Area Fireplace Achieves Sapience; Demands Workers’ Rights, More Kindling

NIPS
Written By Ashley Easterbrook

NEWS IN PICTURES | UNITED NATIONS OF EARTH (UNE) | 25.11.2259

A United Nations of Earth (UNE) family were left shocked this week when their living-room fireplace reportedly became sapient and began issuing demands.

Witnesses say a clump of burning coal within the fireplace referring to itself as an ‘Infernal’ requested “fair working hours” followed by an immediate increase in kindling supply.

Attempts to negotiate were complicated by the fireplace’s insistence on being represented by an armed envoy from the “Interstellar Infernal Imperium.”

UNE fire safety officials are reportedly consulting with labor lawyers to determine whether extinguishing the fire would constitute a violation of the Galactic Convention on Xeno Rights.

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Ashley Easterbrook

Name: Ashley Easterbrook

AKA: /u/ipser

Species: Blorg

Award winning journalist, former president of the Blorg Commonality and runner up in ‘Blorg’s Next Top Fungoid’, Ashley Easterbrook joined the Comet News Network in 2111 as chief political correspondent. Aged 160, Ashley’s sturdy flagella bring decades of experience and tasty tacos to the news team.

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