There were muted celebrations yesterday as diplomats from several staunchly xenophobic empires came together, while standing as far apart as possible, to mark the formation of a new federation dedicated to their shared values of mutual loathing.
The ‘Purity Union’, spearheaded by the Xanid Suzerainty, includes other notoriously belligerent space-nations like the Graparx Stalkers, Basidrix Eccelsia and Commonwealth of Man.
Speaking to an audience of visibly disgusted federation delegates, Xanid president Huketkin reaffirmed his view that every non-Xanid was a “repugnant mistake of evolution that should be eradicated” but added there was “a clear strategic benefit in cooperating to wipe each other out more efficiency.”
Image: Federation President Huketkin’s announcement was met with a mix of awkward nodding, glares of resentment, and one envoy dry-heaving into a ceremonial bucket.
To commemorate the occasion, the Purity Union held a grand military parade, which promptly descended into chaos when each fleet mistook their allies' ships for incoming alien hordes and opened fire. Huketkin later declared the significant loss of federation naval power as a “successful first step in showing what can be achieved when we pool our deeply ingrained paranoia together.”
The first formal federation meeting is scheduled for next week, although already faces challenges with envoys refusing to speak in any language but their own or eat food not exclusively prepared by their own species. The Graparx are also protesting a “disproportionate” ban on bringing flamethrowers to “cleanse xeno scum” during upcoming diplomatic engagements.
Political analysts warn that the Purity Union risks collapse within months unless an even more nauseating federation of alien xenophiles emerges, which may focus the xenophobes’ attention elsewhere for a short period of time.
At the time of press Xenonion remains awaiting confirmation on its request for associate status with the Purity Union.
