Creationists Claim Galaxy Is Only 10 Years Old
NEWS | EARTH, UNITED NATIONS OF EARTH | 08.05.2260
Creationists across the United Nations of Earth (UNE) are preparing to celebrate ‘Decennial Day’ tomorrow (9 May), commemorating what they believe was the creation of the galaxy exactly 10 years ago by incomprehensible higher powers.
The movement, which has gained traction across several human worlds, rejects mainstream scientific thinking and argues that all known history prior to 2200 is ‘flavor text’ retroactively added by mysterious deities known as ‘The Developers’ to provide immersion.
The movement has also received support from other creationists who subscribe to the ‘Vultaum Prophecy.’ This doctrine claims that the Vultaum precursor empire collapsed after discovering reality was an artificial computer simulation.
“Remember planetary tiles? Deleted from existence by the higher powers,” creationist Haydrien Alfriggy-Eladrin told Xenonion. “The fundamental laws of reality change every few months, yet we all pretend like we’ve never been able to warp drive around the cluster. Open your eyes to this paradox!”
Scientists have dismissed the movement as pseudoscience, stating that carbon dating from archaeological dig sites prove the galaxy is likely several billion years old.
“Ironic, given archaeology is a patched-in ret-con designed to deceive,” Alfriggy-Eladrin continued. “There’s a reason every supposed ‘ancient relic’ uses modern tool-tip formatting.”
The Galactic Senate is scheduled to convene on the matter later this week, although proceedings remain delayed due to ‘de-sync issues,’ reportedly causing nearly 30% of the galaxy to operate several days behind the rest of reality.
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