Giant Floating Eye Woke Up Extra Dry And Crusty This Morning
NEWS | THE SHROUD | 07.09.2259
A giant floating eye has woken up “extra dry and crusty” this morning, Shroud affiliates report.
Literal eyewitnesses said Ziris, an unsettlingly large psionic eyeball, appeared much redder and more encrusted than usual, with particularly squeaky blinks.
“Surely this much gunk can’t be normal?” Ziris telepathically communicated with Shroud reporters. “The worst part is I have to try and blink it out, my tendrils are too small for effective wiping.”
Shroud optometrists have reported a recent spike in visits from big floating eye patients.
“The veil is notoriously dry this time of year with a high Zro count,” eye specialist Dr Fovea told Xenonion. “Pops need to specifically attune for optimal humidity and avoid the bright strobing that comes with looking too hard into the future late at night.”
Health data indicates that giant floating eyes are at much higher risk of developing chronic dryness, particularly if they wear comedically large contact lenses or undertake ultra-high-intensity Gamma-XL LASIK surgery.
“Please, can someone in the material plane give my eye a rub?” Ziris pleaded with reporters. “If I go to the optometrist they’ll do that tonometry air puff thing to check my pressure. It’s scaled by size!”
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