Mindwarden Enclave Definitely Not Front For Illicit Zro Trade, Spokesxeno States Standing In Giant Zro-Filled Vault
NEWS | MINDWARDEN ENCLAVE | 14.09.2259
A senior representative for the Mindwardens has categorically denied allegations that the Enclave is involved in illicit Zro trafficking while addressing reporters from the center of a giant vault filled with the shimmering psionically active dust.
“The Mindwardens only ask space nations for donations of Zro to ensure our galaxy remains safe against the Shroud,” spokesxeno Szgarfiss told assembled reporters, intermittently pausing to allow the deafening drone of giant automated forklifts moving giant containers of the substance in the background to settle.
“Any suggestion that we somehow became involved in illegally distributing Zro is outlandish and shall be met with swift legal action,” Szgarfiss continued, gesturing to a nearby platoon of highly armed ‘shock-lawyers.’
Use of the highly addictive and euphoria-inducing Zro dust has surged in recent years, and despite a galactic ban on recreational consumption, unregulated production and distribution has become highly profitable for criminal syndicate enterprises.
“We only house most of the galaxy’s known supply of Zro to ensure psionics cannot open further connections with the Shroud,” Szgarfiss continued, again pausing to allow a team of Mindwarden chemists dressed in hazmat suits to pass through and test the purity of a recently offloaded container crate.
“To achieve this goal we needed to build the galaxy’s largest automated space freighter port and have intensive community outreach programs into nightclubs like Chor’s Compass,” Szgarfiss added.
When a reporter from Earth’s UNENN asked why a team of Mindwardens appeared to be packaging Zro into smaller bundles in the corner of the vault, Szgarfiss became visibly agitated, snapping “you wanna play this? OK I’LL PLAY WITH YOU!”
At the time of press reporters were diving for cover as Szgarfiss produced a super-soaker filled with liquid Zro and began spraying the press pool indiscriminately while screaming “SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!”
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