Construction on Sol’s new transit hub is nearing completion, with officials announcing that New York’s LaGuardia Airport has been successfully excavated and towed into Earth’s orbit.
Consistently voted the planet’s worst airport by passenger satisfaction, engineering officials were quick to identify its suitability for being moved into space.
“We had thought about building a brand new transit hub,” project engineer Brian Walker told local media, “but then came the realization that we already had a monolithic concrete and windowless structure right on our doorstep!”
Officials were also reportedly impressed by the airport’s ability to function at low oxygen levels, with passengers frequently crammed into small spaces far beyond recommended capacity for prolonged periods of time.
Walker continued: “It works out well for everyone. We get a free spaceport and New York gets a giant crater that’s tripled nearby land value since LaGuardia was gouged out.”
The airport has remained entirely operational throughout the move, with domestic flights continuing to experience delays of up to three weeks, and passengers reporting no noticeable differences in journeys.
Kelly Kuzina, an Ulm native attempting to travel home, told local media: “I suppose it’s a bit weird to hear we’re in space, but honestly my priority right now is sourcing sustenance. I’m running out of viable organs to pay for a food court meal deal.”
Mario Msibi, a check-in desk attendant, added: “I’ve found the move great. It’s so much quicker for me to get home from work now with the bimonthly planetary shuttle.”
LaGuardia is due to accept trans-galatic spaceflights from early next year. It is also hoped the hub will serve as a deterrent to any hostile aliens, with officials reminding neighboring species they can hurl LaGuardia at populated planets “any time they want.”
