The increasingly isolationist and erratic human breakaway spacenation The Commonwealth of Man (CoM) has announced it is rebranding itself as the ‘Imperium of Man.’
Addressing an audience of indoctrinated subjects, self-styled ‘Empress’ Sidney Beauclair announced:
"The Commonwealth has bought glory and bounty upon us, but the name does not reflect our people’s destiny as the infinite masters of this galaxy. We must make it clear that we are humanity’s only true way forward, not the abhumans of the United Nations of Earth, twisted children who have lost their way from the righteous path. We are the Imperium of Man. A human interstellar empire that will span millennia … Also, the name just sounds super freaking cool, am I right?"
Image: Empress Beauclair unveils the Commonwealth’s kick-ass rebrand.
The CoM has long struggled to project an image of credibility in the galaxy due its permissive attitude towards slavery and purging, especially of xenos. However, since the rebrand, U-Poll metrics suggest the general public have a much more favourable response to these policies. SpaceTime magazine went as far to describe the name-change as “totally epic… Beauclair could literally destroy the galaxy and we’d be rooting for it.”
Despite this, the Galactic UN’s Bureau of Bureaucracy, which oversees all formal name changes, has warned that the CoM’s request to change its name may be delayed after they received an extra-dimensional cease and desist order from another, reportedly older Imperium of Man. The order read as follows:
"Congratulations on your humanoid species changing its name to the Imperium of Man. It does sound really cool. We should know, given we invented it. You know what’s not cool? When when you discover 205,101 other humanoid species in 105,101 parallel universes have also named themselves Imperium of Man. The High Lords of Terra, on behalf of our God-Emperor of the original Imperium of Man, demand the Commonwealth reverts to its original name. If it wishes to continue using our brand, copyright charges are billable to the Adeptus Terra Copyright Department."
At present the cost of the copyright infringement and legal fees are estimated to require the sacrifice of 20,000 female humanoid citizens into the Wantamis Black Hole, where the legal message originated from.
Empress Beauclair has yet to respond.
