Jaded Economists Suggest Simply Giving Up, Starting Galaxy Over
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A consortium of exhausted economists have published a report this week warning that the galactic economy is “unsalvageable” and have urged area leaders to “take a deep breath and just start over from scratch.”
The report, published by the Galactic Trade Organization (GTO), outlined that over 95% of advanced interstellar economies are currently locked in a “death spiral,” marked by chronic resource shortages, pop unemployment and uncontrolled crime.
“The numbers confirm it, and we’ve run them every possible way,” GTO chief economist Vrosh told Xenonion. “And I can’t even begin to tell you how difficult that was, given this galaxy refuses to use any form of data analysis beyond pie charts.”
The report highlights automated planetary management systems like CybrexCorp’s ‘Sector AI™’ as one of the leading accelerants of the crisis.
“Governors think tools like Sector AI™ helps them make smarter decisions,” Vrosh continued. “After seeing yet another pristine agri-world paved over exclusively with entertainment districts, you can see why I disagree.”
Several space-nations have disputed the findings. The Iferyxi Conglomerate, which is currently running a -5k trade deficit while importing its entire food supply, claimed the crisis could be easily solved by repeatedly declaring bankruptcy.
Similarly Commonwealth of Man (CoM) officials stated they had managed to stabilize their economy through “human ingenuity.” Officials later refused to comment on a subsequent raid by heavily armored GalPol ‘Ironman’ accountants, who were reportedly tipped off about illegal console command resource trading.
Other empires have welcomed the the economists’ conclusions. A representative for the Pasharti Absorbers told Xenonion; “we’ve been planning to end the galaxy for some time anyway. Originally that was just for the fun of ending all sapient life, but we can also see the appeal of fixing the -12k alloy deficit we’re currently drowning in.”
Economists have been dismissive of other proposed solutions, including the spiritualist-led ‘Let The Shroud Provide’ initiative, or the United Nations of Earth’s (UNE’s) plan to simply never look at the resource tab ever again.
At the time of press, over 58 space-nations were reported to have fully reset this week. The GTO states that number is likely to rise significantly next week, when younger space-nations are expected to be hit with a series of cultist events.
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