Local Alliance Regrets Inviting Loser Empire
NEWS | EARTH, UNE | 31.08.2260
The leaders of the Just Alliance have stated they deeply regret inviting the Lexan Coalition to their military partnership, describing them as a “loser empire.”
The Lexans, a recently liberated reptilian species, were invited to the alliance three months ago owing to their advanced scientific knowledge.
In the intervening period it transpired the Lexans owned just three partially damaged corvettes and were regularly targeted indiscriminately by larger neighbouring empires for fun.
“We thought they would be useful because they seem smart,” Just Alliance representative Vem stated. “They contributed -13 warscore in the last conflict we got embroiled in by repeatedly sending construction ships to the enemy homeworld.”
Alliance officials added the Lexans appear insightless into their military vulnerabilities, repeatedly agitating larger powers by sending juvenile insults and breathing loudly at diplomatic meetings.
Lexan leader Glorm rejected the accusations, stating his species suffered from “respiratory problems” and “as soon as we hit the gym it’s over for everyone else.”
Following an emergency summit, a majority of Just Alliance members agreed that the Lexans could not sit with them at lunch.
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