Diplomats from the Free Tarassi State admitted this Thursday that, in retrospect, they should have actually read the Terms and Conditions associated with joining a hegemonic federation before blithely agreeing to it.
It was only after accepting the membership request from the authoritarian Terrex Imperium that the Tarassi formally reviewed the associated 500 million pages of legal text.
Government officials were reportedly horrified to learn that they had enrolled themselves into a permanent and legally binding contract with the Terrex, who have presided over the federation since its inception earlier this year.
Tarassi government spokesperson Jargim del Telnik told Xenonion: “At first, we were really pleased about the offer to join the Greater Terrex Prosperity Co-Sphere. I must admit, the request did strike us as somewhat odd coming from the Terrex, given their flair for unjustified wars, indiscriminate orbital bombardment and mass enslavement. However, we’re trustworthy by trait and federation builders by outlook, so it would have been rude to turn them down.”
Jargim went on to describe how it took almost three months and a complex rotation of five hundred interns working continuously to print the document.
Xenonion was able to secure a copy of the document and independently verify that it weighs equivalent to a small commuter Corvette, and also includes a number of sweeping rules, such as:
Section 11.5391.53a: “Members cannot leave the Federation without the Federation President’s express approval.”
Section 11.5391.53b: “If members still wish to leave the Federation, they are directed to challenge the Federation to a Trial by War. If this is successful, Federation exit can be approved.”
Section 17.1052.05: “Members must contribute a minimum 10% of Fleet Cap to the Federation President. This number is subject to change.”
Image: The Federation Membership Terms and Conditions received by the Terassi.
Multiple Tarassi requests to leave the Co-Sphere have all since been flatly rejected by lawyers for the Terrex Imperium, who have redirected the government to the above subsections of the Terms and Conditions.
Jargim added: “We initially thought we could wait things out and bide our time until leadership rotation, but of course this isn’t a standard federation. It turns out we can only assume the presidency if we defeat the current Terrex leader in a psionic duel… and we’re not a psionic species. Apparently that was in the T&S too.”
The Terrex have declined to comment on the above, stating they are otherwise preoccupied with developing technology that would allow the highly dense Terms and Conditions document to be weaponized for planetary bombardment.
*This article was paid for by Paradox Interactive.