A new report from the Galactic Community’s Science Committee has warned that human researchers are significantly underestimating the risks of poking Horrific Inverse Mass with a stick.

The mysterious and highly unstable trans-dimensional matter has been found to boost scientific output by gently whispering technological breakthroughs into the minds of nearby researchers.

The matter was discovered after an auto-surveying United Nations of Earth (UNE) science ship accidentally clipped a Dimensional Horror, shearing some globules of mass onto what remained of the ship’s bumper.

“The mass has already provided us with so much knowledge,” an exhausted yet overstimulated Dr Zaragosa told Xenonion. “And has so much more to share; all we have to do is deactivate its containment field and poke it with a stick.”

However a risk analysis published by the Galactic Community’s Panel on Existential Threats has warned that even one errant poke to the matter could induce unpredictable and catastrophic effects, including mass psychosis or planetary collapse into a singularity.

The report concludes with a warning from the panel, who after spending some time with the mass wrote “IT’S ALREADY TOO LATE.”

Dr Zaragosa was quick to dismiss the concerns. “Think of all the research gains! Honestly, I think our focus right now should be on holding some sort of celebratory parade. Perhaps we can even let the public see the mass up close and poke it with their own homemade sticks.”

Human officials have already green-lit plans for an elaborate parade route spanning Earth, stating it will be “fun for all the family who remain tethered to this vile mortal plane.”