Hask’Birim, the Tzynn governor of Na’Garu, announced a new plan today to expand her planet’s entertainment infrastructure to address citizens’ complaints about the planet’s air pollution, rated second worst in the galaxy according to the Galactic Fact Office (GtFO).
“Citizens, we have heard your complaints!” Hask’Birim told Xenonion earlier today. “You have Too few amenities! Well, worry no longer - in the next fiscal year, we plan to upgrade our Holo Theaters into all-encompassing Hyper Entertainment Forums, to keep the ungrateful masses content- I mean, to keep the citizens healthy and happy.”
The new plan would cost 500 minerals and 50 exotic gases, while creating several high paying entertainer jobs, such as artists, musicians, retail workers, and video game developers.
“It’s a sound decision. It turns out entertainers are twice as efficient as medical workers at producing amenities.” Tzynn economist Hask’Valgam Mezak told Xenonion. “Plus, it means they can relocate unemployed upper class members, like the university professors who got laid off on Pan’Dassak, into these upper class entertainment jobs without a happiness penalty.”
A local pop on Na’Garu, Torba’Murok, who works in a chemical factory, spoke of his difficulties to Xenonion: “There are no hospitals on the planet, so I can’t get any treatment for my allergies, asthma, bronchitis, and lung cancer. In fact, my entire extended family has allergies, asthma, bronchitis, and lung cancer. Actually wait, do I know anyone that doesn’t have them?”
Despite his health issues and decreased life expectancy, Torba’Murok also stated that he was excited for the new entertainment facilities currently breaking ground in his neighborhood. He added, while violently coughing up blood; “Going out to see Air-man movies is a welcome escape from breathing in carcinogens all the time. Have you heard of it? So the idea is that Air-man inhales radioactive air and gains the powers of air pollution, it’s pretty original.”
Governor Hask’Birim was last seen heading toward the neighboring Pelisimus Caretakers, which has universal healthcare and fully upgraded hospitals, to treat her allergies, asthma, bronchitis, and lung cancer.
