Citing increasing frustration over an ever-expanding roster of new colonies, officials from the Commonwealth of Man have reportedly just completely given up on trying to follow any coherent planetary naming strategy.

“There’s just too many new worlds”, Internal Affairs Minister Herman Beauclair concluded during a departmental brainstorming session, “we’ve already used up all the thematically good names.”

Producing a diagram of local star systems, he pointed out the aesthetically pleasing and consistently suffixed core worlds of Hyperion, Astrion, Nexion and Iridion.

“When we began expanding into the mid-rim we compensated by naming the worlds after their system and just adding ‘Prime’ to the end of it”, he continued. “But there’s only so many times you can pass by Gaea Prime without a crushing sense of disappointment.”

*Image: Commonwealth Minister Herman Beauclair has been struggling to establish a consistent naming system.*

Diplomats from neighbouring empires have pledged to aid the crisis, offering their own solutions such as prefixing planets with ‘Vi’, ‘Ad’ or ‘Nos’ to add contextual flavour.

“Alternatively they could just follow our fairly solid plan of completely ignoring copyright”, Governor Trelix of the Trantor-Krypton-Dagobah tri-planet area told Xenonion.

At the time of press, Commonwealth officials stated they are considering implementing a new system which would see planets simply named after their primary function. Residents of the trial worlds ‘Techybois 5’ and ‘Generator Districts Go Brrr’ have expressed their disapproval.

Article idea by @Kennedy (Discord)