Powerful cell revitalization technology that can reverse the aging process is “entirely safe”, a panel of leading infant scientists have stated.
In a major report on the procedure, a pan-galactic commission of toddler biologists said the novel DNA therapy could not only correct genetic faults, but also “turn back the biological clock.”
“I’ve tried it myself and honestly, the effects have been negligible” preschooler Dr Bairn told Xenonion while softly drooling onto his crumpled, over-sized lab coat. “The science is clearly ready for clinical application.”
Image: The highly anticipated report had a number of sensitive areas redacted with a novel combination of crayon and paint.
Fellow tot Dr Tyke agreed, stating there had been “rigorous safety testing”, before promptly bursting into a string of incoherent babbles and soiling herself.
Only one scientist in the group dissented, with Dr Bambino warning the technology could cause “unforeseen consequences.” He was was quickly dismissed by his colleagues as a “cranky poopyhead” who had “clearly missed naptime.”
The Galactic Community’s Science Nexus Board stated it was closely following developments, expressing particular interest in the newly discovered peek-a-boo technique, which may have applicability in teaching admirals about object permanence.
A further report on cell revitalization is expected in roughly two to four years, once the toddlers re-learn how to read and write.
