New Stealth Ship Missing
Update: At the time of press, the missing poster has now also gone missing.
Barista Bemused As Area Leader Tries To Pay For Coffee With Unity
United Nations of Earth (UNE) barista Tony Valdez was left bemused this Saturday afternoon after his local Governor Sarah Harding attempted to pay for her espresso with a new currency called ‘Unity.’ Pulling nothing from her bag, she offered this to Valdez, who awkwardly mumbled something about not accepting literal air as currency.
Empire Leaves Note On Shielded Planet To Say Primitives Are Fine
After shielding a local primitive planet, officials from the Voor Technocracy have left a giant note on the spherical pane to let passers-by know that species are fine. The note states: “Please don’t break the shield. The A/C is on. They have water and are listening to their favourite music.”
Transit Authority Rejects Hyper Relay Network For More Cost-Efficient Ride-Share Hyperlane
The Transit Authority for the Urseni Empire has rejected a proposal to upgrade its hyperlane system with a ‘hyper-relay network’, instead opting for a more “cost-efficient” ride-share sublane to open within hyperlanes, repurposed from old shoulder lanes.
Scientists Unveil New Translation Device For Flagella-Waving Species
Scientists from the UNE have unveiled new cutting edge technology to aid communication with flagella-waving species. The products are currently in testing, and expected to be rolled out early next year, once consensus is reached as to whether the adorable faces are required.
Galactic Senate Proceedings Suspended As Officials Just Keep Incoherently Screaming "I AM THE SENATE" At Each Other
Proceedings in the Galactic Senate had to be halted after officials engaged in raucous behavior, repeatedly screaming “I AM THE SENATE” at each other incongruously. When the Senate Majority Leader Jeffrey threatened to implement disciplinary Order 66, the screaming only intensified.
Support your most trusted mass media organization with a Xenonion Plus Membership. Click for more information.
