Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System
The Galactic UN has issued a bulletin reminding the stellar expanse that 'Hyperlane Switch Day' on February 22nd is approaching.
The date is when the galaxy is set to formally adopt hyperlanes as the primary mode of interstellar transport, and is expected to trigger major upheaval as empires reconsider how they view transit, political influence and warfare.
The switch has been in development for a number of months and is hoped to be a definitive solution to the galaxy's crumbling transport infrastructure, as Galactic UN spokesperson Mn'O'Rel told our newsteam;
"We are no longer the transit envy of the multiverse. Over time, the number of empires, ships and fleets in our galaxy has expanded exponentially, but transport options have not. Hyperlane routes are clogged. Wormhole stations are in disrepair. Warp drives are contributing to galactic warming. And we couldn't invest in any of them properly as our resources were being split among all of them. We needed to do something radical to solve our transport woes. Our first idea - planet destroying superweapons - was stolen by the Galactic Security Council, so our next plan was to pick one form of transport and just dump all of our resources into it."
Image: The Galactic UN has begun distributing leaflets in preparation for the universal switch to hyperlanes.
As per the Galactic UN's 3,477-page report on interstellar transport, 'So You've Got Nothing Else to Read', hyperlanes were chosen as they offered speedy point-to-point access, energy-free maintenance and natural chokeholds giving perfect locations to build space-tolls.
Warp drives were also seriously considered for universal adoption, but discounted after the Public Institute for Space Health (PISH) discovered compelling evidence that prolonged use can lead to long term health problems, including Genital Warps in organic species, and data corruption in synthetics.
Image: The view most galactic transport users will likely experience when they engage their FTL
Artificial wormhole stations will be dismantled, although pre-existing natural wormhole routes will remain operational.
Other more advanced forms of transport, including Jump Drives and Psi-Drives, will remain available to technologically advanced nations, but use will now be taxed directly to the Galactic UN's Department of Licensing for Conveyance (DLC).
The Council of Overseers, a loose association of militarist empires, have long called for the abolition of non-hyperlane transit. Avian spokesperson C’luck told our newsdesk:
“We have been pushing for this since the collapse of the previous Galactic UN. Do you have any idea how annoying it is to have a near-invulnerable hyperlane fleet but not actually get to use it on invading a smaller neighbour because you have to spend your whole time chasing their six wormhole-enabled corvettes around the local cluster? Or when you perfectly position a defensive platform in what's clearly the only hyperlane entrance to your empire, just for some warp-drive whippersnapper to whizz around it?”
Critics have argued militarist empires have pushed for hyperlane-only transit to provide a more suitable galactic terrain for warfare. Guff, leader of a one-planet spacenation with six wormhole enabled corvettes told us:
“Lols the Overseers are just rage quitting because we wormhole jumped one system over their fleet and destroyed a colony ship.”
The Galactic UN were unable to be reached to give a comment on the situation. We think. We didn’t try.
> More accurate reporting from Siitharian Collective Drone 96 could not be possible.
> More accurate editing from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.