Famed Oracle Claims To Foresee Future In 'Dev Diary' Premonitions
The Oracle, a mysterious seer with premonitions of the future, is said to have written predictions for this year in a body of text called the ‘Divination Diary.’
The prophecies have gained notoriety on the neural net, and colloquially become known as the ‘Dev Diary.’
The soothsayer has revealed that major shake-ups are coming to the galaxy’s population, employment and trade. Perhaps most shockingly, however, the Oracle has revealed that empires will be able to record their own history in something called a ‘ledger.’
The Oracle is reported to have existed since the beginning of time, and written multiple previous ‘Dev Diaries.’ They are said to have correctly foretold the outlawing of planetary mapping using ‘tiles’ in 2253.
What do you think?
“Did...
did the Oracle just invent history?”
“I am once again asking the Oracle to predict allowing me to merge irregular ships with my fleet.”
“Doesn’t anyone find it suspicious that this supposed Oracle can’t predict the winning numbers for the Galactic Lotto?”
Warning Space Weather To Become Increasingly Dangerous
Galactic meteorologists have warned that space weather will become increasingly unpredictable and dangerous over the coming months, with a number of major storm systems forecast during September.
What do you think?
“It’s war then. We must eliminate the weather before it makes any further advances.
”
“Remind me to a bring a coat when I’m next out in space.”
“I can’t believe we’re getting lousy Smarch weather in Smeptember.”
Zro Production On Arrakis Thrown Into Disarray Following Change In Local Refinery Ownership
Zro production on the planet of Arrakis has been thrown into disarray following a change in local refinery ownership. The exotic particle is extremely rate and highly valued for its potent psionic enhancing abilities. Prices of the substance have now soared on galactic markets. What do you think?
“It’s only called Zro if it’s refined from the Arrakeen region of Arrakis. Otherwise it’s just sparkling melange.”
“I’ve always preferred Spice, especially when it’s flavored with pumpkin.”
“Me? I’m unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In my goop. Focused. Flourishing. ”
New Astral Rift Opening Fuels Fears Of Space Gentrification
A new astral rift has opened in the Terminax System, prompting concerns from neighboring residents that the cluster is becoming increasingly gentrified. What do you think?
“I don’t think rental prices will shift unless something is done about those roving packs of feral space amoeba. ”
“We all knew this was coming ever since the Artisan Troupe opened their college here.”
“I’ve already joined the Equinox branch that’s opened inside the rift. ”
Ringworld Residents Propose Colonizing Other Segments By Simply Walking There
Residents on a newly constructed ringworld have questioned the need to colonize other areas with colony ships, proposing to simply walk there instead. What do you think?
“That would be a great way to get my daily step count up to the recommended 224,410,000 steps.”
“Typical mainstream media bias against those of us who can only float ungracefully.”
“Going outside and walking? In this economy?”
Space-Nations Set To Rename Council Titles
The Galactic Community has confirmed this week that space-nations will be able to freely rename government council positions, diverging from previously strict pan-galactic naming conventions. What do you think?
“If my title gets changed to something ridiculous like ‘Minister for Silly Walks’ I’m quitting.”
“Great, now we’re going to need a new Council position for ‘Keeper of the Council Titles.’”
“Slightly off topic but has anyone ever actually seen the Minister for Silly Walks walking?”
Unassigned Scientist Sits On Government Payroll For 100 Years
The United Nations of Earth (UNE) has confirmed this week that a scientist it hired to undertake research was never actually assigned to any projects, and remained on government payroll for 100 years doing nothing. What do you think?
“I don’t really see the difference between this and ‘assisting’ research.”
“Ridiculous. If I didn’t live in utopian abundance and actually paid any taxes, I’d be outraged.”
“Life goals tbh.”
Engineers Unveil New Ringworld Structure, 'Squareworld'
Engineers from the Voor Technocracy have unveiled an advanced new ringworld structure called a ‘Squareworld.’ What do you think?
“I guess this explains why IKEA are now selling flat-pack ringworld segments.”
“We are one step closer to the prophesied Dyson Cube.”
“Am I seeing heaven? I feel like I’ve been touched by an angle.”
Strike Craft Capable Of Deploying Even Smaller Strike Craft Developed
Engineers from the Voor Technocracy have unveiled a new battleship prototype that allows deployed strike craft to launch a further series of smaller and even more agile anti-armor ‘strike craftettes.’ What do you think?
“Meh. Come back and let me know when they develop strike craft capable of deploying strike craft from strike craft.”
“Sometimes I wish I were a battleship, able to deploy strike craft around the home, blitzing chores.”
“Are these strike craft available for... [heavy breathing].... personal use?”
New Quantum Catapult Prototype Unveiled
Engineers have unveiled a new Quantum Catapult prototype. The device should allow ships to be slingshotted incredible distances across space, much farther than current jump drive technology allows.
“Sorry, you want to do *what* exactly with my brand new ship? Is this even covered under my insurance?”
“This sounds just perfect for my husband.”
“Is this available for... [heavy breathing].... personal use?”
Calls Grow To Reintroduce 'Encourage Growth' Policy
There have been growing calls for the ‘Encourage Growth’ Initiative to be re-instated. The popular policy promoted species fertility rates by drop-shopping food directly onto planets. It was recently scrapped after an entire shipment of fresh food was grossly contaminated by an impromptu fertility ritual which developed beside it. What do you think?
“Oof, you’ll have to excuse me, even just talking about this is getting me going...”
“Why not just air-drop us babies directly? Saves nine months of waiting around and cuts out the many unattractive middle men.”
“[sexily photosynthesizes]”
Galactic Community Announces Plan To Re-Train Envoys As Spies
The Galactic Community has outlined a series of new measures and initiatives to try and boost the number of professional spies across the galaxy. One such scheme includes re-training of envoys in intelligence, counter-intelligence and security specialisms. What do you think?
“That explains the mandatory thirty minute online module on assassination techniques I had to do last night.”
“Why wasn’t I consulted? As a part time entertainer, I’m an expert in thespionage.”
“I was once arrested on suspicion of being a spy. Enforcers thought I was trying to organize a coo.”
New Vultaum Relic Suggests Universe Is A Computer Simulation
New evidence from a Vultaum dig site shows that the extinct species not only believed the universe was a computer simulation, but also that the program was operated by an omnipotent teenager wielding an all-powerful 'console command' function. What do you think?
“I guess that would explain the cluster where all the systems are named ‘LOLN00B.’”
“Can these omnipotent overlords perhaps console command my marriage back
together?”
“This can’t be a simulation. No computer
program could be so cruel.”
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