Fleet Trapped Following Space Border Closure

The Kel-Azaan Republic has closed its borders to the Kobarian Star Pact, causing significant travel disruption and leaving the Kobarian’s primary fleet stranded in an unclaimed enclave system.

The move has caused travel chaos across the cluster, with all civilian trade ceasing. Several Kobarian science ships which were also in Kel-Azaan space when the blockade came into effect have also gone missing and it’s unclear if and when they will return to friendly territory.

Image: The Kobarian’s fleet is trapped in the unclaimed Aruz system, an enclave within Kel-Azaan territory.

Diplomatic relations between the two formerly friendly neighbors soured after the Kobarian Star Pact entered into a trade agreement with the Chinorr Combine, long standing rivals of the Kel-Azaan.

Defending the border closure, Kel-Azaan leader Strategos Krexax told the Republic’s Senate earlier this morning that Kobarian cooperation with the Chinorr was unacceptable, stating the border closure would “teach them a lesson.”

Image: Kel-Azaan leader Krexax.

The Kobarian Fleet, named Suthnar’s Armada, is a 12.3k battle group which comprises 100% of the Star Pact’s military capabilities. The fleet, although relatively advanced, is only fitted with Hyperdrive III engines and cannot use any other means of FTL travel.

“This is the first time this has happened to me as an admiral,” Suthnar Commander Ereth told Xenonion earlier today. “We’re well and truly stuck here. You’d think with this being space we could just fly in any direction we want, closed borders or not. But we can’t. It’s like the Kel-Azaan have put up an impenetrable invisible wall or something. I’m assuming it must be some advanced technology.”

Image: Suthnar Admiral Ereth.

Sources inside the Kobarian government have indicated that security services believe the timing of the border closure was a deliberate ploy to stymie the Star Pact’s military capabilites, effectively rendering core worlds defenceless, particularly to an attack by the Kel-Azaan.

Strategos Krexax condemned the accusations, stating that the Kel-Azaan fleet build-up along border systems was simply to ensure there were no “illegal border crossings.” He added, “it would be too bad if the Kobarians had to declare war on us to open the border… because they know our military power is superior to theirs…”

At present both space-nations have resorted to firing a volley of insults back and forth to each other via diplomatic channels.

---

Federation Member Proposes War It Definitely Wont Participate In

The Just Alliance federation is considering a declaration of war request from the Uri Nation, a member state which has absolutely no plans to assist in the war effort.

Presenting its proposal to its four fellow federation members, the Bwauki Multisystem, Glukkonian Guild, Eredi Assembly and presiding Lorex League, the Uri Nation appealed for military intervention against its larger neighbour, the Cevanti Empire.

Image: Members of the Just Alliance meet at the 12,391st Tri-Weekly Summit on Loraxia Prime. From L-R; President Scree of the Bwauki Empire, Executive S’Lig of the Glukkonian Guild, President Ur’Ine of the Uri Nation, Matriarch Lyssa of the Lorax League, and Chancellor Fillur of the Eredi Assembly.

Uri diplomats highlighted the urgent need for intervention against the Cevanti’s ill treatment of slave pops, while also adding that the transfer of several resource-rich border systems to Uri control would be “an extra bonus.”

“This war is vitally important for furthering the interests of the Uri Nation and… er, of course, the whole Just Alliance.” Uri leader Ur’Ine told Xenonion. “Those poor slave pops, toiling away on all that precious Betharian stone. They must be rescued. Of course, if there’s room for the slave pops they should be taken too.”

Image: President Ur’Ine of the Uri Nation, dressed in traditional Uri gold.

Despite having the second largest fleet power in the Just Alliance, behind the Lorax League, the Uri Nation has categorically ruled out participating in any conflict.

Ur’Ine reportedly told fellow leaders that the Lorax fleets would be much more efficient in battle as Uri fleets were only specialized for “just sitting parked above space ports, looking pretty.”

The Lorax League has approached the request warily, and insider reports suggest there may not be appetite among leadership to get embroiled in a costly war.

Such public disputes between two allies is unusual, and perhaps a sign of increasing strain within the federation. The Just Alliance is only just recovering from months of turmoil after the Thelmar Union was kicked from the group last year after blocking another war request 363 times for no apparent reason. This followed on from the rocky initiation of the Bwauki into the federation, who still consistently refuse to wear clothes at meetings.

Early reports indicate the Uri proposal is likely to pass and in preparation, Lorax admirals have begun frantically clicking ‘encourage allied fleets to follow’ call signs in a vague hope this will stir the Uri into action.

---

Notification Spam Prompts Area Pacifists to Consider Becoming Fanatical Purifiers

Scyldari leadership is tonight considering completely ditching the space nation’s longstanding ethos of pacifism and xenophilia in favor of becoming fanatical purifiers, after having received a record-breaking 3.7 trillion inane diplomatic notifications in the last 24 hours.

The outward-looking Scyldari have historically had high levels of contact with other species from across the galaxy, and as such they have often fielded a substantial number of diplomatic notifications.

However, recent reports from the Scyldari Foreign Office indicate both diplomats and computer systems alike are struggling to cope with an increasing flurry of notifications as hundreds of space-nations simultaneously expand and interact with each other.

Image: Scyldari Foreign Office computers are struggling to cope with high levels of inane diplomatic notifications.

“At first these notifications were important, like, FYI the hegemonic imperialists next door have declared war on you,” Scyldari diplomat Cali J’Bassim told Xenonion. “But now we’re getting hundreds of notifications every minute, about stuff that’s not even relevant to us. Half the time I can’t even work out if we’re at war or not.”

Image: Cali J’Bassim, Scyldari Diplomat.

The Scyldari Foreign office highlights that over the last three months it has been fielding an average of 1.2 trillion diplomatic notifications per day.

Common messages include:

• Borders opened

• That species you interacted once with has entered a research agreement with that other species that look a bit funny

• Borders closed

• Two space nations have formed a laughably small federation

• Borders opened again, but then quickly closed

• The laughably small federation has given some irrelevant species association status

With no option to filter or mute messages, the Scyldari Foreign Office has had to employ 233 million Scyldari pops to manually sift through notifications until an automated system can be implemented.

The Scyldari Prosperity Faction estimates that the cost of employing the entire population of Scyldaria as interns and terraforming the planet into a Foreign Office ecumenopolis will cripple the space nation’s budget by 2260. As such, leaders are now seriously considering switching to xenophobic and militaristic ethos in a bid to quell the diplomatic spam.

Scyldari president Dackam addressed the issue in a press conference earlier today, stating: “We cannot stem the tide of these notifications. As such, we must address the root of the problem. We must destroy their very source… the other xenos.”

Image: Scyldari president Dackam.

His speech was met with universal approval across Scyldari society, and indeed from most other space nations who are grappling with similar problems.

However, the proposed switch from polar opposite ethos would be unprecedented in modern space history. In his closing remarks at the press conference, Dackam acknowledged this, stating; “I guess first we just need to figure out how to actually switch ethos. Anyone?”

Shares in Colossus-grade weapons on the Space Exchange Index (SEXI) rose dramatically on the news.

---

Inward Perfectionists Inwardly Perfect, Bored

Renewing their Peace Festivals edict commemorating 75 years of stability, Tokaa Commonwealth leadership have reportedly begun to wonder if there’s anything more to ruling a space-nation.

The isolated xenophobic republic’s constitution forbids engaging in diplomacy with alien empires, cutting it off form the labyrinthine negotiations and cutthroat politics of the galactic stage.

Image: Tokaa Prime, an agrarian idyll world

Similarly, getting approval for an offensive war is largely impossible because it requires a major change in Tokaa policy that would upset the nation’s various factions and risk lowering pop approval below 100%.

As a result, the government’s main role is to deal with internal matters, such as maintaining the economy and infrastructure. However, that requires relatively little effort, leaving leaders with nothing to do most of the time.

“The most exciting thing I got to do this term was sign off on a round of infrastructure upgrades after waiting several months to get enough minerals,” First Speaker Fang Sha told i. “Everyone in the Commonwealth is living in utopian abundance, but I just feel empty inside. Sometimes I wish I was out there, crusading against fanatic purifiers or forming federations.”

Image: First Speaker Fang Sha longs for “just a little chaos" to “spice things up a bit.”

All types of Tokaa leaders say they feel the same. Due to the extended period of peace, the Commonwealth’s admirals and generals have not seen any action within their lifetimes. They are stuck at level one, parking their fleets and armies in orbit around their home star. In a way, they are cursed by their own success – their navy is powerful enough to deter any potential invaders.

In addition, other empires have closed their borders to the Tokaa in retaliation to their closed borders policy, and as a result Tokaa scientists are unable to explore the galaxy outside their borders.

Chang Suli, a Tokaa scientist with the Carefree trait told Xenonion, “Our species just wanted to be left alone in peace, but we didn’t realize it would be… so boring.”

Rates of zro substance misuse on the planet have reportedly shot up in recent events, with local Enforcers celebrating now they have something to do.

---

Lone Strike Craft Destroys Colossus After Five Year Slog

The Voor Technocracy has been left reeling after its flagship Colossus-class planet cracker, the Quietus, was destroyed by a lone strike craft from the Keth Cooperative.

It is thought the Keth victory may break a deadlock in the 53 year-long border war between the two neighbouring space-nations which has engulfed the mid-Rim.

The tiny strike craft, Salmon One, was piloted by Keth native Luuk Skalvåker, who is now being hailed as a hero across the cluster.

Image: The Voor colossus.

It appears however the attack on the Colossus was entirely opportunistic, as the Salmon One had accidentally got left behind its carrier ship when the Keth fleet retreated from a failed incursion of Voor space. While Skalvåker was piloting home through enemy territory, he stumbled across the idle Quietus in the Scheat System.

The Colossus had only been constructed 1 year earlier by the Voor Technocracy at a huge cost. It had just completed a trial-run of planet cracking in Voor Space before it was to be set upon Keth core worlds.

Skalvåker, automatically set to aggressive stance, engaged the much larger Colossus with no choice in the matter. For five long years he vigorously attacked the gargantuan ship before eventually causing its weapon system to fail and explode, killing all ten thousand crew on board.

Image: Luuk Skalvåker

“My strategy was… well I didn’t have a strategy.” Skalvåker spoke of the attack to local news on returning home. “Wearing down the armor was a slow process though, I just barely exceeded it’s monthly hull regeneration. It was a long five years, let me tell you.”

Voor leadership has come under heavy criticism for both the loss of its flagship weapon, and as to why the Quietus was left undefended for such a protracted period of time.

Emperor Daft Fader of the Voor Technocracy has declined to comment on the incident.

---

Pacifist Empire Elects S875.1 Warform as New Leader

The Skrell Empire has sworn in its first non-organic leader, the S875.1 Warform, who has pledged to be a ‘Champion of the People.’

The technocratic Skrell leadership caste elected the S875.1 by a clear majority, as Representative Knellnar told Xenonion: “It’s the best leadership candidate we’ve had in years.”

The materialist and pacifist-inclined Skrell discovered the Warform over 30 years ago when a science expedition in the Outer Rim happened upon the abandoned Corvette it was stored in.

Upon reactivation of the ship the S875.1 pledged its service, and it’s 400-power Corvette, to the Skrell navy.

Unfortunately due to design incompatibility, the ship was unable to be integrated into any Skrell fleets. As such the S875.1 was tasked with the solo mission of destroying a nearby Scavenger leviathan. Unexpectedly, the ship was lost and the S875.1 was thought to have perished.

Unknown to Skrell leadership however, while the physical hull of the S875.1 Warform had been destroyed, the bot commanding it had managed to successfully return to the pool of admirals awaiting further duty, where it remained unnoticed for 25 years until suddenly being elected today.

Little is known about the background of the S875.1, or its vision for the future of the Skrell Empire, but this has not deterred officials like Knellnar, who continued; “The S875.1 Warform shows us that being a semi-intelligent machine designed only for warfare should not stop one from aspiring to the highest position of power in a pacifistic technocracy, and becoming loved by the entire nation on the way."

On being asked as to whether she was worried about the S875.1 seeking retribution for being sent alone on such a risky mission, Knellnar laughed; “no… truly, none of us could have ever predicted such an adverse outcome…”

The S875.1 has thus far declined to comment on its election, opting instead to beep quietly, and somewhat menacingly, in a dark corner of the Skrell Congress building.

*inspired by idea from Dr. D.R.

---

Young Space-Nation Agonizes Over Wording of First Contact Greeting

The leadership caste of the oligarchic Rihi’Nar Coalition has been “crippled with indecision” over the wording of a first contact greeting, insider reports indicate.

The humanoid Rihi’Nar are one of the youngest species in the galaxy equipped to utilize FTL travel, having only discovered hyperlane technology 6 months ago.

While exploring locality space, they made contact with an alien intelligence for the first time in the form of the Vitrios Stardom, an established empire of spiritualist plantoids.

Reaction to the encounter among the Rihi’Nar population has been mixed, and this appears to have been reflected in its government’s indecision over how to word its first ever diplomatic greeting.

Image: The Rihi’Nar Coalition has devoted hundreds of hours of deliberation over which greeting to send to their newly discovered neighbours, the Vitrios Stardom.

‘‘Our society and linguistics experts have spent the last 28 days decoding the Vitrios language and have come up with a list of appropriate greeting options reflecting our species ethos…” Rihi’Nar leader Kashnak told Xenonion. “But they’re quite different. Do we promote our xenophilia by talking about cooperation? Or do we assert our militarism with a more curt statement? … This is too difficult! Why can’t we just say ‘Greetings!’ or something generic like that!?”

As the Rihi’Nar government has devoted increasing attention to formulating a diplomatic response, its other administrative responsibilities such as healthcare, education and food production have been suspended.

Kashnak went on; “This first contact thing must be really important, right? Surely it has a lasting impact on our future relationship with the Vitrios? Why else would my scientists tell me we received 15 sequential priority messages about having successfully translated their language?”

Image: Rihi’Nar linguists received multiple priority alerts regarding having successfully opened communications with the Vitrios Stardom.

Diplomats from Vitrios space have been bemused by the Rihi’Nar’s indecisiveness. Rohzebudd, a spokesplant for the Stardom told Xenonion: “They do realise it’s just a formality, right? They can call us ‘side salad’ like all the other meat fleshbags do and we’ll still trade sensors with them.”

The Rihi’Nar are at present unaware of the Vitriosi comments, and are reportedly excitedly looking into how to establish embassies.

---

Fanatic Xenophobes Have Soft Spot for Charismatic Species

A recent survey of the highly xenophobic Scythaan arthropods found that despite their universal hatred of other species, they are remarkably tolerant towards an unassuming race of Avians, known as the Ciran, because of their natural charisma. 

Since the Scythaans typically purge or enslave outsiders on sight, an undercover Xenonion News interview team cunningly disguised themselves as Scythaans to conduct the study safely.

In one notable encounter, the following was able to be translated from Scythaan clicking noises: “On a scale of 0 to -1000, I’d put the Ciran around a -975. Like, I still hate them, obviously. But something about them is just... less despicable, you know what I mean? Whoa, are you ok? Your antenna looks a little... droopy.”

When asked to choose among several species to enslave, all Scythaan pops interviewed responded that owning a Ciran slave would make them up to 5% happier. In addition, most respondents ranked the Ciran as last for the question, 'What order would you purge these species in?'

Most Ciran individuals live in the eponymous Ciran Kingdom, a small vassal of the neighboring Luuhma Combine on the other side of the galaxy. While the kingdom has generally positive relationships with its neighbors, it has virtually zero contact with the Scythaans, so the results of the survey came as a surprise to many Ciran pops.

Tyudelek, a citizen of the Ciran Kingdom, told Xenonion: “Who are these creeps and how do they know about us? We don’t even know them, they’re one of our contacts’ contacts... I knew I shouldn't have left my FaceBlorg profile on public."

Image: Tyudelek is 'strongly considering' deleting his FaceBlorg page for up to one week, possibly even two.

In unrelated news, a Xenonion News investigative team was found dead in the Scythaan Systems after masquerading as Scythaan pops. A Xenonion News internal investigation has concluded that "such tragedy could never have been predicted."

---

Federation Member Kicked After Declining 363 War Declaration Requests

The Themlar Union government today confirmed it has been formally ejected from the Just Alliance federation.

The announcement follows several months of escalating diplomatic tensions and disputes within the formerly 6-member federation over foreign policy.

The vote to remove the Thelmar Union was initiated this morning by the militaristic Bwauki Multisystem, the current rotating federation leader. Member states voted in favour of the motion 5-0, with the Thelmar Union abstaining as it accidentally missed the notification that the vote had been started.

In a press statement issued this morning, Bwauki diplomats cited the vote was put in place due to “irreparable differences” between the Thelmar Union and other federation members regarding war declaration votes.

This appears to be directly related to the Thelmar Union blocking the Bwauki Multisystem's longstanding attempts to press claims on its larger and more powerful non-federated neighbour, the Cevanti Empire.

Themar Union Prime Minister Smudge told Xenonion: “Our reasons for rejecting the Bwauki war proposals were simple - we'd have to do all the work.”

Image: Thelmar Union prime minister Smudge, who should never be rubbed on his belly.

Political observers agree Bwauki space command would be unlikely to overcome a Cevanti incursion given its small fleet cap and the fact they have retrofitted the previously highly adaptable federation fleet to only have flak cannons, for no apparent reason.

The original vote for a war declaration was initiated several months ago, and required all member states of the federation to consent in order for it to pass. Tensions escalated when after the vote failed initially, the Bwauki Multisystems proceeded to repeat the vote 362 more times over the space of 3 months.

Smudge continued; "Can you imagine trying to process 363 war declaration requests since the Galactic Community outlawed embassies?"

Each time the Thelmar Union rejected the war proposal, it suffered a massive opinion malus with the Bwauki, to the point where the relationship could no longer be repaired.

Bwauki president Scree declined to speak to Xenonion News, but in a public press conference he told reporters his reasoning behind removing the Thelmar Union from the Just Alliance was; “Well... they rejected our proposals.”

Image: Bwauki president Scree, who seems acutely unaware of the fact he is not wearing any clothing.

The remaining federation members; the Lorax League (xenophilic), Glukkonian Guild (materialists), Uri Nation (egalitarian) and the Eredi Assembly (egalitarian) all backed the Bwauki Proposal.

Matriarch Lyssa of the Lorax League told Xenonion; “We are natural allies with the Thelmar Union so this whole process has been very difficult for us. Having said that, we just needed the notifications to stop. There were so. many. notifications. We've actually just formally closed our foreign affairs office to make it stop for a while."

Image: Lorax League matriarch Lyssa.

The Thelmar Union was the federation's largest and most powerful member, and opposition parties in remaining states have warned the Bwauki vote has left the Just Alliance severely weakened.

As the Bwauki government prepares to initiate its 364th war declaration vote, which is now expected to pass as long as the Lorax League remembers to open its foreign affairs office, critics have called upon the Galactic Community to overhaul federation mechanics and laws to prevent similar events from happening again.

---

Empires Urged to Purge Considerately

The Galactic UN has called upon xenophobes to purge neighbouring species with more consideration for the natural environment.

The announcement follows the publication of a recent Galactic Fact Office (GtFO) census which has revealed the plantoid population of Forever Spring is steadily declining following the systematic purging of their synchronically evolved co-species by a neighbouring empire.

Image: Angiofro plantoid populations have been in steady decline following the poorly planned purging of the Baapidae, their arthropoid synchronically evolved co-species.

The Angiofro, the charismatic plantoid species in decline, evolved synchronically with the repugnant Baapidae arthropoids on their home world of Forever Spring.

During almost a millennia of co-existence they developed a symbiotic relationship, with the Angiofro requiring the Baapidae to rub against them to enhance pollination reproduction, and the Baapidae eating weaker Angiofro as a healthy alternative to TacoBell's XenoWraps.

Image: Angiofro Let'us probably would have something to say, if it wasn't a plant.

This close knit relationship was not revealed to the Bwauk Multisystem, a neighbouring species of mildly xenophobic Avians who had recently assumed overlord status of Forever Spring. The Bwaukis worship beauty and symmetry, and dutifully continued their longstanding tradition of purging aesthetically unpleasing species.

Unfortunately the selective purging of the Baapidae has meant the Angiofro have lost reproductive functioning, and are being pushed towards extinction.

Bwauki spokesbird C'heep told Xenonion: "It's a shame really because the Angiofro are very symmetrical, although it would be better if they were shinier and we could construct our nests from them. But yes. Who would have thought the extinction of a species could have such a wide ranging effect on an ecosystem like this?"

Image: Bwauki spokesperson C'heep refused to don clothes for his interview with Xenonion News.

Bwauki officials have strenuously denied claims they knew the impact the Baapidae purge would have on the Angiofro, but conceded not having plantoids taking up spots in leader pools would be "helpful."

The Galactic UN has recognised the legality of the Bwauki purge, but again urged empires to only purge with appropriate planning and foresight.

---

Unfortunate Area Admiral Graduates With Fleet Logistician Trait

Area resident Paul Bork has apologized to family, friends and tutors after discovering he graduated from Fleet Academy with the Fleet Logistician trait.

Speaking to a packed press conference of local reporters, Bork stated:

"I'd like to take this opportunity to say sorry to everyone I know. I'm sorry this has happened. If I could take it back, I would. I hope you can all find it in your hearts to still see me as a person. I also hope this event has not damaged the reputation of our proud Fleet Academy."

Image: Paul Bork graduates from Ulm Fleet Academy.

Bork graduated from his 5 year admiralty degree earlier this week, believing this signaled his longstanding career aspirations had finally been realized.

Tragically, during the graduation ceremony he received the fateful news that would alter the rest of his life. He recalled;

"It had started out such a happy day. There I was in my gown with my family, who were so proud. I'd worked so hard and was so pleased with myself. But after I got my degree I suddenly got this pop-up in my eyeStream - 'You have gained the Fleet Logistician trait.' I thought it was a joke at first. But then I looked at it properly. I panicked. I thought it was a mistake. How could this be happening?"

Traits are lifelong distinguishing qualities bestowed upon leaders, including admirals. They are assigned initially at random, but over time will follow with experience. Bork explained;

"I just wish I could have got the Aggressive or Gale-Speed Traits. Heck, even a Cautious trait would have been better. Who wants to be a Fleet Logistician? That doesn't even do anything to fleet power! Sure, they say it reduces the maintenance of fleets, but you're not exactly going to be building 500 cruisers if you can't afford to maintain them in the first place."

Bork initially tried to reach out to classmates and former teachers for help, but they reportedly shunned him for fear of contracting the trait.

It is highly unlikely the Fleet Academy will place Bork in a admiralty role, however they have recommended him to consider a career in sector governing.

Bork's father, Raymond, also spoke to local reporters at the press conference;

"I never thought I'd see the day when I spent 500,000 energy credits to put my son through a 5 year degree which would allow him to be a... sector governor."

The press conference was cut short as local reporters hurriedly left to cover the breaking news story of an area pop's happiness dropping by 1%.

---

UNE Begins Work on Space Wall Megastructure Prototypes

UNE government contractors have started to build prototypes of President Jeffrey Rossario’s proposed border wall with space.

Building documents state that all eight of the living metal prototypes are to be on a similar scale to existing ringworld structures, and to span the entire length of the UNE’s border.

The Space Wall formed a core tenet of Rossario’s oft-fiery and tumultuous election campaign in 2249 against Karla Karling, wherein he pledged to harshly curb xeno migration.

Speaking at a political rally in Ulm this morning, Rossario told the audience;

“We have to do something about these xenos. There are too many. Too many. Look at the Blorg. They’re not sending us their best migrants. They’re sending Blorg that have lots of problems and they’re bringing these problems. They’re bringing Zro, they’re bringing unrest. Some, I assume are good Blorg. But most are not.

I tell you folks, the Space Wall will stop them. It’s going to be big, it’s going to be beautiful. The biggest and most beautiful megastructure you’ll ever see. We’ll have negative alien migration modifiers in the minus billions. Billions and billions in migration malus. It’s going to be great.”

Net xeno migration in to the UNE remains at a record high, bolstered by the recent influx of non-human refugees seeking safe haven from the ongoing Unbidden invasion of the Outer Rim.

Rossario’s ‘humanity first’ policy has remained highly controversial. His remarks have been panned by observers across the political spectrum, and have prompted fury from the Blorg ambassador on Earth who has demanded an apology from Rossario.

Despite this, his message appears to resonate strongly with human voters. This has been reflected in Rossario's rising approval ratings, which previously languished following several high profile scandals and ongoing corruption probes against his administration.

Image: Many of Rossario's political opponents, including faction leader Aimee Fleury, have spoken out against construction of the Space Wall.

The influential human Prosperity Faction has been especially critical of Rossario’s Space Wall plans. Leader Aimee Fleury shared her concerns with Xenonion News:

“This is one of the most insane proposals I’ve ever heard, to be honest. To start, it’s a wall… it’s… pardon me, I just can’t stop laughing… It’s a wall… in outer space. A wall in S-P-A-C-E… A WALL…IN—sorry. They’ll fly over it. Under it. They could jump drive over it. Not even that… this will ruin our economy. The average megastructure takes 20-40 years to build, and upwards of 100k minerals to finance. And this won’t return anything to the economy. He could build a Dyson sphere, but he wants a wall?”

Image: Rossario's supporters, such as hat maker Ronald Gump, are extremely keen to see the Space Wall constructed.

Rossario’s most ardent supporters, however, believe the Space Wall is the actualization of a long-held political fantasy, as human hat maker Ronald Gump told us;

“This is what we need! Keep xeno scum out of the UNE! Make Earth great again! Stupid liberal xenoflakes need to stop worrying about the cost of the wall - we’re going to make all neighbouring xenos, including that hostile Fallen Empire, pay for it."

UNE central government states it hopes wall prototype selection will be completed within the next five months.

View fullsize

---

Pacifist Empire Declares War Every Ten Years to Enforce Truces

The pacifistic Scyldari Confederacy has this morning declared liberation wars on fourteen neighbouring space-nations.

Scyldari President Dackam hailed the declarations of war as "the beginning of another chapter for galactic peace and prosperity."

Image: Scyldari President Dackam announced the war declarations this morning live via eyeStream.

The move was hotly anticipated by galactic observers such as J'Khanna, a political commentator on Scyldaria, who told Xenonion News:

"This is definitely no surprise to anyone who's been watching Scyldari diplomacy in action. Over the last 30 years they have followed a very rigid pattern of declaring liberation wars on neighbours, immediately settling for status quo without any actual hostilities, and then enforcing a 10 year truce period which guarantees peace. As soon as the truces expire - the process is repeated."

Each of the fourteen space-nations which had war declared upon them all individually had existing truces with the Scyldari which expired today.

Proponents of the war declarations highlight that the resulting peace accords, which are unbreakable as per Galactic UN law, have heralded an era of unprecedented development in the region.

Image: Rhi'Kass, leader of the Vhemm Ardent, reptilian spiritual slaving despots.

Rhi'Kass, leader of the Vhemm Ardent, one of the fourteen space-nations to be attacked, told Xenonion News;

"These 10-year truce periods have actually been pretty beneficial to us. Initially we were forced into it because the Scyldari were way more powerful than us, but now we're on technological parity, we still agree to it immediately. Why? Well no-one in the region is really thinking about war, so we can focus on the economy and science. Open borders are enforced so we actually have to interact with our neighbours... On a personal level this has really changed my perspective on things."

Reports indicate Scyldari diplomats are currently in the process of drawing up a new set of status-quo peace treaties to cover the next 10-years. Insider sources indicate that the higher levels of government are optimistic that after this tranche of war declarations, the region will federate.

Image: An example of previous peace treaties offered by the Scyldari Confederacy.

The Galactic UN and xenophilic Fallen Empires have praised the Scyldari's war declarations as "a wonderful overture to peace" and are said to be considering nominating the space-nation for the 2251 Galactic Nobel Peace Prize award.

Scientist on Cusp of Unlocking Anomaly Mystery Wins Presidential Election

Hask'Gentar has been elected president of the T’Valdra Allied Systems Congress.

With all ballots confirmed this morning, Gentar secured 77% of the direct democracy’s eVote compared to incumbent president Torba'Villin's 7%.

Image: Hask'Gentar delivers his inaugural presidential broadcast to T'Valdranite citizens.

In his inaugural eyeStream broadcast to the local cluster, Gentar stated:

“Uh... It’s an honour to serve T’Valdra, but... I have to say, I'm not quite sure if I'm best placed to do this - I didn’t even know I was running for election. Did someone in my department accidentally put my name down for this or something?"

Gentar is one of the galaxy's top-ranking scientists, having graduated first in his class from T’Valdra Science Academy in 2240 with meticulous and roamer traits. He was quickly posted on deep space surveying missions, and has spent the last decade steadily ranking up in experience.

Image: Many were surprised to see Gentar on the ballot, given his more politically experienced competition, including incumbent president Torba'Villin.

His election victory came as a surprise to many in T’Valdra, given his lack of previous political experience and the nature of his work. At the time the election results were announced Gentar was reportedly “extremely close” to unlocking the mystery of a Level 5 anomaly which he had been working on for 3 years.

Image: Unofficial reports indicate Gentar was "on the cusp" of unlocking the secrets of the so-called 'Technosphere', a large metallic object orbiting a black hole.

Hask'Timak, egalitarian faction leader on T’Valdra, told Xenonion News;

“We were all just taken off guard really - we were totally expecting the core sector governor to win the election given his agrarian upbringing and architectural interest. What I’m stumped about is how Gentar was able to run such a slick election campaign despite being 35,000 light years from any of our inhabited worlds. It’s actually quite impressive.”

Karl Karling XXVI, Professor of Political Science from the University of Ulm in the United Nations of Earth, told Xenonion News;

“It’s actually not uncommon to see this phenomena in stellar democracies - often presidents come from pools of scientists, admirals, generals - individuals outwith the usual political circle. We’re currently investigating the reasons behind this trend, but it does seem to occur mostly in young space nations who don’t have enough political clout to subtly influence elections in the direction of political candidates."

The T’Valdra Science Academy has confirmed Gentar has now left their contracted employment and work on the anomaly will have to be abandoned. A spokesperson for the Academy stated they wished him well in his new role, and advised they are now advertising a post for an experienced science officer to continue his work.

*This article was inspired by a post from Redditor u/solophuk

UNE Accidentally Disbands Largest Fleet

Earth, Sol System, United Nations of Earth (UNE)

The United Nations of Earth Space Command (UNESC) has this evening confirmed it accidentally disbanded its largest fleet due to a "computer glitch."

The military body, based at the Dodecahedron in Ulm, stated that it had recently installed an expensive ‘Fleet Manager’ computer program to provide naval logistical support, and the error came about during a review of fleet compositions.

Image: The new Fleet Manager computer program was developed in consortium with the Galactic UN to help streamline naval logistics.

“The Fleet Manager has been a fantastic addition to Space Command in terms of allowing us to keep tabs on all of our active fleets and reinforce them as required,” UNESC Chief Admiral Stephen Ackett told Xenonion. “We keep a number of fleet templates on the computer system and these are regularly changed - unfortunately during this instance a fleet template was deleted and for some reason this order filtered to our fleet, which disbanded.”

The incident has caused significant concern among UNE leadership as the affected 1st Fleet had 200 ships and was the space-nation’s largest and most well equipped, having recently been bolstered by the addition of a Titan-class flagship.

At the time of the disbanding order, all 45,000 crew disembarked and the ships were automatically scrapped at Arcturus Station, the forward starbase where they were docked.

Image: The 1st Fleet had been docked at the new Arcturus Starbase, home to all UNE forward naval operations.

Sector governor turned military faction leader Emilio Hermes told reporters at a press conference: “This is outrageous. We’re mere weeks after a devastating attack by Starfish xenos, we’re expecting a further attack any day now, and our largest fleet is just... gone? Can you really blame any of our neighbours for fabricating claims on us now our fleet power is ranked ‘pathetic’?”

The UNESC has stated rebuilding the 1st Fleet is an “absolute priority”. Ackett went on to say: “We can use the fleet manager to rebuild the template that we lost, and just reinforce it, so all our shipyards will automatically rebuild the ships. It’s great! Oh... wait. Hang on. It looks like they’ve accidentally built 500 more ships than we have capacity for. Uh... can you come back in a little while please?”

Shares in human corporations have jittered on the Space Exchange Index (SExI).

New Faction Fights for Leaders' Rights To Vacation, Retirement

Visari Prime, Ebbarmacchus System, Visari Technocracy

A new faction, the Prosperous Independent Leaders’ Ensemble (PILES), has been founded this week in the Visari Technocracy.

The faction is calling for the government to improve working conditions for leaders. Its main demands include;

• Leaders gaining access to retirement - instead of serving jobs for life

• Leaders gaining access to vacation time

• Leaders gaining access to free life insurance, given high mortality rates among those working in space environments

“Even in our egalitarian society, leaders lack many basic rights. Faction leader, Yoga Antiqua told Xenonion. “We give so much to the empire, many of us even become substance abusers from the stress. In return, we want to be guaranteed basic rights extended to the rest of the population.”

Image: Antiqua is leading the faction from VTS Havres, his home for the past 182 years.

For Antiqua, the fight is personal. As a venerable, resilient, cyborg leader, he first gained command of the science ship VTS Havres at 48. Now aged 230 years old, he reports he has been surveying star systems ever since, without ever taking a day off or returning to his home planet of Bagodah to see one of his 33 great great great grandchildren.

So far, the Visari government has been reluctant to concede to PILES' demands. Bana Shacho, Director of the Visari Technocracy, told Xenonion: “We didn’t research cell revitalization and equip our population with life-extending cybernetics just so that they could retire early. I'm 199 years old, I've won every election for the past 148 years and I've come to no harm. Some people describe me as having become stubborn - but I'm not. They're just wrong.”

Some leaders are also opposed to the ideals of PILES. Governor Xari Nelsa of the Core Sector has stated that she believes leaders are obligated to give their lives in support of the Technocracy, whether they be admirals or scientists. Retirement, she feels, is shameful.

The faction is receiving growing support among more egalitarian Visari, which the government is hoping to suppress through re-allocation of influence.

> More accurate reporting from Seevah Gunnar could not be possible

Embassy Staff Unemployment Hits 100%

Galactic United Nations HQ, Anward Space Station, Paravox System

Pacifist factions from a broad range of empires have called upon the Galactic UN's to allow for the re-establishment of embassies and diplomatic attachés.

The use of embassies as a method of improving relations between spacenations was outlawed in August 2249 by the Galactic UN's controversial Asimov Act.

Officially the Asimov Act was passed with the intent of streamlining diplomacy and fostering deeper galactic cooperation. It proposed a novel system of 'trust' between empires, with one unit of trust equating to a greater degree of friendliness. Trust could be earned through various mechanisms, such as trade agreements or military alliances. Embassies were believed to promote 'superficial' diplomacy and detracted from these more meaningful opportunities.

Image: Prior to the Asimov Act empires were able to spend a significant proportion of their GDP on hosting diplomats and biweekly cocktail parties in embassies.

Critics of the Act argued it was aggressively pushed by the militaristic lobby as a means to boost their own corporate interests. Others felt it was simply reactionary, spurned on in the wake of the chaos left by the Unbidden invasion of the Outer Rim, where dozens of space empires passively watched as billions of organic lifeforms were purged.

Pacifist factions now argue a "diplomatic void" has been left. Prominent pacifist, Gaandee, told the newsdesk:

"We must fight, peacefully of course, anything that limits our options for peace. I wasn't familiar with this 'trust' concept before, but it works quite well. But we could bring back embassies too. Before it was so much easier to make your intentions clear to another empire through embassy establishment. It's how the Blorg operated for millennia, and look how many friends they have now? Almost three."

The closure of embassies had a profound effect on embassy staff, many of whom who found themselves abruptly unemployed. While this served as the comedic basis for the hugely popular sitcom, 01_Embassy_Propose, recent long term data from the Public Institute of Space Health (PISH) implies the closure has had a significant impact on former staff, who are 50-times more likely to have substance misusing or arrested development traits than the general population.

A representative for the Galactic UN, Gre'Kulf, responded:

"There are many ways to interpret the data from PISH. You could also say the former embassy staff now just have a lot more free time, and heck, who doesn't like a drink in their free time? Embassies represent an older style of diplomacy that is more suited to pre-FTL governments and Parabox games. As an aside, have you played Crusading Dukes IV?"

The Galactic UN has yet to comment on whether it will review the Asimov Act. Pacifist factions state if it does not, they will take their case to the Galactic Supreme Court, if it is re-established by the Galactic UN also.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible.

Area Empress Gains Immortal Trait, Heir Faces Existential Crisis

Royal Circle, Tyrathurus, Shitakasi Holy Empire

Empress Viola of the Shitakasi Holy Empire (SHE) has gained the trait of immortality, granting herself the title of 'God-Empress' in the process.

In an announcement to her imperial court this morning, Viola confirmed she had been marked as "Chosen" by the Shroud, stating:

"Today marks a new dawn for the Shitakasi, for the Shroud has smiled upon me. It has imbued me with great power. Not only do I have +1 influence, but I transcend the limits of mortality. I will rule our people, and ultimately the galaxy, for eternity."

The fungoid Shitakasi, and by extension the Royal Shitakasi Family are deeply spiritual, and famed for their latent psionic abilities.

Viola is reported to be exceptionally psionically connected and was rumoured to be spending increasing amounts of time within the Shroud. It is unclear what force, if any, she has been consorting with.

Image: Empress Viola of the Shitakasi Holy Empire poses for a portrait in the Grand Shitakasi Palace.

The Galactic UN has warned Viola against "wanton title creation", reminding her it was just likely to anger her vassals and promote regional instability. It also added she had no objective scientific evidence to prove she was immortal.

While the news of Viola's "ascension" have been met with jubilant scenes across the Shitakasi home systems, sources close to the Royal Family highlight tensions are rising.

Crown Princess Jasmine, Viola's eldest daughter and next in line of succession, is reportedly "distraught" over news her mother is now immortal, and considering abdicating for a career as a paralegal.

As one anonymous palace source told our newsteam;

"It's just awful for her. Jasmine has the ambitious trait, so naturally her and her mother are rivals, but she expected soon enough she would be able to leave her own mark on the Holy Empire - seemingly not anymore. It's a bit of an existential crisis for her."

Viola's sister, Princess Lilleth, has reportedly formed a faction to change Shitakasi succession to a form of elective monarchy, in a move that many see as trying to limit Viola's increased authority.

> More accurate reporting from Ashley Easterbrook could not be possible

> This article was inspired by a post by Twitter user @diogo__anchieta