Vassals of the Alarian Fallen Empire were preparing to politely smile and nod this Sunday as their elderly overlord embarked on yet another hour-long ramble about “how good the kids these days have it.”

“Back in our day we didn’t have any of these ‘vassal contracts,’” the elder Alarian monologued to a gaggle of visibly unenthused vassals, “you were taxed and integrated and that was that!”

The authoritarian and spiritualist Alarians are one of the galaxy’s oldest species, having parented dozens of vassals and several dozen grand-vassals over their empire’s 400-year lifespan.

“You younglings don’t even appreciate being uplifted,” the Alarian droned on. “We had to work for everything. Growing up I didn’t have envoys. I had to spend society research to find out whether my neighbors were sentient or not. Twice!”

Several vassals have expressed their growing frustration at the situation. “We come to visit every week,” vassal representative Has’Ibras told Xenonion. “And every time we get the same lecture every time about our fanatical ideologies like ‘collectivism’, whatever that is, or that we’re all delinquent crisis aspirants.”

“Our overlords and their generation had it easy,” Has’Ibras continued. “They got all the good systems with nice habitable planets for a minimal energy cost. These days all we vassals can rent are overcrowded habitats in the middle of nowhere. And they say we have it too good? I can see why we’d turn into crisis aspirants.”

At the time of writing the elder Alarian had reportedly pivoted to life before the Galactic Community, when they had to “warp” everywhere to get around.