Every alternate dimension contains some variant on edgy xenophobic humans, new research has found.
The discovery was made after United Nations of Earth (UNE) researchers perfected wormhole stabilization technology, allowing expedition teams to be sent into parallel universes.
The analysis, undertaken by the UNE’s Science Nexus in Barnard’s Star, was published last week in the prestigious Reddit Peer Reviewed Journal of Science.
“It’s been astounding to discover that not only do humans exist in every single alternate universe,” lead research Dr. Robert Gillyman told Xenonion, “but that every single one were some form of xenophobic militarists structured around worshiping some almighty god-emperor type guy.”
Image: Dr. Gillyman aboard the UNE’s Science Nexus.
The study highlighted that of the thousands of alternate universes identified, over 95% of human space-nations had ‘Imperium’, ‘Empire’, ‘Dominion’ or ‘Commonwealth’ in their name, with nearly 5% utilizing all of the above at once.
Dr. Gillyman commented: “I can now understand why the original ‘Imperium of Man’ from Universe #40000 has been filing copyright claims left, right and center after it was able to reverse engineer our wormhole technology.”
Researchers did uncover a number of unique non-xenophobic human empires, including a cowboy civilization, inwardly meditative isolationists and a science directorate, but as Dr. Gillyman explained: “Every time we dispatched a team to investigate, the target civilization would invariably rally against us as a perceived alien threat and - boom - xenophobic inquisition. And to think we used to say no-one expects a xenophobic inquisition…”
Dr. Gillyman was able to show Xenonion a telecomm link to his counterpart in the cowboy civilization of Universe #84105B, however Dr. Gillyman #84105B declined to formally comment on recent events, stating: “No time, I’ve got a herd of Tiyanki to move to Sirius before the fortnight!” The call was abruptly ended after he was heard to slap the thighs of his space horse and shout “H’YAH, BORON, LET’S GET!”
