Commonwealth of Man Probably Won’t Finish Conquering Galaxy Before Being Rendered Obsolete by Next Patch
NEWS | EARTH, UNE | 31.08.2260
The Commonwealth of Man (CoM) has accelerated its campaign to subjugate the galaxy after military analysts warned the empire may only have a limited amount of time left to become historically relevant.
Commonwealth officials stated the human supremacist state’s ambitions could potentially be curtailed by an upcoming balance update, which is expected to alter several key mechanisms of how the known universe operates.
“We are expected to invade several planets in the coming ticks,” Commonwealth leader Sidney Beauclair told Xenonion. “Should we be successful, we will be an excellent position to discover whether we’ve been nerfed.”
Commonwealth leadership has reportedly begun intensively studying match notes obtained by intelligence services to try and find means to mitigate changes to fleet combat, economic production or planetary management.
Neighbouring empires had initially expressed relief at the prospect of the Commonwealth imploding, before being told that they too would likely be swept away by universe-altering logic changes.
Commonwealth officials have nevertheless vowed to continue their campaign at maximum speed, stating the destruction of neighbouring species would at least serve to reduce in-universe lag prior to the reckoning.
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