Fledgling Empire With Influence Deficit Resolves To “Simply Make More”
The Keth Cooperative has announced ambitious plans to combat its influence deficit by “simply making more.”
Announcing the policy while touring a local factory, leader Garbex stated he was confident the Keth manufacturing sector would be up to the task, telling press: “as soon as our scientists figure out exactly what this influence thing is made of, we’re going to mass produce it on a scale that’s never been seen before.”
The fledgling space-nation has struggled to maintain influence output in recent years following a series of system claims and edict initiatives.
Garbex has since unveiled a sweeping plan to shutter all existing alloy foundries and consumer goods factories, and retrofit their assembly lines to produce influence in “whatever form it takes.”
Image: Keth leader Garbex announces his manufacturing plan in front of a mock influence assembly line.
The move has been strongly criticized by opposition parties. Traglec, leader of the Prosperity Faction, told local media: “I have no doubt this is going to end in failure, just like when the government started handwriting ‘10,000 influence’ on scraps of official paper and tried to pass it off as legitimate currency.”
He went on to list other failed initiatives, including extensive hydraulic fracking in search of so-called ‘influence wells’ and the mass conversion of food crops to grow experimental and nutritionally deplete ‘influence wheat.’
Economists have also warned that the proposal is likely to cause significant economic disruption. Forexod, a spokesxeno from the Galactic Central Bank stated: “This is a serious concern. We’ve already seen significant economic depression in the region following the Keth government’s ill-thought out plan last month to make everyone in the empire a social media influencer in the hope that would somehow generate influence.”
Garbex has since dismissed these claims, telling Xenonion earlier today: “Don’t worry, we’ll figure it out. My scientific advisors tell me they’ve uncovered something called a ‘console command’ which might allow us to effectively print off more influence. By the way, have you followed me on Instagram? I have a special offer exclusive to my followers that you might be interested in…”
Article idea via @ScreechBot
