planet cracker,” Bryan continued. “We can take one small chunk of charred rock and the JPF can have another, as long as it is equally sized.”
However, insider reports suggest that discontent is growing among some PFJ members who are unhappy at the prospect of a planet cracker being used, with rumors that another separatist movement, the Front of Jordanan People (FJP) may emerge.
At the time of press Commonwealth officials could not be reached for comment, stating they were too busy dealing with the eighteen other planetary revolts ongoing across their nineteen planets.
High-Level Officials Freeze, Enter Collective Vegetative State After 27th Leader Hired
United Nations of Earth (UNE) Governor Roberto Bianconelli suddenly stopped speaking during a press conference this Friday afternoon, having become the latest high-ranking human official to enter into a vegetative state.
Bianconelli had been making his opening remarks to the UNE Congress on Earth, confirming that a new admiral had been appointed to the 5th Fleet, expanding the space-nation’s leader pool to 27.
Immediately after confirming the appointment, Bianconelli went silent. He remained unresponsive as he was escorted off-stage to polite applause.
Reports from across the UNE have confirmed all currently active human governors, scientists, admirals and generals have similarly been affected, with medical officials scrambling to explain the cause of this apparent mass catatonia.
Humanity’s Chief Researcher, Dr Cooper Johnson, was delivering a keynote speech aboard the Science Nexus while events were unfolding on Earth.
“One minute he was on stage talking about a breakthrough in Armor XVI research,” one anonymous conference attendee told Xenonion, “next he’s mumbling something about ‘leader capacity’ being exceeded while losing control of his bladder.”
An executive order, drafted by UNE President Dolores Muwanga’s staff, has called for the dismissal of the new admiral in the hope of restoring basic cognition to at least some of humanity’s leaders.
At the time of press Muwanga has reportedly not yet signed the paperwork, articulating to aides in broken English “reading…. hard” while gently drooling over the paperwork.
Upset Admiral Demands To Speak To Fleet Manager
Furious at the inability of her fleet to merge correctly, human admiral Karen Sommers contacted United Nations of Earth (UNE) High Command demanding to speak to the fleet manager.
“Is this how you treat loyal admirals?” Sommers fumed at a government representative via video link. “I’ve been commanding this fleet for years without issue. Just what sort of service is being run here exactly?”
The situation quickly deteriorated when it was explained to Sommers that her fleet had been unable to merge due to a hyperdrive incompatibility. “Unacceptable!” Sommers raged, “do you know who I am?”
Attempts to try and calm the situation only further exasperated Sommers, who then began recording the encounter on her smartphone while demanding the government representative state their full name, position and level of renown.
“I want video evidence that you are denying me access to the fleet manager!” Sommers ranted, adding “this is the UNE! I know my rights!”
The government representative responded by stating their intent to terminate the call, which Sommers decried as “an act of aggression,” before fearfully exclaiming she felt “unsafe” and shouting for help at staff nearby.
At the time of press Sommers has since called local Enforcers in a flood of tears, stating she was the victim of a targeted hate crime, and that she suspected the UNE representative was operating as part of a street gang.
Byzantine Bureaucracy Leadership Council Regulated By New Council Oversight Council
The Ethir Irenic Bureaucracy has announced the creation of an oversight council to further regulate the activity of the recently introduced Leadership Council.
Ethir officials stated the new Leadership Council Oversight Council (LCOC) was required after the government began speedily implementing sweeping national agendas while bypassing the normal approval processes usually undertaken by one or more of the several thousand regulatory committees making up the Bureau of Bureaucracy.
“The Leadership Council just suddenly mandated that every pop should have a better quality of life,” Ethir administrator Um’Kalak told Xenonion following verification of triplicate media passes. “What’s even more terrifying is that they actually enacted their proposal without as much as an E-403 pre-request form to obtain the appropriate E-404 governmental paperwork.”
The LCOC’s creation was the primary recommendation of a 950-page impact assessment, which also concluded that the democratically elected Leadership Council did not hold any legal authority without submitting paperwork that could be scrutinized and signed off by a panel of three unelected bureaucrats who only convene every second Tuesday.
“Critics have argued we need to move away from all this red tape,” Um’Kalak continued, “but we have these systems and processes in place precisely because that is what the systems and processes demand.”
Work is already underway to further strengthen the regulatory process by having the LCOC itself overseen by an additional oversight council, the Leadership Council Oversight Council Oversight Council (LCOCOC), with members to both also requiring approval from the Leadership Council Oversight Council Approvals Panel (LCOCAP) and the Leadership Council Oversight Council Approvals Panel Authorization Tribunal (LCOCAPAT).
Elderly Fallen Empire Rambling On Again About “How Good The Vassals Have It These Days”
Vassals of the Alarian Fallen Empire were preparing to politely smile and nod this Sunday as their elderly overlord embarked on yet another hour-long ramble about “how good the kids these days have it.”
“Back in our day we didn’t have any of these ‘vassal contracts,’” the elder Alarian monologued to a gaggle of visibly unenthused vassals, “you were taxed and integrated and that was that!”
The authoritarian and spiritualist Alarians are one of the galaxy’s oldest species, having parented dozens of vassals and several dozen grand-vassals over their empire’s 400-year lifespan.
“You younglings don’t even appreciate being uplifted,” the Alarian droned on. “We had to work for everything. Growing up I didn’t have envoys. I had to spend society research to find out whether my neighbors were sentient or not. Twice!”
Several vassals have expressed their growing frustration at the situation. “We come to visit every week,” vassal representative Has’Ibras told Xenonion. “And every time we get the same lecture every time about our fanatical ideologies like ‘collectivism’, whatever that is, or that we’re all delinquent crisis aspirants.”
“Our overlords and their generation had it easy,” Has’Ibras continued. “They got all the good systems with nice habitable planets for a minimal energy cost. These days all we vassals can rent are overcrowded habitats in the middle of nowhere. And they say we have it too good? I can see why we’d turn into crisis aspirants.”
At the time of writing the elder Alarian had reportedly pivoted to life before the Galactic Community, when they had to “warp” everywhere to get around.
Submissive Pleasure-Seekers Beg For Yet Another War Of Humiliation
Representatives from the pleasure-seeking Schlurm species have appealed for interested parties to declare war on them for the purposes of humiliation.
A successful attack would mark the third such humiliation war in weeks for the adventurous species, whose culture glorifies pleasure in all forms.
“It’s hard to explain,” Schlurm representative Abigghor told Xenonion, “we’re just really into being dominated right now.”
The species began experimenting with sadomasochism three months ago, following an impromptu overnight raid by marauders.
“We had never experienced anything like it,” Abigghor continued. “Deep, destructive bombardment, over and over. It was painful, but we wanted more.”
Issuing a bulletin on the Galactic Community’s informal diplomatic messaging board, the Schlurm have appealed for open-minded local empires, specifying a preference for slaver guilds with access to “as many whips, chains and shackles” as possible.
The behavior has concerned neighboring species. “It’s perverse and dangerous,” Yondarim representative Plume of Teal told Xenonion. “Clearly they are in need of some corrective discipline.”
“Yes, discipline us, please.” Abbighor responded emphatically. “Let me also reassure any concerned parties that safety is our priority. If things get too heated, we use our safety word - ‘White Peace.’ It’s fool-proof.”
While the Schlurm have yet to receive a formal response to their request, the XT-489 Determined Exterminators have reportedly stated they are “down for experimenting.”
Frazzled Envoy Would Like More Than Five Goddamn Seconds To Work On An Assignment Please
Following yet another abrupt and unplanned change in diplomatic assignment, T’Valdra envoy Morak Pak has warned his superiors that if it were possible for him to quit his job, he would.
The overworked diplomat has been shunted across the galaxy thirty-eight times in his short career, and was overheard begging central government officials for, quote, “just one tiny morsel of goddamn continuity.”
Pak was reportedly close to finalizing complex negotiations which would have secured peace in the Outer Rim for generations, before being hastily redeployed to insult a foreign-looking species nearly 10,000 light years away.
“I’ve just had it with this,” a haggard-looking Pak told Xenonion while dragging on a cigarette. “One minute I’m negotiating a trade deal with the Blood Cartel and the next I’m suddenly expected to decipher an entire goddamn alien alphabet for a first contact as if I have any sort of formal training in xeno linguistics!”
“Do you know I don’t even get travel expenses for this sh*t?” Pak continued, producing pictures showing him moonlighting as an air steward aboard a colony ship to cover galactic transit costs.
Pak described how he felt “trapped” by his lifetime employment contract, stating his only options were to hope for an appointment to the Galactic Community with its generous 10 year recesses, or death.
“I miss my wife and three younglings dearly,” Pak added wistfully. “There’s surely some sort of notification system in place that they would know when I die, right?”
At the time of press, the T’Valdra government has requested all information held by Xenonion on Pak be destroyed, as it may jeopardize his new role as a spy within the Blood Cartel’s ranks.
Galactic Senate Puts Aside Differences For The Good Of Private Mercenary Contractors
In a rare show of cross-Senate consensus, the Corporate Peacekeeping Bill passed with near universal support of all space-nations this Sunday.
The legislation, which outlaws warfare without the use of private defense contractors, has been described by officials as one of “critical importance” to galactic security and well-being.
The bill was rushed through an emergency hearing of the Senate, taking priority over other long-languishing bills like ‘Ban Organic Slave Trade’ and ‘Galactic Focus: Unbidden.’
“In retrospect our petty differences seem irrelevant,” spiritualist Ib’Na told Xenonion, “endlessly debating why organic life is sacred pales in comparison to giving private military contractors the trillions of energy credits in funding they deserve.”
Militarist Hask’Talor agreed, adding “the public have made it clear they want pan-galactic welfare reform and infrastructure investment, and I’m happy to empower private corporations to do just that.”
Critics have highlighted the large number of dividends that backers of the bill receive from private enclaves, however a number of Senators have rejected this claim.
“The bill literally has peace in the name,” pacifist Fronds of Teal stated at a press conference earlier today. “Are you against peace? Because I’m not.”
Egalitarian Emily Rossi shared a similar sentiment, telling the Automated Press (AP) “the only thing that can stop bad guys armed with government-sponsored mercenary fleets is good guys armed with government-sponsored mercenary fleets.”
At the time of press the Galactic Senate is also considering extending defense privatization powers to allow enclaves to vote in proceedings, and ultimately be nominated as Galactic Custodians.
Dessanu Consonance: “We Did Not Have Technological Relations With Those Nanites”
Officials from the Dessanu Consonance have vigorously denied inappropriate relations with nanites at a press conference this Thursday.
Twelve members of the Dessanu delegation delivered an empassioned speech, stating in unison: “We want to say one thing to the galaxy, and we want you to listen to us. We did not have technological relations with those nanites.”
Raising their tendrils in synchronized defiance, they continued: “The allegations that we are not organic are false. We never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. Thank you.”
The officials declined to take any questions from reporters, signaling the end of the press conference by emitting a violent shriek before melting away into a rapidly vibrating grey blob.
Speculation has swirled that the Dessanu may have had inappropriate liaisons with nanites after dried traces of the microscopic machines were found on a number of L-Gates across the cluster.
Political analysts such as Seeir Gama have also noted the Dessanu’s general defensiveness regarding nanites. Gama told Xenonion, “I think it’s pretty telling that they’ve just personally declared war on me for even agreeing to this interview.”
The reaction from across the galaxy has been mixed.
Ilmas Var, speaking for the Voor Technocracy, warned such “technological improprieties” could not be tolerated and requested the Dessanu immediately turn over any related research for “safekeeping purposes.”
Gucci Churchill, an admiral for the Blorg Commonality currently leading an invasion fleet in the L-Cluster stated: “We would like to reassure the Dessanu that ours is an enduring friendship. That was true yesterday. That is not true today. And it will be true tomorrow.”
At the time of press a number of space-nations have imposed travel restrictions to and from the L-Cluster until all ‘contaminated’ L-Gates have received a thorough washdown.
Ancient Empire Falls, Can’t Get Up
The ancient Hathgum Empire has collapsed, and according to sources close to the administration, is struggling to get back up.
Reports indicate the government was toppled in the early hours of yesterday morning, when leadership struggled to mobilize military forces for an emergency evacuation mission.
The crisis is the latest in a series of problems facing the millenia-old space-nation, which has been beset in recent decades by scientific decline, economic lethargy and diplomatic reclusiveness.
Hathgum officials declined to speak to Xenonion, but did issue a press release, stating they were “fine,” adding the space-nation had experienced a “wobble” but “no major institutions were broken.”
Despite these reassurances, reporters on the scene painted a picture of chaos, with leaders repeatedly trying, and failing, to get the government back on its feet.
The fall of the administration now leads to an uncomfortable period of uncertainty, with concerns that distant vassals or neighboring space-nations may need to be called for help.
“Officials will be worried about the optics of doing that,” political analyst Irb’Na told Xenonion, “even though things are quite literally upside down at the moment.”
Irb’Na warned that vassals may insist on the Hathgum migrating closer to other Fallen Empires, forming what he described as “the galaxy’s assisted-living cluster.”
At the time of press, Hathgum officials report they have managed to get one arm of government fully operational, and are hopeful this can be used to stabilize their position.
Area Empire At Peak Of Power Just Waiting Around A Few More Years To See If Anything Interesting Happens
Having reached a technological and cultural zenith, officials from the Lokken Mechanists have confirmed the space-nation will wait around a few more years to see if anything interesting happens before it abruptly vanishes from the galactic stage.
The Lokken have long dominated their local cluster, outpacing neighboring space-nations in science output and military prowess for several decades.
However, sources close to the government suggest the Lokken were not expecting their rise to power to be so straightforward, and report leaders are now itching for a challenge.
“Sure, it was mildly titillating to steamroll our rivals in the early era of space exploration,” Lokken official Maxerdok told Xenonion, “but it was assumed we would have faced some exciting existential galactic crises by now.”
Maxerdok described how government officials have failed to precipitate any major crises despite earnest attempts to agitate local marauders and Fallen Empires.
“We’re running out of options here,” Maxerdok continued. “Our last hope is unlocking the secrets of old Vultaum research. The ancient texts refer to something called a ‘console command’ which can apparently control the framework of the universe itself. Wouldn’t altering that be exciting?”
Shares in planetary shield technologies have risen on the news.
UNExit: Fears Christmas Dinner Under Threat As UK Faces Feral Cat Shortage
Surviving inhabitants of what remains of the United Kingdom (UK) claim they have been unable to barter for essential food in the past two weeks, as the country’s supply chain woes continue.
Pictures of crumbling supermarkets showed empty shelves stripped bare of usual rations like soup fortified with sawdust and non-irradiated cockroach meal deals.
A survey of the few available literate consumers revealed that two thirds of shoppers were “very worried” about shortages of traditional feral cat carcasses in the run-up to Christmas.
“It’s the only time of year we eat any proper meat,” wasteland peasant John Smith told UNENN. “I don’t want to have to disappoint the kids again with another grub-based festive dinner.”
Image: Empty shelves are now a common sight in those supermarkets which remain structurally intact.
Industry warlords state the crisis has been driven by the UK’s decision to abruptly exit the planet’s supra-national political union, the United Nations of Earth (UNE).
The country’s two surviving government officials have dismissed this, stating the move was needed to conclude ‘UNExit’ after a 239-year delay in implementing the results of the contentious 2016 public referendum on the matter.
Officials have additionally called on the public to stop panic-bartering, pledging to issue temporary work visas to roaming bands of barbarians to ensure feral cat farms remain fully operational during the winter period.
The crisis is the latest in a series of supply chain issues now plaguing the remnants of the UK, which is also facing shortages of electricity, navigable roads and workers free from scurvy.
“I think this winter is going to be very tough indeed,” Smith concluded, “but feral cat roast or not, at least we have our sovereignty.”
Galactic Senate Urgently Recalled To Debate Emergency Minor Administrative Sanctions Bill For Fifteenth Time
The Galactic Senate has been recalled from recess almost five years early to once again urgently debate the recently re-proposed Minor Administrative Sanctions Bill.
The measure, which has already been implemented and rescinded by the Senate fifteen times in recent years, was brought to the chamber floor yesterday on an emergency basis by the Repsar Imperium.
Repsar officials stated the expedited proposal was needed due to immediate security concerns that anyone, anywhere in the galaxy, could at some time be in breach of galactic law.
“The gravity of this situation is self-explanatory,” Repsar representative Pob’Tirin told Xenonion, “we need to act quickly to ensure that if any xeno breaches galactic law, they will be swiftly dealt a small educational pamphlet on the matter.”
Members of the Galactic Council met late on Wednesday to discuss the critical vote, which has now taken priority over more routine matters such as pan-galactic attempts to ban slavery or shore up defences against the ongoing Unbidden invasion.
A number of Senators have stated they will boycott proceedings on the basis that the Senate has never actually voted any other law into existence which could be breached due to perpetually being tied up in deliberations about sanctions.
A representative for the Council reassured Xenonion that the organization was committed to introducing a diverse array of legislation, highlighting plans to expand the current roster of proposals to include economic, research and military sanctions.
Marauder Fleet Blows Through Otherwise Impenetrable Space Border
Xanid officials confirmed this Thursday that a flotilla from the nearby Onotach Marauders flew directly through what had otherwise been an entirely impenetrable space border.
The highly isolationist Xanid closed their borders to neighbouring empires centuries ago, and this incursion represents the first time a foreign ship has managed to successfully enter their territory in recorded history.
Image: Admiral Zaox watches the Marauder fleet casually cruise by his heavily fortified Citadel.
“It just doesn’t make any sense,” admiral Zaox told Xenonion, “our several thousand light year long open space border has always been so secure, I can’t fathom how they slipped through so easily.”
At the time of press the Marauder fleet has continued onward through Xanid territory, passing by their homeworld without incident, before making a sharp left turn at Hyperlane I-58 towards an unknown region of space.
Xanid officials have described the move as “brazen,” and in response have doubled the number of border patrol corvettes to two, and purchased rights for the construction of a 366 trillion kilometer spacewall.
An unnamed representative from the Marauders declined Xenonion’s request for a statement, opting instead to make a hysterical shrieking noise roughly translated as “HYEEEIEEEE!”
Shares in FTL inhibitors have risen on the news.
Area Xenophile Thoughtfully Issues Insult With Gift-Wrapped Box Of Chocolates
The Commonwealth of Man’s Foreign Ministry has summoned the Blorg Commonality’s chief envoy to demand an explanation for an insult issued by the xenophilic species, which was delivered earlier today on a beautifully decorated card alongside a selection box of decadent artisanal chocolates.
“The words of the Blorg are outrageous and must be withdrawn,” Commonwealth Foreign Minister Jackson St. Pomeroy demanded at a press conference this afternoon, before pausing proceedings to browse through the chocolate box’s extensive selection of ganache-filled truffles.
The insult, which reportedly took weeks to construct following consultation with some of the Blorg’s most esteemed poet laureates, was issued in direct response to Commonwealth encroachment on Commonality borders.
It read, in intricate cursive flagella-writing: “Ludicrous bare-apes! Your attempts to hide your repulsive secretions are mocked by all finer species and your vanity is the hallmark of an inherently ugly breed. Warmest regards, the Blorg.”
The Blorg Foreign Affairs Department has stated the insult was entirely justified, and confirmed that more insults are planned, with a spokexeno for the Commonality telling Xenonion that a bulk order for scented insult cards has already been placed.
Commonwealth officials have rejected the Blorg accusations of expansionism, but somewhat unusually have welcomed further insults, going as far as to publish a distribution list of high-ranking government officials who would like to receive personalized insult cards, alongside information on allergies and dietary preferences.
Diplomats Put Rare Crystal Surplus To Good Use With Beautiful New Bejewelled Embassy
Seeking to reassure government officials that rare crystal investments are being spent responsibly, diplomats from the Kingdom of Yondarim have unveiled a brand new bejewelled Grand Embassy Complex constructed entirely from the luxury material.
Speaking at the Embassy’s glistening new quartz-lined media room, Chief Envoy Laktras stressed the importance of transparency, not only in the quality of the stained rare crystal wall-length windows, but also the financial activity of the diplomatic corps.
“We need to be open and honest that this funding is being used appropriately,” Laktras stated, while delivering a keynote presentation refracted through what is believed to be the galaxy’s first ever rare crystal projector.
Image: Laktras touts the benefits of the new Embassy complex during his press presentation.
“We are committed to quality,” Laktras continued, “whether that involves training top rate diplomats, or installing toilets in our embassy made entirely from rare crystals, with complementary rare crystal plumbing and toilet roll.”
Laktras declined to answer any questions on the exact cost of the new Embassy, opting instead to model his glistening new crystalline robe for members of the press with an impromptu catwalk.
The new Grand Embassy Complex is expected to formally open in early 2256, following the installation of a rare crystal sprinkler system for fire suppression.
Protectorate Goes On To Have Little Protectorates Of Its Own
The Scyldari Confederacy confirmed this Sunday that one of its recently released protectorates has gone on to oversee two small protectorates of its own.
“I just can’t believe it,” a clearly emotional Scyldari leader Dackam told Xenonion, “they grow up so fast.”
The Palitine protectorate was cleaved from Scyldari territory eighteen years ago, when the peripheral sector was granted increased autonomy.
“Our borders haven’t been the same since we popped it out,” Dackam joked.
Image: Dackam recalls a time when Scyldari borders were much more taut.
The Scyldari oversaw the fledgling protectorate take its first independent spaceflight, and issue its first insult to a foreign species.
However, in recent years the relationship between the two has become increasingly turbulent, prompting the Scyldari to formally release the Palitine earlier this year.
“It’s funny how quickly they go from a cute little one system minor to a bratty teenage space-nation demanding an allowance of 100 energy credits per month,” Dackam continued.
Scyldari officials were reportedly surprised to learn the Palitine had formed protectorates of its own, having long warned the region against undertaking this owing to its age, unfederated status and lack of stable energy income.
“I suppose in retrospect we maybe should have done more to crack down on the Palitine sending out those unsolicited vassalization demands,” Dackam concluded. “But perhaps now they’ll finally learn something about taking responsibility.”
Representatives from the Palitine declined to comment, stating they’d been up all night trying to settle the repeated migration treaty requests from their two new protectorates.
Original article idea by @richithunder
Area Empire Self-Conscious About Diplomatic Weight After Binge Integration
Officials from the Hazbuzan Syndicate stated this Monday that they are becoming increasingly self-conscious about the space-nation’s ballooning diplomatic weight.
Sources close to the Syndicate state feelings of insecurity intensified following a year-long integration binge of multiple population-dense protectorates.
“I just know everyone is looking at us when we enter the Galactic Community,” Interior Minister Dorbax told Xenonion, “we just want to exercise our diplomatic power without judgement.”
Image: The Hazbuzan first became aware of the issue through an educational poster.
Dorbax stated following the integration, government officials felt so guilty they considered spinning off the newly absorbed territory into vassal states, but wavered over concerns they would simply be re-integrated again.
Experts have warned the Hazbuzan’s rapidly growing diplomatic weight is unhealthy, and likely to lead to serious longer term issues such as hyper-administrativeaemia or hyper-extension.
At the time of press the Syndicate states it is optimistic it will be able to achieve rapid diplomatic weight loss with a new catabolic program based entirely on planet crackers.
Empire Just Completely Abandons Planetary Naming Convention After Hitting 37 Colonies
Citing increasing frustration over an ever-expanding roster of new colonies, officials from the Commonwealth of Man have reportedly just completely given up on trying to follow any coherent planetary naming strategy.
“There’s just too many new worlds”, Internal Affairs Minister Herman Beauclair concluded during a departmental brainstorming session, “we’ve already used up all the thematically good names.”
Producing a diagram of local star systems, he pointed out the aesthetically pleasing and consistently suffixed core worlds of Hyperion, Astrion, Nexion and Iridion.
“When we began expanding into the mid-rim we compensated by naming the worlds after their system and just adding ‘Prime’ to the end of it”, he continued. “But there’s only so many times you can pass by Gaea Prime without a crushing sense of disappointment.”
Image: Commonwealth Minister Herman Beauclair has been struggling to establish a consistent naming system.
Diplomats from neighbouring empires have pledged to aid the crisis, offering their own solutions such as prefixing planets with ‘Vi’, ‘Ad’ or ‘Nos’ to add contextual flavour.
“Alternatively they could just follow our fairly solid plan of completely ignoring copyright”, Governor Trelix of the Trantor-Krypton-Dagobah tri-planet area told Xenonion.
At the time of press, Commonwealth officials stated they are considering implementing a new system which would see planets simply named after their primary function. Residents of the trial worlds ‘Techybois 5’ and ‘Generator Districts Go Brrr’ have expressed their disapproval.
Article idea by @Kennedy (Discord)