Primitive Species Assigns Hulking Brute To Research Pointy Sticks Technology
Mammalian primitives on the planet of Goxesh have assigned an unnamed brute to the newly created role of science and technology director, as the species look to advance work on novel technologies like fire and pointy sticks.
Announcing the news from the species’ governmental bush, an unclothed and bedraggled Goxeshi official vocalized a series of unintelligible grunts, alongside crude hand gestures which were later translated as requests for additional food and fertile mates.
The Scyldari Confederacy, which is monitoring the primitives covertly via an orbital observation platform, has welcomed the news.
“I can’t think of anyone more suited to the role,” observation post director Dr Xiresh told Xenonion. “No, but seriously - I actually can’t think of anyone else. That beast has beaten every other potentially intelligent contender into a bloody pulp because it viewed them as a threat.”
Dr Xiresh is optimistic that the brute’s experience with unfettered violence will allow the species to quickly establish the merits of combining pointy things and vital organs.
“Our study also provides a boon to our own science output,” Dr Xiresh continued. “I can’t quite explain how, but watching several hours of Goxeshi mating rituals has contributed immeasurably to our current work on particle acceleration.”
It is widely anticipated that the primitives will develop Fire I technology by Q3 2257, followed rapidly by ‘Emergent Need For Water IV’ and ‘Screaming In Pain III’ breakthroughs.
