Oxygen levels dropped critically in Dome 7 this morning following a power outage. Area engineer Curtis Blort has accepted responsibility for the near miss, which could have seen 110 colonists perish, stating he had been “vigorously dancing” to the Marsvision radio station and “brushed against” a power switch. This is the third time Blort has accidentally hit the switch. Defending himself, Blort added: “Look, it’s hard to hear people screaming and gasping for air when you’re bopping to absolute tunes.”
Area Colonist Detained Following Inappropriate Use Of Triboelectric Scrubber
Dome 5 security have traced a man wanted in connection with performing a lewd act on a Triboelectric Scrubber. Security officers stated area colonist Charles Grayson (pictured) was caught on CCTV making “inappropriate use” of the anti-dust pulse emitter while on a spacewalk yesterday. Area gossip Mindy Malarkey told KXNO3 - “I’ve never seen anything like it. The way he was gyrating and thrusting…. I might have to go over for a closer inspection tonight. For… research purposes.”
Local Drone Hailed Hero For Raising Alarm After Boy Falls Down Mohole Mine
Local drone LASS-13 is being hailed a hero after discovering 13 year old Dome 5 resident Timmy O’Tole had fallen down a Mohole Mine. Operations manager Jess Fletcher told KXNO3 - “it’s just amazing. Little LASS-13 came up to me and repeatedly ran over my foot. Just from that I knew little Timmy was trapped down the Mohole.” Rescuers state they have “no idea” how Timmy is doing, but added, “how cool is the plucky little robot thing?”
Area Colonist Comes To Crushing Realization He Traveled All The Way Across Space Just To Work In A Grocery Store
While serving customers at Dome 3’s grocery store, area colonist Cody Grant came to the sudden realization this Monday that he traveled 54.6 million kilometers to Mars for the sole purpose of serving vegetables. Filled with existential dread, an increasingly panicked Grant began asking KXNO3 reports “wait… is this it? Is this me for the rest of my life?” At the time of press Grant was reportedly found sobbing amongst a giant pile of space potatoes.