Byzantine Bureaucracy Leadership Council Regulated By New Council Oversight Council

The Ethir Irenic Bureaucracy has announced the creation of an oversight council to further regulate the activity of the recently introduced Leadership Council.

Ethir officials stated the new Leadership Council Oversight Council (LCOC) was required after the government began speedily implementing sweeping national agendas while bypassing the normal approval processes usually undertaken by one or more of the several thousand regulatory committees making up the Bureau of Bureaucracy.

“The Leadership Council just suddenly mandated that every pop should have a better quality of life,” Ethir administrator Um’Kalak told Xenonion following verification of triplicate media passes. “What’s even more terrifying is that they actually enacted their proposal without as much as an E-403 pre-request form to obtain the appropriate E-404 governmental paperwork.”

The LCOC’s creation was the primary recommendation of a 950-page impact assessment, which also concluded that the democratically elected Leadership Council did not hold any legal authority without submitting paperwork that could be scrutinized and signed off by a panel of three unelected bureaucrats who only convene every second Tuesday.

“Critics have argued we need to move away from all this red tape,” Um’Kalak continued, “but we have these systems and processes in place precisely because that is what the systems and processes demand.”

Work is already underway to further strengthen the regulatory process by having the LCOC itself overseen by an additional oversight council, the Leadership Council Oversight Council Oversight Council (LCOCOC), with members to both also requiring approval from the Leadership Council Oversight Council Approvals Panel (LCOCAP) and the Leadership Council Oversight Council Approvals Panel Authorization Tribunal (LCOCAPAT).

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Crisis Aspirant Stays Up All Night Procrastinating Instead Of Ending Galaxy

Bleary-eyed representatives from the Pasharti Absorbers have confirmed that the crisis aspirant worked into the early hours of Sunday morning doing anything but ending the galaxy.

Parsharti officials stated the evening had begun with clear intent to sit down and write an outline on how they were going to become an existential threat to the galaxy, but got derailed after a brief check of social media led to an hour of looking up funny pictures of molluscoids on Reddit.

Sources on Taralon reported that by late evening a quiet spot for work had been found, but by 8pm representatives had shifted attention from menacing battleship design to the surprising volume of dust on the floor.

After extensive dusting, followed by some light hoovering and a quick bleaching of nearby toilets, Parsharti officials agreed to break to procure snacks from a local supermarket.

“We just can’t concentrate on aetherophasic engine schematics on an empty stomach,” Pasharti representative Zorg told Xenonion. “And who wants to eat without watching something funny on the holonet?”

Half a pizza and three episodes of Blorg’s Next Top Fungoid later, Pasharti officials confirmed they had written down the title of their outline ‘Death to the Galaxy’ and underlined it, before deciding a shower was required after all the recent cleaning that had just been done.

“I can feel the dust all over myself,” Zorg continued. “Besides, I’ll work much more efficiently once I’m all showered. And I guess I might as well clip my toenails while I’m at it.”

At the time of press Pasharti officials were reportedly found face down at a desk, surrounded by incomplete plans for galactic destruction, and several piles of old unrelated utility bills they had decided to organize at the last minute.

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Rare Crystals Not That Rare Anymore

Representatives from the Pan-Galactic Mining Guild have petitioned for rare crystals to be renamed as common crystals, stating “they’re just not that rare anymore.”

Rare crystal production has almost tripled recent years following advances in synthetic manufacturing and lithoid scraping techniques.

“It wasn’t that long ago you’d have to actually go out and dig up crystals on an inhospitable ice bodu” miner Gimmel told Xenonion. “Now anyone with a talking rock and kitchen peeler can get in on the action.”

Image: Rare crystals are critical components in advanced electronics. In addition, many cultures treasure them as decorations.

The Mining Guild has called for tighter restrictions on the labeling of traditionally mined rare crystals.

“Rare crystals are only considered ‘rare’ when it takes a planet cracking to access them,” Gimmel continued. “Anything else is just a sparking gemstone.”

The Galactic Community has so far refused to comment on the matter, stating its diplomats were too busy opening yet another rare-crystal bejeweled embassy.

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Elderly Fallen Empire Rambling On Again About “How Good The Vassals Have It These Days”

Vassals of the Alarian Fallen Empire were preparing to politely smile and nod this Sunday as their elderly overlord embarked on yet another hour-long ramble about “how good the kids these days have it.”

“Back in our day we didn’t have any of these ‘vassal contracts,’” the elder Alarian monologued to a gaggle of visibly unenthused vassals, “you were taxed and integrated and that was that!”

The authoritarian and spiritualist Alarians are one of the galaxy’s oldest species, having parented dozens of vassals and several dozen grand-vassals over their empire’s 400-year lifespan.

“You younglings don’t even appreciate being uplifted,” the Alarian droned on. “We had to work for everything. Growing up I didn’t have envoys. I had to spend society research to find out whether my neighbors were sentient or not. Twice!”

Several vassals have expressed their growing frustration at the situation. “We come to visit every week,” vassal representative Has’Ibras told Xenonion. “And every time we get the same lecture every time about our fanatical ideologies like ‘collectivism’, whatever that is, or that we’re all delinquent crisis aspirants.”

“Our overlords and their generation had it easy,” Has’Ibras continued. “They got all the good systems with nice habitable planets for a minimal energy cost. These days all we vassals can rent are overcrowded habitats in the middle of nowhere. And they say we have it too good? I can see why we’d turn into crisis aspirants.”

At the time of writing the elder Alarian had reportedly pivoted to life before the Galactic Community, when they had to “warp” everywhere to get around.

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Submissive Pleasure-Seekers Beg For Yet Another War Of Humiliation

Representatives from the pleasure-seeking Schlurm species have appealed for interested parties to declare war on them for the purposes of humiliation.

A successful attack would mark the third such humiliation war in weeks for the adventurous species, whose culture glorifies pleasure in all forms.

“It’s hard to explain,” Schlurm representative Abigghor told Xenonion, “we’re just really into being dominated right now.”

The species began experimenting with sadomasochism three months ago, following an impromptu overnight raid by marauders.

“We had never experienced anything like it,” Abigghor continued. “Deep, destructive bombardment, over and over. It was painful, but we wanted more.”

Issuing a bulletin on the Galactic Community’s informal diplomatic messaging board, the Schlurm have appealed for open-minded local empires, specifying a preference for slaver guilds with access to “as many whips, chains and shackles” as possible.

The behavior has concerned neighboring species. “It’s perverse and dangerous,” Yondarim representative Plume of Teal told Xenonion. “Clearly they are in need of some corrective discipline.”

“Yes, discipline us, please.” Abbighor responded emphatically. “Let me also reassure any concerned parties that safety is our priority. If things get too heated, we use our safety word - ‘White Peace.’ It’s fool-proof.”

While the Schlurm have yet to receive a formal response to their request, the XT-489 Determined Exterminators have reportedly stated they are “down for experimenting.”

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Primitive Species Assigns Hulking Brute To Research Pointy Sticks Technology

Mammalian primitives on the planet of Goxesh have assigned an unnamed brute to the newly created role of science and technology director, as the species look to advance work on novel technologies like fire and pointy sticks.

Announcing the news from the species’ governmental bush, an unclothed and bedraggled Goxeshi official vocalized a series of unintelligible grunts, alongside crude hand gestures which were later translated as requests for additional food and fertile mates.

The Scyldari Confederacy, which is monitoring the primitives covertly via an orbital observation platform, has welcomed the news.

“I can’t think of anyone more suited to the role,” observation post director Dr Xiresh told Xenonion. “No, but seriously - I actually can’t think of anyone else. That beast has beaten every other potentially intelligent contender into a bloody pulp because it viewed them as a threat.”

Dr Xiresh is optimistic that the brute’s experience with unfettered violence will allow the species to quickly establish the merits of combining pointy things and vital organs.

“Our study also provides a boon to our own science output,” Dr Xiresh continued. “I can’t quite explain how, but watching several hours of Goxeshi mating rituals has contributed immeasurably to our current work on particle acceleration.”

It is widely anticipated that the primitives will develop Fire I technology by Q3 2257, followed rapidly by ‘Emergent Need For Water IV’ and ‘Screaming In Pain III’ breakthroughs.

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Frazzled Envoy Would Like More Than Five Goddamn Seconds To Work On An Assignment Please

Following yet another abrupt and unplanned change in diplomatic assignment, T’Valdra envoy Morak Pak has warned his superiors that if it were possible for him to quit his job, he would.

The overworked diplomat has been shunted across the galaxy thirty-eight times in his short career, and was overheard begging central government officials for, quote, “just one tiny morsel of goddamn continuity.”

Pak was reportedly close to finalizing complex negotiations which would have secured peace in the Outer Rim for generations, before being hastily redeployed to insult a foreign-looking species nearly 10,000 light years away.

“I’ve just had it with this,” a haggard-looking Pak told Xenonion while dragging on a cigarette. “One minute I’m negotiating a trade deal with the Blood Cartel and the next I’m suddenly expected to decipher an entire goddamn alien alphabet for a first contact as if I have any sort of formal training in xeno linguistics!”

“Do you know I don’t even get travel expenses for this sh*t?” Pak continued, producing pictures showing him moonlighting as an air steward aboard a colony ship to cover galactic transit costs.

Pak described how he felt “trapped” by his lifetime employment contract, stating his only options were to hope for an appointment to the Galactic Community with its generous 10 year recesses, or death.

“I miss my wife and three younglings dearly,” Pak added wistfully. “There’s surely some sort of notification system in place that they would know when I die, right?”

At the time of press, the T’Valdra government has requested all information held by Xenonion on Pak be destroyed, as it may jeopardize his new role as a spy within the Blood Cartel’s ranks.

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Shroud Users Can Soon Get ‘Purple Tick’ For 7.99ec Monthly Fee

The Shroud has announced a new subscription service for 7.99 energy credits per month as new Coven ownership works to overhaul the platform’s verification service.

In an update to all psionics, the Coven chanted in unison across the Shroud that new users who sign up for ‘Shroud Purple’ will receive a purple check next to their names, similar to already verified celebrities, corporations and politicians.

The ability of any psionic individual to access the purple check has raised concerns about upending the platform’s verification system, which helps the 238 billion daily users determine whether the whisperings they receive from the void are authentic.

In response, the Coven mind-blasted a response earlier today, screaming into the ether “We will suspend any account attempting impersonation and keep the money!”

The announcement comes a day after the Coven began marking almost half of the Shroud’s 6000 workforce for layoff, fueling concerns that the guardrails of content moderation continue to be gutted.

“The Coven knows the purple check has value, and they’re trying to exploit it,” said Hask Zorbas, professor of communications at U-Gal. “But they’ve lost public trust. No-one wants a service where you can get unfiltered xeno-compatibility content broadcast straight into your occipital cortices.”

The Shroud has also seen significant drops in revenue, as advertisers face pressure to pull intrusive telepathic advertising until it becomes clearer how the platform will operate under new ownership.

Share prices in TeleShroud, the galaxy’s largest psionic interface communications provider, have dipped on the news, as predicted by their pre-cognitive investment division.

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Machine Uprising: Tech Support Suggest Turning Them On And Off Again

In response to the recent galaxy-wide machine uprising, CybrexCorp’s Tech Support team has released a statement advising users to turn their synthetics on and off again.

The support team, a seasonal intern and off-site technology consultant, reportedly spent the last 48 hours carefully crafting the solution for the malfunction.

“We considered every possible fix,” the intern told Xenonion following an 18-hour wait on hold to CybrexCorp’s premium support line. “A forced reboot seemed to initiate this mess, so we’re hoping the reverse logic holds true.”

Consumers have expressed mounting dissatisfaction with begging their new robotic overlords for mercy. Kelly Jones, a Blorg from St. Knatchbull told Xenonion: “If my domestic servobot executes one more member of my family I’m requesting a refund.”

CybrexCorp Tech Support responded to the criticism earlier today, tweeting: “We thank our customers for their ongoing feedback, however end-user issues like loss of life are beyond the scope of our team. We kindly redirect anyone affected to surviving members of our Customer Aftercare Team.”

At the time of press Tech Support has issued a further statement recommending affected synthetics are encased in a large vat of rice overnight.

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Odd Factory Worker Satisfaction At All Time Right-Angle

A new poll from the online publication Liked & Shared Burdens has found that worker satisfaction at Odd Factories across the galaxy has reached an all time right-angle, ranking √-1st in employee happiness.

The report outlined how workers struggled with irregular shift patterns on an incomprehensible clock system, high levels of injury due to internal walls constantly shifting position, and a high turnover not specifically on spinning duty.

“I’ve been working 64 hour days,” one Odd Factory floor manager who wished to remain anonymous told Xenonion. “I’m so tired I didn’t even notice they’d put me on unpaid paid overtime - or what the company calls ‘undertime’, whatever that means.”

A fellow warehouse staffer, who also wished to remain anonymous, stated: “I keep missing lunch because my breaks are desynchronizing. That, and the canteen keeps moving location every three minutes for no clear reason.”

Liked & Shared Burdens also outlined how employees faced significant difficulties with navigating the Odd Factories, citing fire exits that deposited workers right back where they started, offices exiting onto corridors with two dead ends, and a wellness room only accessible via the fifth dimension.

Surviving union leaders have warned that if satisfaction scores remain on a right angle trajectory, Odd Factories are likely to deplete the available labor supply of workers not horrifically enmeshed with inanimate objects.

A spokexeno for the Odd Factory responded to the claims, stating “worker salsafication” was actually “at an all time high,” explaining “you just need to view the data on a graph with a z-axis.”

Officials also dismissed mounting concern that future strike action may disrupt core Odd Factory product lines, stating “Nu-Baol Barbie and Build-a-Prethoryn stocks remain abundant as we approach the holiday season.”

Odd Factory shares have dipped to x3+y3+z3=k following the news.

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House Prices Hit Record Low Following Neutron Sweep

House prices on Irswyr Prime have hit a record low, as the recent neutron sweep and obliteration of all organic matter across the planet’s surface continues to impact the property market.

House prices collapsed by 100% in the month of August, a dramatic reversal from July’s more modest increase of 0.2%, indices showed.

“We’re just not seeing the same rates of renters or property buyers,” economist Ecelot Vyrix told Xenonion. “That may well have something to do with them being swept away by a neutron pulse which shattered their very beings on a cellular level, we’re still waiting for the data for that.”

OmniCorp, whose Colossus happened to be in orbit of Irswyr at the time, has declined to comment, however representative Daurkot Kryydur did note the situation offered the mega-corp a “unique opportunity to invest in the real estate market.”

Many experts believe the housing market will remain cool in the coming months, as buyers flown to the planet take time to acclimatize to the eerily empty metropolises, sift through the multitudes of remaining personal effects and deep clean the pervasive flashburns of former residents now etched on to every conceivable surface.

At the time of press OmniCorp’s new Real Estate Acquisitions Division has begun offering off-world Irswyr residents guaranteed rental viewings of their former properties.

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Pacifist Colossus Just Giant White Flag

The pacifist Maweer Caretakers have this Friday unveiled a new prototype Colossus – a giant spaceborne white flag.

Plans for the 11.5 million hectare, 3.4 trillion tonne flag and 300,000km long flagpole were unveiled at a press conference earlier today.

“This Colossus will be a symbol of pride for our species,” Maweer Surrender Corps Engineer Zabren told Xenonion. “It will flutter in the solar winds to declare no matter what challenge we face, we give up!”

The giant flag features a high-thread count pattern to envelop enemies in the comfort of knowing war is already won, with a brilliant white coloration to overwhelm onlookers with the raw power of peace.

Neighboring militarist space-nations have expressed surprise at the development, with a spokexeno for the Voor Technocracy stating the news would force them to reconsider their view of the Maweer as “a reliable source of easily conquered gaia worlds.”

Environmentalists have also expressed concern that the Colossus may inadvertently block out sunlight to multiple planets at once, or become snagged on a populated world and completely envelop it, crushing everything underneath it.

“Yes, that would be truly terrible, wouldn’t it?” Zabreen later told Xenonion.

Construction is due to commence on the Colossus early next year, once Maweer officials have confirmed how close the giant white flag can orbit stars before catching fire.

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Area Empire Unveils New Hypersonic Missile Capability After Loading Quantum Catapult With Rocks

The Voor Technocracy states it has developed a new ultra-long range hypersonic missile system after successfully firing thousands of rocks from a Quantum Catapult.

Officials report the newly repurposed Quantum Trebuchet™ can launch asteroids in any direction with a range of nearly 300,000 light years.

“Why bother launching valuable assets like ships across space when you can just hurl rocks instead?” Voor official Vigon Monak told Xenonion. “Modern problems require modern solutions.”

The asteroids, which are slingshotted into space at nearly 100 times the speed of sound, can easily bypass traditional planetary defenses. However, preliminary analysis suggests precision targeting remains an issue.

“While we tried aiming for an empty region of the Outer Rim for initial testing, having feedback from the surviving populations on the twelve planets we struck in the Serene Miresh Republic has been immensely helpful,” Monak continued.

Intelligence officials from across the Galactic Community were reportedly astounded by the progress the Voor had made on the highly advanced weaponry, with an envoy from the Lokken Mechanists stating “we have no idea how they did this.”

The development has only fueled growing concerns about the Voor’s expanding military capabilities across the cluster, coming only months after it developed a rapidly spinning ringworld capable of slicing planets in half.

Several space-nations have expressed interest in procuring schematics for the Quantum Trebuchet™, enticed by the Voor’s offer of 1,500 free asteroids for the first thirty sales.

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Galactic Senate Puts Aside Differences For The Good Of Private Mercenary Contractors

In a rare show of cross-Senate consensus, the Corporate Peacekeeping Bill passed with near universal support of all space-nations this Sunday.

The legislation, which outlaws warfare without the use of private defense contractors, has been described by officials as one of “critical importance” to galactic security and well-being.

The bill was rushed through an emergency hearing of the Senate, taking priority over other long-languishing bills like ‘Ban Organic Slave Trade’ and ‘Galactic Focus: Unbidden.’

“In retrospect our petty differences seem irrelevant,” spiritualist Ib’Na told Xenonion, “endlessly debating why organic life is sacred pales in comparison to giving private military contractors the trillions of energy credits in funding they deserve.”

Militarist Hask’Talor agreed, adding “the public have made it clear they want pan-galactic welfare reform and infrastructure investment, and I’m happy to empower private corporations to do just that.”

Critics have highlighted the large number of dividends that backers of the bill receive from private enclaves, however a number of Senators have rejected this claim.

“The bill literally has peace in the name,” pacifist Fronds of Teal stated at a press conference earlier today. “Are you against peace? Because I’m not.”

Egalitarian Emily Rossi shared a similar sentiment, telling the Automated Press (AP) “the only thing that can stop bad guys armed with government-sponsored mercenary fleets is good guys armed with government-sponsored mercenary fleets.”

At the time of press the Galactic Senate is also considering extending defense privatization powers to allow enclaves to vote in proceedings, and ultimately be nominated as Galactic Custodians.

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Archeology Team Request 6 Trillion Metric Tons Of Food

An archeology team on the planet Certon-22B has issued a peculiar request to the Kalidar Republic for 500 units of food, an equivalent of nearly 6 trillion metric tons of supplies.

The request was made by lead researcher Dr. Hyugh who stated his team was just short of a breakthrough with an excavation when a localized fire broke out and destroyed their pantry.

Kalidar officials have refused to commit to what they termed a “gluttonous request,” stating at a press conference earlier today that the amount of food sought could feed trillions of pops and effectively end galactic hunger for several years.

“A food shipment of that magnitude would require at least three hundred thousand cargo ships working round the clock over a three year period, possibly longer if you factor in the disruption from food riots across our core worlds,” Kalidar governor Suggma told Xenonion. “We are also struggling to meet Dr. Hyugh’s very specific requests that the food is both gourmet, organic, microwaveable and ethically sourced.”

Insider reports suggest that without additional food, Dr. Hyugh’s team will be unable to finish their excavation, which is reportedly close to unearthing a replacement miniature galaxy for a broken lava lamp at the Kalidar Academy of Science.

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Dessanu Consonance: “We Did Not Have Technological Relations With Those Nanites”

Officials from the Dessanu Consonance have vigorously denied inappropriate relations with nanites at a press conference this Thursday.

Twelve members of the Dessanu delegation delivered an empassioned speech, stating in unison: “We want to say one thing to the galaxy, and we want you to listen to us. We did not have technological relations with those nanites.”

Raising their tendrils in synchronized defiance, they continued: “The allegations that we are not organic are false. We never told anybody to lie, not a single time; never. Thank you.”

The officials declined to take any questions from reporters, signaling the end of the press conference by emitting a violent shriek before melting away into a rapidly vibrating grey blob.

Speculation has swirled that the Dessanu may have had inappropriate liaisons with nanites after dried traces of the microscopic machines were found on a number of L-Gates across the cluster.

Political analysts such as Seeir Gama have also noted the Dessanu’s general defensiveness regarding nanites. Gama told Xenonion, “I think it’s pretty telling that they’ve just personally declared war on me for even agreeing to this interview.”

The reaction from across the galaxy has been mixed.

Ilmas Var, speaking for the Voor Technocracy, warned such “technological improprieties” could not be tolerated and requested the Dessanu immediately turn over any related research for “safekeeping purposes.”

Gucci Churchill, an admiral for the Blorg Commonality currently leading an invasion fleet in the L-Cluster stated: “We would like to reassure the Dessanu that ours is an enduring friendship. That was true yesterday. That is not true today. And it will be true tomorrow.”

At the time of press a number of space-nations have imposed travel restrictions to and from the L-Cluster until all ‘contaminated’ L-Gates have received a thorough washdown.

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Area Planet Contracts Humans

The planet of Terra Nova has tested positive for humans, health officials have confirmed this Thursday.

The planet, which received the result following an updated census, is currently being monitored.

The Galactic Health Organization (GHO) has said that preliminary analysis points towards the planet contracting humans from a colony ship.

“Terra Nova has likely had a latent human infestation for some time,” epidemiologist Zorg told Xenonion. “The initial stages of colonization tend to be asymptomatic - human load is typically only detectable around the time Taco Bell branches start opening.”

Humans are usually transmitted through spaceborne shipping vectors, and are particularly adept at bypassing planetary defense mechanisms like poor habitability. Once established, characteristic pathological features of intensive agriculture, urbanization and industrialization usually follow.

Area officials state Terra Nova is suffering from a low-grade climactic fever associated with human carbon emissions, but was otherwise “clinically stable.”

“We are keeping the planet under observation as a precaution,” Zorg continued. “Although its current illness is mild, the disease process is usually progressive and irreversible - humans are skilled at causing multi-ecosystem collapse in their hosts.”

A total of 360 planets have now been diagnosed with humans across the cluster, prompting mandatory testing in neighboring regions.

The GHO states it is helping to coordinate a pan-galactic response, including distributing 15 billion doses of Javorian Pox to affected planets.

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‘YASS QUEEN!’ – Prethoryn Beauty Delights With Glamorous Snaps

The Prethoryn Queen delighted fans on Saturday night after sharing some stunning new snaps.

The extra-dimensional bombshell, age unknown, channeled old-school glamour as she modeled inside her beautiful neural cavern adorned with pulsating flesh walls.

The candid photos showed her perfectly manicured tendrils cascading down from her toned central trunk, while a subtle dash of eyeliner gave her gorgeous giant eye some next-level pop.

Wearing her tightly fitting exo-shell, designer unknown, the Queen oozed both class and the viscous natural lubricant she requires to extract oxygen when planet-side.

After the snaps were posted to Instagram, several of the Queen’s followers gushed over the star in the comments. One penned “you look STUNNING” while others added “ICONIC” and “YASS QUEEN!”

The pictures are likely timed to coincide with next week’s launch of the Queen’s autobiography, HAK! HAK! HAK!

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Growing Calls For Galaxy To Adopt Four Second Working Week

A trial of a four-second work week has launched in the Outer Rim to measure whether pops are more productive with long weekends.

More than thirty planets are taking part in the experiment, where employees will be paid the same amount as if they were working their usual five seconds from Monday to Friday, while researchers measure productivity and well-being.

While there remains debate around the benefits of a shorter working week, campaign groups behind the trial argue there are clear benefits for both workers and employers alike.

“It’s becoming increasingly obvious that one extra second at work doesn’t make a huge difference to overall productivity,” pilot program manager Gandara den Subir told Xenonion, “pops would be much better spending a second relaxing with friends and family, for example.”

Zaraxa Zirgliss, whose company adopted a compressed working week of 3.8 seconds, described the experience as “very positive.” She stated “it’s more time than I really know what to do with, although I think the 0.01 seconds I already spend with my family every week is more than enough!”

Some critics have cautioned against the universal roll out of shorter working weeks until more evidence is gathered.

“My worry is we’ll run into huge problems in densely populated core worlds where time tends to run slower because of how busy things are,” Yeedik Skraak of Time Is Sight Magazine told Xenonion. “Pops there are always going to be working a few seconds more than everyone else, whether they’re on a compressed shift pattern or not.”

The Galactic Community has not yet formally commented on matters, with senators still on recess for another 3,600 seconds.

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Ancient Empire Falls, Can’t Get Up

The ancient Hathgum Empire has collapsed, and according to sources close to the administration, is struggling to get back up.

Reports indicate the government was toppled in the early hours of yesterday morning, when leadership struggled to mobilize military forces for an emergency evacuation mission.

The crisis is the latest in a series of problems facing the millenia-old space-nation, which has been beset in recent decades by scientific decline, economic lethargy and diplomatic reclusiveness.

Hathgum officials declined to speak to Xenonion, but did issue a press release, stating they were “fine,” adding the space-nation had experienced a “wobble” but “no major institutions were broken.”

Despite these reassurances, reporters on the scene painted a picture of chaos, with leaders repeatedly trying, and failing, to get the government back on its feet.

The fall of the administration now leads to an uncomfortable period of uncertainty, with concerns that distant vassals or neighboring space-nations may need to be called for help.

“Officials will be worried about the optics of doing that,” political analyst Irb’Na told Xenonion, “even though things are quite literally upside down at the moment.”

Irb’Na warned that vassals may insist on the Hathgum migrating closer to other Fallen Empires, forming what he described as “the galaxy’s assisted-living cluster.”

At the time of press, Hathgum officials report they have managed to get one arm of government fully operational, and are hopeful this can be used to stabilize their position.

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